Need advice on how to manage my DDs
My DH and I just celebrated our 2nd anniversary. We've lived together for 3 years.
In that 3 years we had our hands more than full with his son (SS17). We finally have him in a steady state (no longer living here - he's at a residential treatment facility until he turns 22) and are now finding we have an issue with my DDs.
I have 2 DDs 17 and 14.5. Overall they are very good kids. Smart, well behaved girls but they are still teens. Occasionally some attitude and 1 incident that involved stupid behavior and the cops. (she was grounded appropriately for that stunt)
The issue is chores. They have no chores at their dad's house. He bribes them to do simple tasks around the house, but for the most part his place is a complete disaster. (His problem not mine) When here they are expected to do chores. They know this, and we've gotten to the point where I don't have to remind them or nag them (well maybe occasionally). BUT - they aren't at the same response level when my DH tells them to do something.
I've spoken to them about listening and showing respect by doing as you're told, WHEN you're told. But for some reason they still don't see my DH as someone they need to respond to as such.
I know I need to do something to fix this. I realize this is my issue to manage. I need ideas though.
On one hand it could be a big enough issue that they should be grounded (willful disrespect is definitely grounding worthy); but on the other hand - if it isn't intentional disrespect but more about normal teen laziness/feet dragging over doing chores - then it isn't grounding worthy. Or is it?
They do listen to me, and if I am there to witness the issue I make sure they get to it. But I'm not always in the same room to make sure he's being heard/listened to.
It is definitely bothering my DH, and while I don't expect us to always be happy shiny blendy bradys I would like it for us to all get along and I expect respect from the children in the house to be paid to the adults.