You are here

First Timer! I want Fiancee to give kids away!

notimpossible's picture

My Fiancée slowly moved in my house with his three children age 2, 3, and 4. He said, bio-mom left with a boyfriend a year ago because their 4 year old was molested by bio-mom boyfriend and she choose boyfriend over her own bio-children. Three years later after I gave them shelter, clothing, food, trips, and psychological therapy, they call me mom. Finally, when I think that my life has been filled with beautiful wonderful children. THE Bio B**** Mom RETURNS, to our lives because child molester boyfriend left her. Bio mom starts to call my Fiancée and meet with him to talk about raising their children that she in fact realizes she made a mistake. Then, she files charges against me with Children Social Services of abuse. She leaves messages on my cell calling me B**** F***U’s for brain washing her children. The Children Services close my case because they found no evidence. The Bio-mother has them every other weekend and the children return to me with attitude telling me that their real mom allows them to do anything they want. My Fiancée and I are fighting over this all the time. I just found out that Bio-mom is getting married and has 2-more children by her new boyfriend and asking full custody of 3-bio children back from my Fiancée . I was so upset and began to cry I asked my Fiancée to move out and take his children and mama drama somewhere else. My Fiancee spoke to an attorney and he said the other option is to have Psycho EX-wife and new hubby to adopt the children and you will never have to see them again… I TOLD HIM DO IT! IF YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN STAY AWAY FROM ME I CAN’T DEAL WITH PSYCHO BIO-MOM. I feel guilty because I truly love these children, but part of me accepts that I am not the real mom.


distorted reality's picture

I'm sorry that you are in this impossible situation. I'm sure that you are feeling extremely overwhelmed and underappreciated. Add to it, the chaos of a BM who is on the attack, I so feel for you.
I think you need to do what is best for YOU right now. Losing yourself in someone else's drama is never a good thing. If your fiance wants to keep you in his life, HE is going to have to put the time and work in to making you feel safe and appreciated. It is a delicate balance that seems improbable at best. Keep doing what you have to do to keep YOU sane!

Hang in there! Smile

DaizyDuke's picture

holy smokes, so BM has a 2,3 and 4 year old with your DF AND two smaller kids with her BF??? Can you say baby breeder?? you are smart to ask him to leave... do not marry into this nightmare as these kids are young and this will continue for years and years and years get the point.

I bet you're young and there are plenty of fish in the sea who aren't carrying around oversized suitcases (aka BM/Skid BAGGAGE)

Rags's picture

Rather than give up the children you have raised as your own I would suggest that your BF file against BM for termination of parental rights due to abandonment so that he can get his kids away from this psycho whore. Anyone who would pimp their children out to a molester is not anyone I would allow around my children if I were your BF.

Welcome by the way. I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute and to pick up some useful advice from others who are living the blended family dream.

Best regards,

helena_brass's picture

I agree with this.

The best you can do for the kids is encourage your BF to do this, regardless of whether or not you choose to stay with him.

The best you can do for yourself may be to do try your best to get BF to do that (to put your mind at ease) and then leave. I would not blame you for walking away. Honestly, I cannot imagine a father who would even allow the BM anywhere near the kids again after she allowed them to be molested! What is he thinking? There is no forgiving that in my book. I would never procreate with a man like that, but his kids are probably better off with him than with the BM. I'm sorry that you walked into such a mess.

Willow2010's picture

lol @ starfish. I agree, but also, what kind of "man" is willing to give up his 3 small kids to a person that let those kids be molested and who abandoned them?

I think, not much of a man.

sway1's picture

With all the bull crap my sd has put my husband and I through, I would never ask him to choose me over his daughter.
however, sd has made that choice on her own. she chooses to continue to treat us like crap, with that we keep our door closed to her.

CaptainD's picture

No, its not the same thing. She's telling him she can't deal with it.... she did not say "choose" or "pick" anywhere. He can do what he wants but she's telling him what SHE can't do.

bruisedpeach's picture

the parents are the family, followed by the children. END OF. that doesnt matter if the 'family' is made up of a bio and a step. you grow old and live with your mate, not your children. people that base the full and final decision on the classic 'because of the kids' are just idiots who will end up with children who are entitled and the matriarchs of the family, which is backwards and idiotic.
this woman is clearly a better parent than the worthless bm AND the bf but if the bf were to 'pick' the SM and grow a pair of balls then it would be worth salvaging IF he actually could do it.

marissamae88's picture

WOW I am so sorry I feel for you. I have that very fear. I am the one they call mom because their bio mom his a drug using wack job. I am so scared she is going to wake up one day and want them back. Then who will I be? I have no great advice but know you are not alone.

starfish's picture


"I would love for my DH to sign SD away. and I think he would resent me. So here I am dealing. Some days I regret it, and some days I resent DH very much. So what is worse my resenting him or him resenting me? And that doesn’t even touch on what is best for SD."

Halgsmom's picture

I think that these kids are 5, 6 and 7 now. Didnt she say they were 2, 3 and 4.... but that was when they moved in with her 3 years ago???? Or am I an idiot??