BM can even make DH's hospital stay about her...
DH was admitted to the hospital this evening. He's having a very bad reaction to some medication he was taking. So bad that that he was triaged in through the emergency room right away and the ER doctors contacted the large hospital in the big city near us to get an opinion on whether or not he should be transferred. I cried on my whole drive home from work because I was so worried about him.
This is supposed to be DH's visitation weekend. Knowing the crazy that awaited us, I "encouraged" DH to send a message to BM as soon as possible saying he was in the hospital and would not be able to take Skids this weekend. That he asked MIL and she was busy, so he would like to switch weekends. He sent that message through Our Family Wizard, with the required "Immediate Response Requested". He also sent her a text saying "Please check Our Family Wizard. I have an emergency and I need to switch weekends."
BM's first reply, "I don't want to switch weekends, because I have plans with the kids on future weekends when they are with me and I don't think I should have to change those. You could have them two weekends in a row, but I don't think they would want that and I would only agree to that if they wanted to do that. You could just skip this weekend and see them on your next weekend visitation. What do you think?"
DH, still in the emergency room with an antibiotic IV attached to his arm, replies, "I will skip this weekend and see them on my next scheduled weekend."
Nearly two hours later, BM texts "I responded and you need to tell me what's going on. You need to reply to my email."
He opens up Our Family Wizard and there are two messages.
The first one says essentially (I'm paraphrasing because the entire message is several paragraphs):
-You are disappointing the boys because they really wanted to go skiing this weekend!
-You need to REIMBURSE (capitalized here, because it was capitalized in her message) me for my plans that I'll have to cancel this weekend because you didn't give me 24 hours notice.
-"You are married with a wife. Why is she unable to care for the children?!" - This one is a direct quote.
-You need to tell me what's going on so I can tell SKids what's going on.
The second one says essentially, you really need to tell me what's going on. Is this really a life or death situation. Skids will be asking me why they are not going to your house this weekend, so you need to tell me what's going on!!!
Please note, the children are teens, not toddlers. Also visitation is supposed to be about giving DH time with his children, not providing BM with a break twice a month.
DH replies and says, "I am at the hospital. It was unplanned. It was serious enough that doctors did not know if they would need to transfer me to a bigger hospital. They have only just decided that they will not transfer me unless I get worse overnight and need to be transferred. My wife will be with me at the hospital. I will call the boys over the weekend to reassure them."
Then DH texted both sons and said, "Hi boys. I'm in the hospital. I'll be okay, but you won't be able to come to my house this weekend. I'm sorry about skiing, we will go the next time you are with me."
One SS replies, "I hope you feel better Dad. Goodnight!" DH replies, "thanks, I love you." SS replies, "I love you too Dad."
I should also add that earlier in the day, BM had emailed DH asking him if he would switch drop off and pick up with her (she drops off on Friday evenings, he drops off on Sunday evenings), because it's too hard for her to leave work in time to get them to our house by 6pm. She also said that really needs to switch this weekend. I think she actually works from home on Friday. Also, when DH asked several years ago to move the pick up time because his job changed and he couldn't get there on time (back when he was picking up and dropping off because it was "unfair" to BM to have to drive either way), BM demanded a mediation and tried to get the mediator to tell DH he had to ask his boss to let him leave early. DH had not replied to this request from BM. But yes, BM, when you've asked someone to do you a favor, by all means, shout at them about how they are inconveniencing you by being hospitalized unexpectedly.
The borderline rage is just too much sometimes.
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Comments
Wow, what a selfish bitch.
Wow, what a selfish bitch. I hope your DH told her where to stick it. Our BM was like that when I had my operation, and when I went into labour with my son. Why can BMs not see any further than the end of their noses? There are other people in the world besides you!
Ugh, typical self-centered BM
Ugh, typical self-centered BM move. Next time, your DH should ignore her entirely and skip straight to texting the boys. Perhaps BM is not aware the the Non-Custodial parent is not obligated to take their visitation, and he didn't even owe her any explanation whatsoever?
In my experience with BM here, ignoring is what they hate the most - getting a reaction is their goal.
Hope your DH is feeling better.
Thanks, when I left last
Thanks, when I left last night at almost midnight, everyone seemed to think he would be fine. When he called me at 6pm from the ER, the nurse had told me, "we're trying to rule out Stevens-Johnson Syndrome, which is very serious and he's very nervous, so please come to the ER." When I looked up Stevens Johnson syndrome it can be fatal.
Your husband should have sent a picture with iv drip in his arm
Pic of him in er with caption “which part of i cannot have the kids this weekend do you not understand??”
heck my brother ended contact with my dad for 2 years because he and his wife chucked a hissy fit that i owned 4 homes (absolute crap), that my husband is loaded as and i have some nerve claiming my equal right to mums estate. I sent a pic of dad in er triage with message dad is really sick and been vomiting for over a week. He never replied.
some people are unfortunately selfish arseholes
So she asked your DH to
So she asked your DH to switch the weekend, but then told him she couldn’t switch weekends when she wasn’t the one who wanted to switch? Then gives him the option to skip visitation, which is his right anyways, and when he agrees she demands not only that he tell her exactly what’s happening (ummm how about none of your business crazy), but also reimburse her for the plans she suddenly had, despite earlier in the day saying she needed to switch weekends?
Good god that woman is something else. I hope your DH just ignores her.
Straight out of the Medusa
Straight out of the Medusa playbook.
Gawd - these women.
Not quite - DH asked to
Not quite - DH asked to switch because he is unable to take them this week. BM said she didn't want to switch and she thought SSs wouldn't want to spend two weekends in a row with him, so he should just skip a weekend.
