You are here

Thinking about funerals

stepmonster_2011's picture

Some other blogs lately got me thinking about my father and his wife and what I would do/will do when they eventually pass.

I have almost no relationship with my father anymore. I have chosen to not let his toxicity into my life. We didn't have a big blow up or anything like that, but I stopped chasing him to force a relationship. Funny how when I stopped calling and trying, it just went away. I haven't spoken with him in over a year.

Do I want a reconciliation? I don't know. I think we might be too old; and too far down the path to ever have a relationship that is healthy. And that is the only way I want one - I don't want toxic anymore.

That aside, what would I do if he died this week? Honestly, I think I would go to his funeral but I wouldn't take a spot in the receiving line. I wouldn't sit up in the front during the service. And I would make sure that I wasn't the center of attention. I would treat it like if an uncle had died. I think.

With that - what about when my Stepmother dies? I have even LESS of a relationship with her. Not because she's my SM, but because she is just not a nice person. I have ZERO in common with her. And without a relationship with my father, I have even less reason to even try with her. I think I would be inconveniently out of the country for work...

What if Dad died before her? What if she died first?

And a question for you ladies and gents - if you have a crummy relationship with your skids (or none at all) - do you WANT them to come to your funeral? Do you care? Would you be upset if they didn't come to your DH's service?


Lalena75's picture

If my dad goes first it will be awful #1 everything arrangement wise will be left to me oldest child and only one in town. #2 my smom's family will immediately start the manipulating with their hands out because my dad won't be there to stop it so I will have to or she'd end up homeless and financially raped by her own crazy, thieving, money grubbing, entitled sisters. Dad swears he has a will, but my dad is well known for being full of shit on important stuff like that he'd rather not do now but he'll get to it later which is never.
When we thought we'd lose my dad to cancer a few years ago I demanded he and my brother reconcile because I would not honor my fathers wishes to ban my brother from his funeral. I know there are heirlooms we WILL be getting I'm go to court to fight for some against my smom, but would give up plenty if my siblings wanted them I'm not that selfish.
If my smom goes first I though my dad will again turn to me, and drive me crazy he'll threaten suicide, his bills will fall apart and he'll procrastinate himself homeless and broke and he will NOT be living with me. In the end losing any of my parents I really don't want to be the rock everyone expects me too, my grandmothers death put terrible strain on me so I know it'll be worse. My BM has all her ducks in a row we've seen the papers she's been very clear her wishes and there's no steps to fight with heck I have half brothers with my mom but they are brothers we won't be fighting and again I'm in charge of her arrangements too ugh being the "strong one" sucks sometimes. I wish I knew my dad really had a will. I have one, not much for me to leave but I have one, my arrangements are spelled out and how to pay for them.

LONGTIME SM's picture

If they can't have a relationship with thier father while he's alive I would prefer that they not show up when he passes. I definitely dont want them at any funeral related function for me. My bios would not want them there either. Everyone knows by the way they acted when their fathers mother passed that the only reason they would even show up anyway would be to hold there hands out for anything and everything they could get. I no longer care if I ever see them again. I also have pushed the toxic trash out of my life and i will never invite them back.