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Skid thinks his biomom is SO GREAT....ughhhh!!!

dledden's picture

It really takes everything i've got in me NOT to burst this kid's bubble about his fucked up loser mother.

Background: skid is about to turn 9. has autism and a host of other disabilities/issues (likely from mom's drug abuse while pregnant) he drives me to drink, and he lives with his dad and me and my kids fulltime. Baby Momma hasn't raised him since he was 2, when dad took him away from her because of her drug addiction. Never once since then has she ever even TRIED to get him back, etc. Obviously she don't want him.

That being said, baby momma rears her ugly head usually every few months and calls and asks to see him. I love having a break from him so i'm always like 'hell yeah, come and get em'. She and her boyfriend got into some car accident where they got hit by a city bus. some lawsuit i guess and she was going to get some money. so she started promising the kid all kinds of toys etc. So, she came and got him this weekend, with ALL the toys she promised him! This is the first time she's ever delivered on anything she's ever told him, so fiancee and I were both shocked. So, now of course she is "mother of the year" in his eyes.

Fiancee's been rasing the kid by himself for 7 years with NO child support from her, no nothing other than a few times a year getting him for a weekend. She chose DRUGS over RAISING HER CHILD. And it drives me CRAZY to see how it bothers fiancee that the kid thinks she's so great.

With the Autism and other developmental delays, I don't think he really 'gets it' that his mom is never around, and why doesn't he live with his mom like pretty much all kids do, etc. he doesn't question any of that yet.

Oh, and to top it all off, the kid tells me his mommy told him that he should keep calling me by my first name, and that if he were to call me mommy, she would be really upset!!!!!!!! hahahahah, really? this coming from mom of the year!

ughhh....HAD TO VENT Smile

PeanutandSons's picture

The autism and other disabilities probably have nothing to do with it. My SS is ten and his mom only pops in every couple years and he thinks she is the greatest. SD9 never sees her mom but her mom emailed with her a few times and she's the greatest. kids just love their moms no matter how shitty they are.

Hoping the rose colored glasses come off by the time that they are teenagers. I'm afraid their mothers will take advantage of them (financially, or use their credit, or just use them emotionally) because they will be so eager to please


BSgoinon's picture

I totally get where you are coming from. Right when it seems like SS is starting to understand how irresponsible, and unreliable his BM is, she will follow through with A promise. Like one out of 100. This past week her mom gave SS an old andriod tablet. Now he thinks his moms house is "the coolest". Even though BM has never provided anything he actually NEEDED ever in his life... ever.

Orange County Ca's picture

Adults can't remember what they got for Christmas at that age. But they'll remember who was there day in and day out.

Don't you think for one moment this woman has purchased more than a few weeks or months of glory.

Donewithstepturd's picture

My skid is the same way. 8yo SS thinks his mom is so amazing! She gave up custody the minute she could, and has gone back to court requesting less and less parenting time. She's supposed to get him every other Friday from school. She has been a no show and has made him and school staff wait 3+ hours for her to show up. And then she goes and dumps him off with another family member. Still she is forgiven and her excuses are always acceptable in his eyes. I don't even get a thank you for being on time every day to pick him up, making him dinner, cleaning up after him, buying treats and essentials, etc. It's pretty sad that he swears his mom loves him when it's CLEAR she DGAF about him.

sunshinex's picture

So here's the thing... I've raised my SD from 2 years old (she's 8 now) with my husband full-time with the same type of BM you're talking about. She loves her mom, but she doesn't have a warm, supportive relationship with her. She loves her summer visits where she stays up til 3am playing video games and eating junk food, but she seems a bit nervous when she's with her. There's no comfort. There's no "this is my safe place" type of vibe. She actually seems a bit awkward and uncomfortable in her mother's presense... because she doesn't KNOW her. 

And trust me... He definitely notices he doesn't live with his mom and she's not involved like other kids moms. 100% he notices. He's just not capable of putting the awful feelings he feels about it into words. Or he's thinking it's his fault. But trust me, he notices. How could a child not notice that? And if he doesn't notice, it's because stepmom fills the void to some degree. 

Be kind and patient in situations like this. Your mother is the one person who should have incredible, unconditional love for you. How hurtful it must be - not having that. 


Rags's picture

Your description of your SD when on BioMom visitation is much like my SS's experiences of SpermLand visitation.  His mom and I started dating when SS-27 was 15mos old.  We married the week before he turned 2yo.  I am his full time dad/male example.

On some level he enjoyed his SpermLand visitation time, the same all night gaming with the SpermIdiot though any time with the SpermIdiot was rare.  SS spent the overwhelming majority of his time with SpermGrandHag and both sets of his Great Grand Parents since the SpermIdiot could not be bothered.  

SS understood the severe differences between his real full time family life including the meaningful a loving grand parents he has always had in my parents, and the neglectful experiences of his SpermClan visits.  He would leave for SpermClan visitation a happy, clean, groomed and talking little boy and come back a sullen, smelly, non verbal screaming tantrum throwing and very sad confused child.

His eyes would light up when he and I would play video games though.  I think that was his only fond memories of SpermLand and SermClan experiences for many years.  I am not much of a gamer, I have not touched one in decades.  But I did make an effort to play with him during his younger years.

He was certainly confused by his BioDad not spending time with him, by the manipulative vitriolic things his SpermGrandHag would say about his mother and me, but I don't think he ever felt it was his fault.  His SpermGrandHag made it clear that the root of all evil was his mother and all bad things were her fault.  He knew that was bullshit but there were a few occassions when SS would come home from visitation with some anger towards his mom or me for "starving his younger sibs" (SS is the eldest of 4 all out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawn by three different baby mamas), and not letting the SpermCLan give nice things to the three  younger half sibs because of the CS his mom "made" the SpermClan pay.

These were not difficult issues to work though since SS was increasingly informed of the facts as he grew up.  But they did have to be worked through none  the less.

By the time he was into his teens he was very capable of defending himself against their vitriolic crap because he knew the facts and the truth.  As he progressed into his mid to later teens we would find him reading through the Custody/Visitation/Support file cabinet in our home office when something they tried to pull with him did not pass his smell test.