It was only hours later that she miraculously had plans that meant DH had to reimburse her (in her mind), for his notice after 24 hours.
Of course, BM asks to switch fairly regularly and used to do it all the time for no reason other than "something came up". Hope she never gets sick or needs a favor from DH.
This weekend, she wanted to switch the drop-off/ pick-up schedule because she doesn't like dropping Skids off on Fridays because I think she wants to go out. I don't believe for a moment that she "needs to work late" on Fridays, especially because a) she is the boss at work and can determine her own schedule; b) I think she actually works from home on Fridays because on several Fridays she has miraculously been able to drive the boys to the Y in the afternoon; c) she'll lie to get out of things she doesn't want to do.
Either way, she’s an ahole. I
Either way, she’s an ahole. I hope your DH gets better soon.
Anyone wanna guess what bio mums response will be
if the exhubby asked for reimbursement of his original plans because she decided to change weekends?? It will be “i’m so disappointed in you, you’re a horrible dad and how dare you ask me for money!!”
Unbelievable. I don't think
Unbelievable. I don't think DH ever even spoke to NPD BM about weekend schedules once the SDs were teenagers, he did it all through them. They're not little children, FFS. I hope your DH is OK.
That is my dream...that in a
That is my dream...that in a couple of years, DH can just make arrangements with SSs and not have to keep her informed of his every move.
Just WOW. The level of self
Just WOW. The level of self-centeredness is absurd!
The fact that she even
The fact that she even commented "You are married with a wife. Why is she unable to care for the children?!"
I don't see how you have ANYTHING to do with their children. She needs to get over it and stay with her kids. Your H doesn't owe her an explanation. He's in the hospital! What part doesn't she understand?!?
Wishing him a speedy recovery!
Especially since DH has never
Especially since DH has never once said to her "can't your husband drive them over" when she demands he switch or "can't your husband stay with them" when she demands he come early. Her husband was a "stay at home dad" (according to BM), but anytime he did anything for SSs it was like he was a hero who DH should honor.
It's also laughable that she presents visitation as "caring for the children" as if the purpose of the weekend is to babysit. If they did come to our home and had to entertain themselves while I was shuttling back and forth to the hospital and then caring for DH if he is discharged over the weekend, she would be telling DH that the kids were bored and how dare he not entertain them!
Thanks for your kind words about his recovery. At no point during her rant did BM ever say, "I hope you're okay" or "whatever you need to do to manage your health."
I think the best your DH can
I think the best your DH can do is stick to the CO to the letter. Given that this was an emegency, a message on OFW stating, "due to an unforseen situation, I am not able to take the kids this weekend. I will see them on my next regularly scheduled weekend." Then, follow that up with a text or phone call to the kids explaining why. No further contact with BM as that just escalates things with her. The more your DH blurs the lines of the CO, the more this BM will try to take advantage of it.
Everything revolves around BM
The whold world must stop. BM wasn't asked her opinion. BM must get paid exter for now to form a opinion.
This woman gives the human race a bad name.
Good news everyone...BM was able to “get reimbursed”
This morning, BM again sent DH a message reassuring him that she was able to get reimbursement for her "weekend plans" and she "only mentioned it because it was close to $1100."
She then wanted to know if it was serious enough that she should bring the kids by to see him and let him know she would "do whatever she could to accommodate him".
I can't even...
LOL this BM is a trip! Who
LOL this BM is a trip! Who the f@ck cares if she gets reimbursed or not, it's not your H's problem or concern. Hell he's in the hospital sick and she's of no relevance. I hope he stops responding to her and ONLY do so if there's an emergency pertaining to the kids and when he's feeling better.
She doesn't need to know if it's "serious" as it's none of her business and its obvious she doesn't care. I can see her now leaving the kids in the hospital room and walking out.....
I hope your DH recovers soon.
I hope your DH recovers soon. BM is a twunt.
Thanks!
Thanks. Yes, she is!
StrugglingSM, I am so very
StrugglingSM, I am so very sorry to hear about your husband. He doesn't need this added bullshit from his x.
What in the hell is wrong with some people?? Please know you are in my close thoughts and prayers.
Reminds me of a "BM" who was screaming to a xdh on the phone "WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO GET YOUR KIDSSSSS" all the while his infant was on a heart lung machine out in critical condition...following surgery that SHE knew about.
I keep thinking your husband does not need this garbage. I am sorry.
Please keep us posted. PS...kids may not be able to visit dad in the hospital depending on policy because of the flu. May be wise to facetime---keep the kids germ free???
Thank you! I appreciate it.
Thank you! I appreciate it.
In all honesty, BM is too lazy to actually take them to visit DH. She does however want to look like she's "caring". Her question also make it sound like she was wondering if Skids need to come over to say their final good-bye, because she is just that dramatic.
Thank you!
Thank you to everyone who expressed concern for DH. He is definitely feeling better and doctor's seem less concerned. He wants to go home and they want to keep him one more night, so he will likely come home tomorrow.
There will be no more communication with BM because it is NONE OF HER BUSINESS!
She sounds like a real piece
She sounds like a real piece of work! He did end up having the Steven Johnson's syndrome I hope? My daughter started a medication and they warned us about that, it sounds scary!
They never let us know if he
They never let us know if he had Stevens Johnson Syndrome. I think they didn't know. They did let him leave the hospital yesterday, but said we had to come back to the ER if he noticed any new hives near or in his mouth. If he does have Stevens Johnson Syndrome all of the medication they have him prevented it from progressing to the point where it would have more serious complications (skin blistering and peeling off).
His hives seem to be fading - they are now pink instead of bright red and now looking like individual spots rather than large blotches covering almost his entire torso. He seems to be feeling better and is almost back to his regular self.