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Exes, steps, in laws, blending, and the f'd up situations that come with that...

StickAFork's picture

I really wonder if everyone but me feels like family is "blood" and steps/marriage means little to nothing and lives only in "blood's" shadow.

MIL is sick. We received word that a test that was done on a whim indicates that she has cancer. And it's likely serious. She may very well be dying. DH is having a really tough time with it, and what makes it worse is that I don't particularly like the woman.
She has been or done most everything discussed on here. She is besties with BM, speaks frequently of how beautiful "on the inside as well as the outside" she is. GAG. She's 12 feet tall, has a man's hairstyle, and weighs 500 pounds. (Ok, maybe a tiny exaggeration.) She's also the same bitch who kept EVERYTHING from hers and DH's 19 year marriage, including his birthday gifts, tools, you name it. She told him he could come and get them, he (foolishly) signed papers that stated everything was already divided, and she kept it ALL. Table saws, auto repair crap, etc. Then, she actually had the balls to sell it all at a garage sale (we lived just down the road from her.) Oh, and she offered items to SS and SD to give (BACK) to their father as gifts.
Yeah, beautiful inside and out.
MIL invites BM to every holiday.
MIL wore a white lace dress to our wedding.
On and on.

Now she's sick. She has graciously offered to fly DH up there so, and I quote, he "isn't all alone done there." Yeah, because Dh's WIFE and STEPKIDS are apparently non-existant and he's "all alone." Of course, the fact that she wants to pay for his ticket is irritating me. WE HAVE MONEY. I don't know why she thinks we're broke. I make more than DH and he makes a good living!
Of course, she made sure to tell him that they couldn't fly everyone up yeah. Even with cancer, she hasn't changed.

This is the woman who walked out on Christmas because DH and I chose to spend it together. We'd been dating nearly a year at that point and she'd had yet to meet me .


Bojangles's picture

I know that feeling. My husband's marriage lasted 17 years. As the mother of his 5 children his ex is still embedded in his family, and after 10 years I still feel like I'm the undesirable living in her shadow. My husband's brother died recently, BM will be there at the funeral holding court with all DH's distant relatives who she has continued to network with, and who mostly think I am a wicked tart who stole her husband. I resent the fact that my grief for a brother in law that I was really fond of will be sullied by all this petty resentment and tension. I get so tired of feeling like the outsider in DH's huge family.

princessandthepee's picture

Well, most people don't have as toxic a situation as you have, so whether they view in laws as blood or not couldn't be a reference point for you.

Fuck her, just focus on being there for your husband, who is about to be freed from a demon.

oldone's picture

"blood" is meaningless to me. Maybe it's my anglosaxon heritage where it was perfectly acceptable to "adopt" an heir if you didn't produce one vs. the more mediterranean "blood" is all philosophy.

My favorite cousins that I feel the closest to happen to be adopted - no blood there. Just love, affection and good times.

Which is why I feel so strongly that toxic people MUST be avoided - blood or no blood.

RedWingsFan's picture

All I can say is I'm sorry you're going through that. My first husband (DD's dad) - his mother HATED me and always put on this fake smile around me but I saw right through her like she was bathing in Windex (thank you Mariah Carey for that gem of a quote).

The 2nd MIL I had was a doll. I loved her and hated the way my husband treated her. He was always bullying her into something she didn't want to do and he'd claim it was for her own good.

I don't have any MILs now, since DH's mom died about 10 yrs ago, far before he and I met.

I feel for everyone that has MIL drama because I know from the 13 yrs I was married to my daughter's father that it can be HELL.

My sympathies.