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Here we go again !!!

steppie1999's picture

SS/11 was talking to me while I was making pancakes for breakfast and he wanted to know if his BM was telling him a "story".
I asked him what about and he said over the last weekend with his BM, she was saying how she and DH had made promises to each other that they would not bring anyone into their lives unless they were planning on marrying that person.
I told him that this was something that I had never heard his Dad mention before.
SS then told me that his mom told him that his Dad had showed up on her doorstep to pick them (the kids) up and he had me with him......2 days after they'd divorced.
I let him know that this was not true......that his Dad and I hadn't even had our first date until 10 days after their divorce was finalized and that friends of ours had set us up. Besides that, his mom and Dad had been living separate for more than 3 months before their actual divorce.
I also let him know that it was several months before I ever went with his Dad to pick them (the kids) up from their moms house. This was after his Dad (and them) had moved in with me and my BS......because his Dad and I were in love and wanted to be together.
I also let him know that it's not right of his mom to talk to them about the particulars of the divorce and especially when she tells them things that aren't true......just because she's feeling sorry for herself......again, for whatever reason. He asked if that was the same as having a pity party and I told him that it was.This was the end of our conversation.

SS came home Sunday night from BM's visitation weekend with his usual stories of how every little thing he or his brother and half brother did mad her mad.
BTW -We hardly ever hear stories about BM getting mad at his sister and half sister. Anyway, this weekend BM sent SS home with a message that she wouldn't be picking him up in two weeks for their weekend. SS said BM told him that she won't have him over until he learns to behave. Hell, according to SS, he even got yelled at once for not moving his lips enough when he was talking !! WTF ???
(I believe this because it's the kind of stories we hear from all 3 SK's)

I know why she's acting this way......two weeks from today is the 10 year anniversary of their divorce!!!And she's having a big pity party for herself, even though she's been remarried for 7 years and had two more kids with current husband.
BUT...........................
There is something seriously wrong with that woman !!!!!!!!
She seriously needs mental help.
If she can start telling lies about DH (and I) like that AGAIN.......After 10 YEARS!!......then she has some serious mental problems that are keeping her from letting it go and moving on!!!
BM is the one that kicked DH out (one final time) and filed for divorce. BM thought he would just hang around waiting for her to have him back......but that didn't happen. BM thought he would just hang around to be at her beck and call in case she needed or wanted something from him......money, babysitter, someone to talk to, etc. But that didn't happen either.
He moved on (before she did) and she couldn't stand it.
She had a string of boyfriends......most of which were at her place (with the kids) a lot, if not living there, so her supposed "promise" that started this whold conversation was all in her own mind......as I knew it was......and only intended to make it look like DH had broken some kind of promise to her and betrayed her.
SHE'S PSYCHOTIC !!!!!!!

Comments

Elizabeth's picture

I do wonder why divorces seem to affect some people more than others. Sounds like BM can't move on with her life. If it's any consolation, I know what you're going through. SD is 14, and my husband and BM divorced when SD was 2. I didn't even start dating husband until SD was 5. But BM will tell SD all sorts of lies about husband, including that it was his fault that they got a divorce because he was dating too many other women. He did date (and later marry) a woman while they were divorcing, but he didn't cheat on BM while they were married. And what is to gain by telling SD something like that anyway? To make SD feel sorry for BM and turn her against her dad.

steppie1999's picture

Unfortunately, I know every warped reason BM does what she does...
but there is never any valid reason for BM to psychologically abuse her children because she can't see she needs help...counseling, medication, whatever. Poor kids are so confused. They love who they love (including BM even when she acts like she does)
I wish ALL BM's who behave badly would admit their insecurities and get the help they need......for the kids' sake.

Sasha's picture

These rules apply only to the men, or didn't you know that?

sarahbernheart's picture

my FH ex kicked him out twice and kept him from seeing his kids.
the last time FH had enough (continued with divorce proceedings)and started dating.
that threw ex into a frinzy ..FH stuck to his guns ..
even after the divorce was final and a 2 yrs later met me she still thought they would get back together.
she made his life hell for many years but has lately backed off.
thank goodness.

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

Sasha's picture

You see, women like this want it both ways. They EXPECT it both ways because it's more convenient for them. But, by God, let a man do the same and look out...the women deliberately set out to make his life miserable for as long as they can. And usually the men are too soft-hearted (not necessarily a bad thing here)to act in kind. They won't stand up for themselves because they don't want to hurt their kids. By the time the kids learn the truth the damage is already done.

steppie1999's picture

Yes, we've been very careful over the years so as to not add to the hurt felt by the children but unfortunately the 2 SK's who live with BM have joined in BM's "mind games" (SS who lives with us used to join in as well, but he's very outspoken)
I have come to the conclusion that over the years it would not have mattered what we said or did, the outcome would be the same because BM is dead set on making our (DH, SK's, me and mine) lives hell if she personally feels betrayed...even when this betrayal lies deep in her warped psyche.

Kim M's picture

With BM and adult SD turning the younger ones against you.The BM is still w/ the guy that the marriage broke up over.They never married and that was 10 yrs ago.Why am I the butt of the grief?

steppie1999's picture

and I honestly believe they think their life would be perfect if there was no "other woman" involved. I believe they feel justified in everything they do or say, just because they gave birth to the children involved.

If you have a piano, that doesn't automatically make you a good pianist anymore than having children makes you a good parent.

SOME PEOPLE SHOULD NEVER HAVE CHILDREN !!!!

workinonit's picture

My husband has been divorced from wife #1 for almost 15 years. I didn't come into the picture until 8 years after the divorce was final and it's still my fault mommy and daddy aren't together anymore. Why these women do not realize the damage they are doing to their kids because of putting them in the middle of adult issues is beyond me.

skyisfalling's picture

I don't even want to start explaining about how BM manipulates the kids with similar stuff like this. It will just make me upset.

But welcome to my world, I know exactly how you feel.

The BM I have to put up with is a true PSYCHO who has so many disorders but hasn't been truly diagnosed with yet, it's unbelievable.
She really does need to see a Psychologist, like SOON.

"For the love of herself, she acknowledged her worth."