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switched personality

Last-Wife's picture

My 17SD and I have always gotten along great. That is, until she found her first boyfriend back in October. Since then, it's been lots of lies, sneaking around, inappropriate photos on the digital camera and condoms supplied by bio-mom (even though she swears they aren't having sex.)

Christmas from bio-mom was a stocking full of trashy underwear. I'm 35 and they made me blush! These definitely were not created for 17year olds... DH and I have recently discovered bio-mom wants to go back to court to change custody (which I can't imagine will take place since she lost custody 11 years ago...) We found out bio-mom has been letting the boyfriend stay there (2 hours away) on the weekends SD is at her house- including 6 days at Christmas break. SD has skipped school to be with the boy and even bailed on a school field trip to play hooky with him. (He goes to a different school.)

She's just really rude and hateful. She tells me she wish I'd move out, and that she hates the way my DH and her brothers, my SS, treat me. She refuses to help around the house and told me just this afternoon, when I asked her to put away HER school stuff, that she wasn't "f*&%in Cinderlla."

This is so not my daughter. We have always been close, shared everything, and worked together. Now, she can hardly be in the same room with me without this evil look of hatred and contempt...

So, is it the age? Is it manipulation of the bio-mom? Is it the boyfriend?

Everyones Interest's picture

I would have told her, "In my house you are."

Listen...I was rotten as a pre-teen/teenager. I would say and do anything to hurt my mom. I didn't have a step in my life, but poor mother! All those raging hormones...all the anger that I did not know how to deal with...I would explode. I remember the feeling of being sooo angry and not knowing what to do with myself.

Anyway, older teenagers think they know everything and are not afraid of telling you exactly what they know. They honestly believe that you cannot possbily understand where they are coming from or that you might have more insight into a situation or person then they do.

I would chalk this up to 'just being a teen' and try to ride the wave. Additionally, there will likely be moments (if brief) of clarity from her. In those moments she may be open to discussing your concerns like an adult. Be prepared for it to be fleeting, but she'll remember the discussions and remember that you were there and cared.