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Annoyed

Storytime's picture

So I have a 13 year old stepson and I’m completely miserable!! My relationship with this child is nowhere good. He is disrespectful, doesn’t not appreciate anything and He doesn’t do anything around the house except eating and playing Fornite! So annoying. So we recently moved and it takes about 60 miles round trip to take him to school. So we switched schools because it seems smart and convienent. I’ve had so many arguments and fights with my stepson and it’s usually about him not cleaning his room, laundry, or go outside for 30 mins. I’m so annoyed with this kid and it’s not even funny. I have a million stories to tell but I’ll just tell one today. So anyways, so yesterday I got home from work and my husband said “I need to talk to u” I said “ok what’s up?”

“I bought him a computer. It has windows 10 and all the cool gadgets”

like what does he expect me to say? “Oh that’s cool” ? 

I said “how much was the computer?” He responded “1000”

WTF? Why!!!! In my mind I was like “what’s wrong with u? Why didn’t u talk to me first? Do u really think he deserve it? I’m ur wife and this is how u treat me? Why did u make this decision without discussing it with me? We need that money for rent!” 

But I just said “ ok see ya I’m gonna go for a drive”

I drove around the block crying  I couldn’t believe  he did that. I’m hurt and I’m angry! I know for a fact that he didn’t deserve the computer at all! And it’s frustrating! So I came home and told him “that was very big of you to confront me thank you. Now I’m gonna go buy our other kids some brand new iPads” 

He says “ no don’t do that” I said why not? I’ll just do it behind ur back and tell u later about it” 

i was being distant the whole night and even today. Should I not flip out? Should I have said “cool” Just so irritating! I could have partially used that money for breast augmentation that I wanted for so long! Lol 

anyways, just needed to vent. Seriously I have so many issues with my stepson and I would think my husband would have my back. ☹️

 

 

Comments

Maxwell09's picture

I have a few opinions so take them with a grain of salt:

1. To paragraph 1: disengage. This kid is doing what half of american boys are doing right now-playing fortnite. It is the new normal and it goes hand-in-hand with him being a bratty kid because at that age (preteen) that is exactly how they are. You are expecting him to have the respect of a younger or older individual. That is not in his age range. They are indeed little shits for their preteen and teenage years. You should count your blessing that your slob wants to hole up and play xbox instead of running the streets impregnanting young girls or setting fire to buildings. 

2. You need to accept that just becuase you see his kid as a burden to you and society, HE doesn't. He is dad. He has rose-colored glasses on and more accepting to how annoying his kid is because that kid is part of him. So the whole "do you think he deserves a 1k computer" isn't going to compute with him logically. Of course he thinks his little snowflake deserves the best of the best and that's probably why he is as intolerable to you as he is now. DAD is your problem. 

I don't think you should just accept the teen for who he is or your DH for the disney parent he is seeming to be, I just don't think you should expect miracles out of the kid when the dad isn't laying the ground work. Shitty parenting = Shitty children. Dad needs to get that kid out of his room and outdoors, dad needs to make him clean up behind himself like a basic human being, Dad needs to see a financial counselor since he is prioritizing his kid getting expensive ass gifts just months before christmas rolls around even though rent is due. My advice to you is to accept they need work, you need to split finances and disengage from all skid responsibilities for your own sanity.

Storytime's picture

Thank you for taking your time to give me your inputs. It’s just hard you know? Last year skid failed 3 classes and numerous of missing assignments. He was not doing well in school! All his focuses was on FORTNITE. 

Playing the game is not the problem. It’s him taking advantage of it playing ALL day and not balancing it out with homework or chores. I just don’t know what to do anymore. 

 

Maxwell09's picture

You tell your SO that his son is a reflection of his parenting and that he is failing because he doesn't have a bio parent that cares enoug about him to enforce homework or good grades. You cannot care more than the bios or you will be stuck in a corner by yourself being blamed for everything. Do not run yourself crazy trying to be the enforcer. The kid will hate you for it. Your SO will take it as you personally attacking his child, etc. You have to make dad aware that this is HIS business to take care of or he will be having failure to launch and lots of Summer school to pay for in his future.

