Tired of being so angry
I moved into a home with my husband, 2 BS's, 2 SDs and 1 SS. My SKs were angry when we got married. My BSs transitioned well with the move, new school and now 3 step siblings. My SD17 at the time, made a false report to DCS me. Could have cost me my social work career. My SS13 was bullying my BS10 at the time. He tried to physically hurt him and was touching him and my BS5 at the time on their privates. He refused to stop after being confronted by HD and DCS. So our children have been separated for two years now. They are never going to be near each other again. My oldest went to therapy and I am still in therapy. I have to see my SS every other weekend and I hate it. My anxiety goes through the roof every week leading up to their weekend to be here. He's a liar and is constantly in trouble. When DCS spoke to him about what he did to my kids his response was "someone must have came into the house that looked like me ." He creeps me out and I hate being around him. When he is here, he wants to be with me the whole time and talk my head off. I don't know how to let go of this hate and anger.
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Is your marriage worth it?
Is your marriage worth it? Your skid molested your kids! How can you be around him ever? Where is your husband in all this? Sad for your kids.
My husband agrees for them to
My husband agrees for them to stay apart. I love my husband and he chose to send his kids full time with their BM. My kids are happy and have healed from that year with them living here. I am the only one still hanging onto anger.
If he hadn't sent his kids to
If he hadn't sent his kids to live with BM full time and agreed that they never be around each other I was moving out. We do two holidays and they have not spoken or seen each other in two years. They also live in a town 20 min away now so they are no longer in same school system. If my kids weren't happy and back to normal, I'd leave.
But you aren't happy and back
But you aren't happy and back to normal, and that matters too. Have you had therapy? It might help you sort out whether or not you can move past this.
And in the meanwhile, tell your husband to set limits on SS being in your face all the time. Maybe the lack of limits is what you are really starting to resent. Sounds like he doesn't parent his son.
I attend therapy twice a week
I attend therapy twice a week. My husband thinks I should be over it. My husband is very hands off with his kids and BM is worthless. It's as if my SS plays or really doesn't think he did anything wrong. On xmas lists he will write "see SBs" plays this sweet act to my husband and husband's family.
Good, glad to hear it. Do you
Good, glad to hear it. Do you think your resentment is really for your DH and his lousy parenting? And now you say he wants you to "get over it". Nice. Wonder how he'd feel if your kid molested his.
Honestly, I could not stay with this man given this information.
He is good about separating
He is good about separating the kids now. I'm just waiting to see how he is in the next 5-6 years. He may be done with it and our marriage will be over. He really is good to me and my boys. He just has to be reminded that it could've been other way around and how he would feel sometimes. His son is very manipulative and has everyone fooled but me.
The fool is gaslighting you..
The fool is gaslighting you.. "your kid could have been the monster.. so give my kid and me a pass"? What the heck. I would have lost all respect for your husband at that point.. I can't see why you are with him.
Letting his kid be in your
Letting his kid be in your face 24/7 and telling you to "get over" a significant trauma is not my definition of being "good to you".
There would be no way anyone
There would be no way anyone could work this out? Festering over anger is causing severe anxiety. I feel betrayed and I just want to get past this. My children are safe and happy. I'm trying to disengage from my stepkids.
That's hard to say, some
That's hard to say, some people might - it really depends a lot on many factors, and not just that he separated his kids from yours. That's good, but it doesn't resolve issues from the following sources:
1. Your own history and family dynamics. If you have a history of sexual assault yourself, or a family where it happened to someone else, that makes it more complicated for you to "get over". If you were abused as a child, you may not expect to be treated differently than your H is treating you.
2. Your own personality and temperament - if you have trouble with anxiety or depression, or other mental health issues, you may have a harder time.
3. Your marriage and history - you say you love him and he's "good to you", but your post doesn't read that way. It appears to me that he allowed his kid to become the menace that he is, and continues to allow the kid to annoy you every time he's over. If you had a worse marriage in the past, you may feel this is a good one, but it doesn't seem that way to outsiders.
Your anger is a legitimate sign that your mind is trying to tell you something - keep trying to figure it out.
I am not sure how you can get
I am not sure how you can get past the anger when you still have to see this kids EOWE.
I am not sure that I could get past the fact that my husband would expect me to "be over" his son molesting my children, then expecting me to host him EOWE.
Is your husband getting his son help or addressing what he did, in any way? That would be a real issue for me, as well, if he is not taking it seriously.
Believe me, your anger, anxiety, and feelings of betrayal ARE having an effect on your kids.
He had his son in therapy and
He had his son in therapy and then BM took him out because she said he was fine. She doesn't believe it. I hold my feelings in and I have to take anxiety meds. My therapist doesn't encourage me to leave and tries to help me overcome my anger.
Honestly, I am all kinds of
Honestly, I am all kinds of angry about this. I am mostly angry on behalf of your younger son. First, you bring this monster into his life that abuses him (and his older brother in other ways).. and you STAY with the monster's father and continue to spend time with him in a family setting. UGHH
Your anger at this craptastic situation is valid.. and honestly.. if you don't want your kids to eventually have anger at YOU.. you need to get away from this hornet's nest of losers. and that goes for your husband who makes weak arguments that one of your kids could have been the "axe murderer" and he would have still stood by you? really.. would you really mr? sure.
I'm editing for clarity.... I am sure you didn't have any idea of his children's "issues" prior to marriage.. or at least not the depths of them.. I'm not saying you intentionally exposed your kids to unsafe people. I'm saying it from the POV of your younger child who may look back and see that your choice to be in a relationship with this man brought his abuser into his life and you continued that relationship.. even spending time with his abuser after you knew. I honestly don't know how exactly you are able to be in the same room..
Your anger is a symptom of
Your anger is a symptom of the trauma you have experienced and what has happened to your innocent kids. You and the kids will *never* "get over it" and tbh if my husband said or thought that I should EVER be "over" my babies being assaulted then I would be "over" him and our marriage in a heart beat. It disgusts me he thinks that. Gross*shok*
Also I would not be around his kid ever again. I wouldn't trust myself to nor would I want my kids to look at me differently, that their mam would even be civil to the very person who hurt them and damaged their innocence.