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A House Vs.....

Stepmom2Ched's picture

This blog was posted elsewhere, but wanted to repost it here, since it relates to this website. It was written on 7/14/09.

To buy, or Not to Buy.....

THAT is the question!

On Friday afternoon, it was "to buy."

On Friday evening it became, "NOT to buy."

All because $MM$ and her vindictiveness. EJ and I wanted to buy a house closer to his work and where his son is living. We contacted a local realtor. We were pre-approved for a home loan and we started looking in various zip codes for a house that would be perfect.

It's the perfect time to buy--the price of homes has come down...lots of them are in foreclosure as well. Those homes are being gobbled up quickly, so of course we'd have to act quicker to get what we wanted. a 3 br, 2 bath, 2 car 1 story home, hopefully built after 1990 or so...with no HOA dues. Not easy to find those things...don't really want a pool...would love a laundry room not closet or out in the garage...etc.

Friday night changed that dream. That dream has been put on hold, thanks to realizing that Ched's mother will never ever stop harassing EJ, blaming him for their divorce, blaming him for the fact that her daughters have deadbeat fathers in spite that EJ is the only one who is NOT in arrears.

EJ and I talked it over and are choosing to spend our savings on getting joint physical custody of Ched. The ideal set-up would be to have him every other WEEK instead of every other weekend. Switch on a Wednesday...with taking him to school to drop him off when it's her week, and then picking him up the following Wednesday's in a public place, both parents would share the responsibility of transportation, and we'd spend equal time with Ched.

Will she go for this? Probably not. Why not? Well, it would probably cut the child support payment down to an amount that would be unacceptable to her. November 30th, 2009 is the last day she'll receive any spousal maintenance from EJ, so she'll pitch a fit about that, and then perhaps lose child support on top of no more spousal support?

There's a reason I call her "$MM$" (aka Money Me)...the dollar signs are there ON PURPOSE! She just wants the money, and none of the responsibility of raising Ched.

She called to ask if EJ could pick up Ched on Friday nite because she had to work on Saturday. He said, 'sure.' He got there after work. She instructed him to not ring the doorbell, but just call to let her know he was waiting and she'd send out Ched.

He called the was busy. He called her cell answer. He called the house again, which was busy. Called her answer. Waited about 5-10 minutes, called the house and finally it rang. She told him, they'd be right out. (they?...didn't she say she'd send out Ched?)...EJ met them at the door and she started in on him about YOU NAME IT.

Bitched about the daycare provider...bitched about him 'needing to step up and be a father to Ched.' Bitched about never caring for her girls...oh, like I said, YOU name it, she bitched. Actually told him that he needed to grow a set of balls and get rid of his 'pussy.' (her words, and in front of their 6 year old child, no less!)...and to stop letting ME think for him.

THAT pissed ME off when he mentioned it. I've always told EJ my opinion, but I do tell him, "It's ultimately YOUR choice in what you do, and I will support you 100% whatever you decide." I play devil's advocate...I think of alternative ideas...I think LIKE A WOMAN and anticipate what the next move would be if I were in HER shoes. 99% of the time I'm right and I suppose she's not happy that the think tank over here is outwitting her.

I can't help that I'm a problem solver type person. It's my nature. Anticipating what she plans to do, or how she thinks is becoming easier, because she's running out of 'tricks' to pull on EJ. I guess she thought that when decided to divorce him, he'd be at her beck and call 24/7 whenever she wanted something, or wanted him to fund her reckless spending habits. He decided right after she said there was no way they would reconcile that he wasn't going to do that.


Kb3Hooah's picture

BF used to just not get out of the car when he dropped the kids off. He would pull in the driveway, they would give each other their goodbyes, and out the car they would go and up to the door. He would wait to make sure they got inside ok. This has eliminated alot of attacks.

As for BM saying nasty things about you? I used to be in that position. I was soooo curious back then about everything she would say to BF about me, and it would make me mad to no end. But what could I do about it? What did it accomplish by me knowing what she had to say about me? Absolutely nothing, but build up anger inside of me. I eventually realized that in order to not allow her to bring me down, I was going to have to stop caring what she said about me. I didn't want to hear what she had to say, nor did I ask to hear. As far as I was concerned, if I wasn't hearing anything negative come out of her mouth about me, then nothing negative was coming out of her mouth. It made for a much happier me. Smile

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”