Dogmom126's picture

I don’t know what your financial situation is but in my world  , SO spending ONE THOUSAND dollars on ANYTHING without consulting me first would probably end the relationship. every dollar FH spends on MY FSD7 is a dollar not invested into our home, future and bio kids. I allow FSD to use my 1k computer when I am not using it , because she asks nicely and is very respectful of my home and property. my SO sees to this and also makes sure she thanks me and appreciates me. Not only is your husband doing your stepson a disservice by Disney parenting him into a spoiled brat and useless human, the spending behind your back seems to me a huge betrayal. 

Storytime's picture

I agree. It wasn’t meant for school. It was meant for gaming. We both worked hard for that money. 

Well in  my world, I would think I get the new computer and whatever computer I have gets passed down to the kids. Right? Haha that’s how I see it. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

are just  as necessary as text  books and in.some cases more  important. The point being that a computer is not necessarily a reward as much as a tool required to aid in your academic prowess. If he  attending a good school, he will be expected.to have a computer. You would not consider a text book., a scientific.calculator or any other school.required apparatus.as a reward. For kids computers  fall into the category of school supplies.

If monies are limited in your household, your husband was remiss in not discussing the appropriate price range for the  computer.

 

Curious Georgetta's picture

I would not expect my husband to need my permission to buy any school sports, or musical instrument for my children. Nor would I need his permission. We both know what resources are available. We both work to contribute to those resources, with the exception of major expenditures such as property or an automobile why either of us have to provide prior notification. We trust each other not to purchase anything that is going to jeopardize our financial future.

I would be annoyed to think that I work to contribute and provide , but I could not be trusted to make an autonomous or spontaneous purchase of a computer for one of my kids.

Even my most annoying child  deserves the tool to make him/her an academically proficient child. I might restrict game playing usage but I would not view it as a reward. I would also expect my spouse to have done review and due diligence to determine what would be a good value purchase

 

Dogmom126's picture

That’s your opinion, but in my relationship we are young AND  I happen to make a lot more money than he does. what SO brings home is enough for his half of the home and bills and not that much else . So if he spends 1k on his kid, that means I am eventually making up for it someone else. You are awfully condescending for someone who doesn’t know everyone’s situation. The OP is clearly upset that such a decision was made behind her back. In any marriage large purchases for the kids or not for the kids need to be discussed, end of story.

AlmostGone83's picture

Refurbished computers can be purchased on Amazon for a fifth of that price and work just fine for school purposes....IF it was for “school” which I doubt since it has “all the gadgets”. 

Storytime's picture

It wasn’t for schooling. It was for gaming. He had a perfect computer already. No need to buy a new one. 

 

Step-girlfriend's picture

CG. I just can't. "I see no problem with a parent buying a $1,000 computer for a kid who only plays video games, gets bad grades and doesn't contribute in general, and this would be ok in my house". REALLY????? Here are a few differences. This kid is NOT OP's kid. It is her SS. So this is not the same situation at all. Remember, you don't have step-kids? So this isn't apples to apples to your household.

Also, OP said she is upset about it. Most couples discuss $1,000 purchases prior to making them, especially when it is both of their money. And when using both of their money for HIS kid, yeah, you can bet your a*s she has every right to be upset. You can buy brand-new computers for MUCH less than that, if it's being used for school. What he did was spend about $600 more on a gaming computer. So yeah. Not ok.

momof3smof2's picture

It seems you and your husband have poor communication skills. 

My husband and I keep separate finances, but we still discuss large purchases, for ourselves and for our children (his, mine and ours). That said, neither of us vetos purchases because one of the kids doesn't "deserve" the item. That phrase isn't something I'd fathom. And if I heard it from my husband, it would likely be the end of our marriage.

Most teenagers are disrespectful, to some degree. Most teenagers are self-centered. A parent's job is to mold that child into a respectful, giving adult. But, it's not an overnight endeavor. 

Our kids all had laptops. In our area, it really is necessary for school. Is it possible that's where your husband is coming from?

Now, if that truly was rent money, and you're living paycheck-to-paycheck, and now you have no way to pay rent, then you have a bigger problem. Husband problem, not stepchild problem.

twoviewpoints's picture

Well, this is all over the place. 

You need the money for rent, but in the next breathe running out to purchase multiple ipads, and in the next yakking about how you could have used the money on a boob job instead. Geez, which is it? 

