Well, I wrote about it on a forum post, but it sure did come to life this weekend!

Recap: On Fri, when DH called BM to confirm drop off time, BM's mom got on the phone with DH and asked why they don't see him, why he doesn't call them, why they haven't met our daughter or seen pictures of her, etc. He got a nice lecture on the fact that "they are still family", "for the sake of the kids", yadda, yadda, yadda.

DH said he felt bad. Ex-MIL was nice to him, one ex-BIL was very nice to him, the ex-BIL's kids considered him an uncle. Seems too that he let ex-MIL know exactly where the reason for him no longer being such a part of their family lay - i.e. ME - and needless to say, I was pretty pissed this weekend.

Anyway, so BM wanted the kids back early at her parents' house on Sun for a "family get-together". Fine.

Seems like DH was expecting something to happen. He drove around to the house from the opposite end of the street so that his side was facing the house instead of mine, as is the norm. He tried to hug the kids and say goodbye in the car, without coming out. But I couldn't do this, so the kids had to come around to my side. By then, the ex-family was spilling out. Ex-MIL came out and waved but went to the garden. Ex-BIL came straight down to the car. He was one that had been good to DH, and hadn't seen him in a long time. DH was forced to get out of the car. Ex-BIL hugged him. Then came ex-SIL, then the neice and nephew, and then BM herself. They asked DH was he was going to do right now and when he said he was going home to watch the game, they all invited him to stay and watch it with them (that's what the gathering was for). DH looked back to me as I shook my head "no", and politely declined, politely saying we'd make a plan for next time. Ex-BIL said, "since when do we have to make a plan to hang out? DH just smiled and ignored. DH opened the car door for them to see baby and say hi, but did not take her out. BM kept smiling and saying, "We have beer," as if that'd make DH change his mind and stay. Ex-FIL was the only one who didn't come out, he and DH never got along. I wanted to get away from there as fast as possible.

DH seemed torn afterward, making me wonder if he actually wanted to stay. He said no, but then mumbled something about "for the sake of the kids"... and I almost blew a blood vessel in my brain, I swear. This whole thing was about the ex-in-laws missing him, and he wanted to turn it into something for the sake of the kids???? I seriously couldn't believe what I was hearing. This wasn't even some special occassion for them, just a normal get-together on a Sun evening to watch a damn game. I had a baby in the car without even a cup of milk or a change of diapers because we PLANNED to go back home, along with a dirty kitchen and a sinkful of dishes I had to do, and he was actually THINKING about staying "for the sake of the kids"????? Anyway, we came home. I think he wasn't seriously ever thinking about staying, but he just felt bad about the whole thing, "for the sake of the kids" because if he was still married to their mother that's where he would be, with his kids...

Anyway, I made it very clear that I am not prepared to socialize with the ex-in-laws and BM as a part of my normal everyday life. School recitals, graduations, etc, ok, special occasions for the kids that are planned, scheduled, and exit strategy is in place. I've even helped DH help BM and kids when they moved out of the ex-in-laws' house. But don't expect me to sit around shooting the shit with these people for absolutely no good reason, and don't give me that "for the sake of the kids" crap. There is also - "for the sake of my own emotional well-being for the sake of MY marriage and MY kids".

I don't know if that thinking will change in the future, it might... but right now, I still feel like I need to have a house and a car and all the other "stuff" DH provided for BM when he was married to her, that we can't yet afford, plus I still feel like when my marriage passes their marriage in terms of number of years, then I'll be a little more confident of our life together being the more intact one. But until then, we're still solidifying OUR LIFE TOGETHER as a couple, OUR family, and I can do without the ex-in-laws wanting to play BIG HAPPY FAMILY.

As we were driving to BM's parents' house, we watched the houses for sale, and I saw one that I really liked. When I said Iiked it, SD piped up about how cool it would be if we lived there, right close by to her grandparents. Apparently DH knows it was one of my worst thoughts ever because he said he's sure that I would not like living there. And now, I know for sure that he's absolutely 100% right.