Am I a bad Person?
So my fiancee and I have been together for 3 years and I love him with all my heart. We just got engaged at the end of last year and I'm so excited to be marrying him. But... he has two children. His 6 year old daughter I absolutely LOVE. We connect great and she tells me she loves me and wishes I was her mommy for real. His 3 year old son is a completely different story. I hate to say this but I just can't stand that child. I've tried SO hard. When I got with Alan I knew he had just had a recent break up with BM#2 and that she was pregnant. In the beginning it was really hard because BM#2 was hateful towards me and wanted me gone. She was still in love with my fiancee and wanted to be with him, even though she was the one who had left him. Once I came into the picture her entire attitude changed. Well my fiancee was torn between me and his ex. He loved me but he felt obligated to his ex since she was pregnant with his son. He ended up leaving me for her the day she had the baby. They were together for a year and the whole time he was texting me telling me he missed me and loved me and wanted to be with me. I still loved him very much and so I waited and waited. Eventually he got up the nerve to dump her and we got back together. Since we all live in a very small town I was still able to keep up a good relationship with his daughter as BM#1 is a doll. She had no hard feeling towards me and had been really happy to find someone that loved her daughter since BM#2, who had known the little girl since she was 2, had always said she was a brat. I have NO clue what she bases that on as that little girl is one of the sweetest kids I've ever met and she does exactly as she's told every time. I think it stems from the fact that BM#2 has two other daughters and was probably favoring them.
Anyway my fiancee's son is a total brat. Has been ever since I can remember. He throws tantrums, pees himself even though he's potty trained, will do stuff we tell him not to do just to make us mad, curses, back talks, hits, breaks his toys, breaks our stuff, and makes himself puke on purpose. I always feel like the meanest person alive because, while my fiancee coddles this behavior and gives into his son's demands, I do not. I send him to the corner, or bed, or take away his toys, or even spank him if it's bad enough. Neither one of his parents do this, but this is how I was brought up and how I plan to raise my own children. Neither me nor my siblings turned out to be bad people but my fiance thinks I am too harsh and is constantly accusing my of favoring his daughter and hating his son. I feel SO guilty because even though I deny it to a tee, I know it's the truth. I'm just so scared of telling my fiancee how I really feel because I know it would break his heart and be the end of our relationship. But I don't know what else to do. I love my fiancee and his daughter with all of my heart but I just can't stand his son.
I've been trying to talk him into getting a paternity test because there's a chance his son might be BM#2's ex's. This was a HUGE deal right after the baby was born, but BM#2 told my fiancee she got a test done and it came back as his but this seems EXTREMELY shady because it was a kit she ordered online and she said the results were "emailed to her" but Alex never saw the email and when he asked about it she said she deleted it. I've shown him proof that his son looks EXACTLY, and I don't just mean a good deal, I mean on the nose, identical twin like exactly, like BM#2's ex's 2 year old son whom he had with a different woman. I even went so far as to hold a pic of my fiancee's son at 2 years old up next to a pic of the ex's son and he couldn't tell which was his. I secretly hope with all my heart that he doesn't belong to Alex and this makes me feel like a horrible person. But I feel like that child brings out the worse in me. He lives with us and has since the summer and it's been a nightmare. I want so badly for him to go back to his mother but my fiancee is so happy he's here I can't bring myself to say it.
Since he's moved in I've been more short tempered than ever and it's been taking a serious toll on our relationship as a couple. I spend 12 straight days looking forward to the two he spends with his mother every other weekend. Even my Fiancee's daughter can't stand her brother. He breaks her toys and hits her. If she has her hair all done up nice and pretty he will grab at it and pull it out so it's ruined. He's peed in her bed, he toy box, and even on her! He'll throw toys at her head and call her bad names. I just don't understand how this boy can be the brother of my fiancee's daughter. I feel like I'm in over my head with nobody to turn to. Even my best friend made me feel guilty. Please help me!