Secondly, buying the kid a computer isn't necessarily automatically out of line. A ki in middle school and/or high school here wouldn't be able to do their class participation nor assignments without one. When people are putting out $800 plus or the newest version phone, an investment of $1,000 for a computer doesn't sound so crazy. 

As you mention nothing about household finances and whether or not you have joint accounts. or whether mutual agreement discussions are the norm of any and all money spend in your home or not... it's hard to say whether it's as extreme as the declaration of " how could he do this to me"  

I am 'allowed' to make some financial purchase decisions on my own without consult and/or 'permission granted', but then so is my husband. We both contribute to the financial needs of the household and each have both joint and personal cash. And no, we don't live paycheck to paycheck nor would a shopping spree of $1,000 but that big of thing. 

So, how long have you been with your husband that these things have not been pre-discussed and long ago agreed to? I would think household budgets and financial spending joint decisions, if needed, would have taken place prior to marriage. Is this out pour surprise the first time? 

However, with that said, yes, if the cash was really needed for rent and if in anyway affects the household lay out of cash , then , yes, he definitely should have consulted and if possible, went a bit more inexpensive.

Curious as to why you re the one doing all the 'parenting' of SS and fighting with skid over laundry and chores et? Last question, are all the children in the home his biological children? 

Storytime's picture

It wasn’t for school. It was for gaming. Before the 1 k computer, he had a great working computer!nothing was wrong with it. No need for it. 

Boob job was a joke. 

It would be nice putting it towards rent. It would make sense to have him earn it.  Bottom line is. He should have included me no matter what. It would have been great to give some inputs and my prespectives on the whole thing. 

MurphysLaw's picture

Y’all RENT and this guy drops a grand on a computer for a 13 yo …WOW!

Um,  yeah…the computer would be returned.

Storytime's picture

So I talked to my husband. And the reason why he did it was because 

he felt bad that he had to switch schools and seeing him saying goodbye to his friends made him feel extra worse. Also, it wasn’t for schooling. It was for fornite how good he is at playing it and how he truly believes that he will make money doing so. It was an encouragement buying this computer for him. 

I DO NOT AGREE! He’s freaking 13. He’s still in school middle school. I don’t understand. 

 

My my husband did apologize to me for not including me into the decision. But overall, I just don’t agree with this. It can be put towards rent or groceries or something that we really need. The whole boob job thing was a joke. His old computer was only 2 years old. I don’t see it being replaced just yet. 

I would make my stepson work for the Computer. Like chores! Something!! What’s done is done and In the end of it all, I still lose. 

 

hereiam's picture

Parenting out of guilt is never the answer. Plus, your husband needs to learn what is it to be in a marriage and a partnership.

The $1000.00 computer needs to be returned. And, not so you can get a boob job.

MurphysLaw's picture

“Also, it wasn’t for schooling. It was for fornite how good he is at playing it and how he truly believes that he will make money doing so”

 

again…WOW

Your husband has a screw loose.

BEHOLD YOUR FUTURE:

Welfare & Medicad.

twoviewpoints's picture

Are you sure the computer isn't really so  DH and SS can game?  

There are several husbands of members here who are gaming addicted. As in the supposedly grown men game as much or worse than teenage boys? 

Storytime's picture

No way! He is not into that stuff. Hes outdoorsy. He’s into baseball. Rarely on occasions, we will play mlb2k17.  

StepMamaBear6's picture

I would be furious. I think I would split finances. It’s one thing to “be sorry” and another thing to do something about it. Return the computer or move out - that would be my ultimatum. 

Step-girlfriend's picture

Totally agree. I am over here all like, "oh no he did NOT buy a $1,000 computer without asking her, then admit it was out of guilt and to encourage SS to play since he's good". Like, what in the actual F*CK???? I am outraged and it didn't even happen to me!! (Although SS12 plays Fortnite and another game 24/7, and has begged my SO for a gaming computer. In fact, I took a new job that makes significantly more than I made before, and the very first thing SS said was "Oh cool, now you can get me a new computer for Christmas". HA! Dream on kid!). There is no reason why SS couldn't work to earn it, even if it was just doing some extra chores here and there. I would be sooo mad at my SO if he did this. Godspeed girl.

Maglahokanasabuhayko's picture

I was in your position a few years ago. I feel that pain. That pit in the stomach stress on why can I not have peace.