second post
Hi again everyone,
I'm pretty sure this is a problem just within myself, but I cannot seem to shake it. Earlier in the day, I was going to surprise my fiancee by organizing our photos into albums, boxes, etc. I came across ones of him and his ex, her being very pregnant and him rubbing her belly. My own fault I know, but I was immediately sad. Fiancee said he hasn't gone through the pictures ever, apologized and got rid of them though.
Then, fiancee's mom gave his son a picture of fiancee, ss5 and bm. I saw it for the first time today when ss5 came home. Again, it made me uncomfortable and honestly, a little sad again.
My fiancee apologized and said he would talk to his son about the logistics of the family because he has been trying to get us to remember when "Mom and Dad were married" which was years ago and he is only 5. What should he say to his son?
And how did some of you overcome obstacles such as this? I know I should be very lucky to have a fiancee who responds to me the way he does, but it still stings. Does that go away? Are these just selfish feelings I am having?
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When BF and I started dating,
When BF and I started dating, we waited some time for me to spend time with his son. Then, last spring, we gradually increased the amount of time I spent with him. I go to therapy every 1-2 weeks for a long list of experiences, but one of the reasons I continue to go is because I need help adjusting to this step parenting role. It has been invaluable for me to talk about this adjustment with my therapist. Last spring, we had a few instances where BF's son, who lives with him full time, would look directly at me with this mad look and say something directed at BF about him leaving his mom. To set it straight, BM cheated with anything with two legs, and BF had had enough. It totally creeped me out, to be honest. My therapist said, look at him, and just say, "wow, that must be tough." I did. It worked after two times, he stopped saying stuff like that. He seemed surprised the first time I said it.
I think it is understandable that you can be feeling hurt by these trips down memory lane by ss. Knowing that some of it may be coming from bm, since he's so young, is important to recognize. Remembering that he's 5 and probably just loves both of his parents to death and doesn't quite have the concept that his parents might not be perfect yet is also important. Acknowledge your feelings and try to remember he's 5. I'm finding that when bf's son (7) talks about his mom, it irritates me, but I let him do it for a minute, acknowledge it, and change the subject. He also knows that dad and I think it's ok for his mom to not like me, and that it isn't going to stop me from showing him I care about him.
Hope that helps. Hang in there. Vent away here.