I frequent this site often, even thought I'm not yet officially a step mom. I've been with my fiancee for over four years and we are getting married at the end of the month. His son is currently 8 years old. I've known him since he was just a little baby. I love him so much that it hurts me when he's not with us. I wish he lived with us full time. The background: BM and BD were never married. He was having doubts about being with her when she proposed getting pregnant because of biological clock ticking. She told him she they would try to get pregnant within the year but she had already stopped using birth control and was pregnant that month. Although pregnant, she refused to marry him when he asked and they had the child out of wedlock. They separated when the child was 3. BD and I happened to meet that year and were only friends. After months of his courting me, I finally decided to go out on a date with him and he won me over. We've been together ever since. I love the BD so much and I've helped raise his son so much that I feel as if he is mine. The BM is a disaster. She would rather be at the gym, doing her hair, nails, or hanging out with her latest boyfriend. Her mom (his grandmother) is the one who cooks, bathes, and feeds him. My SS has wanted to live with us since the separation but they have joint custody and that means we only get him on Weds and every other weekend. It was really hard for SS in the beginning to have his week broken up like that and it's still hard for him now. He would rather be with his dad than with the mom. She has never really taken an interest in him since he was born according to the BD. The BD was the one to feed, clean, and play with our SS when he was born. The BM said she just couldn't handle it and was overwhelmed and left the BD to do everything. Now that they are no longer together she has continued this and has abdicated her parental rights to her mom, not legally speaking. BM is a nurse practitioner and makes good money and yet, she rented out her house so she could move in with her mom. I asked her why one day when we were talking and she said because it was easier for her since her mom took care of our SS. I couldn't believe her. Why have a child if you really don't want the responsibility. She's book smart but that woman is just more interested in getting plastic surgery and finding men with money than with being a good mom. I get so frustrated. It hurts me when our SS says he wants to stay with us but has to go back to his moms house where he lives with: 3 dogs, countless cats, 4 guinea pigs, miniature hamsters, a few chickens, 6 gold fish, two grandparents, his mom, and her sister! My SS says their is constant yelling and chaos at his house and wants to stay with us but the mom refuses because she says she's afraid of losing him. She has yet to realize she lost him long time ago because she gave him up. I've helped raise this little boy since he was just turning 4 years old and I have fed and nurtured him as my own. It hurts so bad when the BD's sister makes nasty comments about me to others in the family because she doesn't like me. She wants the BD to be with the BM even though the BM cheated on him! As my wedding day draws closer, I feel sad because the joyous occasion of my wedding is being tainted by her presence. She recently asked my fiancee if I was pregnant because she couldn't understand why he was getting married. She then went on to say that while she didn't care for me, she would welcome any niece or nephew that the BD and I might have. She's insane if she thinks I would allow my child to be around her. As it is her current nephew, doesn't really care for her. The BM wanted to bring her current boyfriend even though he was not invited. It would be nice if, just once, she could focus her attention on our son so that the wedding can go smoothly since BD and myself will not be able to focus on him the whole time. There's just so much to say... Does the family drama ever get better? Will we ever just be allowed to live our lives peacefully????? Are all these little wounds that add up pointless and do they ever heal? As my SS is growing up he is starting to say and do things that make me believe he is being told that he doesn't have to listen to me and I find that I am getting upset a lot over the lack of back up, as an authority figure, from the BD. I just want to cry.