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So tired of spineless SO and BM who never follows through

Stepmama2321's picture

SO had a big talk with BM about SD 8 useage of TikTok. She wasn't on private, allows anyone to follow her (people she doesn't know) and follows 1,000s of people herself. She has made 100s of videos within the last year of having one. Most are dancing to inappropriate songs and doing inappropriate movements as well. In one video, part of the dance was to imitate receiving oral sex by pretending to push someone's head down while sticking out your tongue in a provacative way. Honestly, it made my stomach hurt because that's gross to see an 8 year old doing that. And this is coming from someone who doesn't agree with oversexualizing children (I don't think it's wrong to wear a bikini, etc). Others are her thinking she's a YouTube sensation showing people her toys and BEGGING them to follow her and "like my videos" and "if you don't like my videos please let me know and I'll stop making this type of video". Honestly, those ones are just pitiful and sad because they make you realize how desperately in need she is for this fake validation from random people on the internet.

Anyways, the talk happened and BM accuses SO of calling her a bad mom because she's okay with all of this blah blah blah. They came to the conclusion that since this has been an ongoing issue, the solution was for them to upgrade her old iPad (apparently she was due for another) and simply not download the app on the new one. - My take away was that, cool that gets rid of the problem but neither of you two used this as a teaching moment of explaining why some of this isn't appropriate TO YSD so the issue isn't truly resolved, rather it's been swept under the rug. Whatever, that's their own poor parenting skills at work, right? Well it's been almost 2 weeks since talk (we have EOWE visitation, so this weekend coming she'll be here) and the account hasn't been deleted and videos keep coming! So BM didn't follow through with what their coparenting decision was and now (I'm sure with BM suggestions) SD has deleted SO, myself, and anyone linked to us (like my niece) so we have no way to monitor it when she's not here. 

Here's my dilemma - she has made videos at my home that I want deleted. I've been wanting them deleted for awhile now but thought the whole account will be soon so it will be taken care of. How do I approach this situation? SO is clearly useless so I want to take matters in my own hands. If she brings the iPad, do I explain what I want and why? If she doesn't, do I call up BM? I don't want pedofiles seeing my house and the layout of it or risk having my child on these videos. I just think it's all gross! 
 

Also, just wanted to vent because I'm so sick and tired of my SO, who doesn't parent his daughter either. He won't have her delete the account himself, he leaves it to BM, who doesn't care to parent either. Both of them suck and he doesn't understand that this small issue now at 8 will be monumental at 13 and her bad influence won't be welcome in my home around my 2 young DD. 

Comments

tog redux's picture

I don't know bupkis about TikTok, can you report her account or the videos? I'm sure if you create a fake account, she'll accept a friend request.

And you know BM told her that you guys want her not to use it, or she wouldn't have deleted you. And then she and SO will be surprised and devastated when SD is pregnant at 15.

Stepmama2321's picture

I've reported numerous videos of hers and her account because I believe you have to be 13 to have one and it did nothing. 
 

Thats my issue with this as well. BM isn't following through with having her delete it and is even ENCOURGING her to hide it by deleting us. I've told SO this may be a "small" issue now but just wait 5 years until SD is allowed to have boys over and when you express concern BM is going to disregard your parental opinion. She will be pregnant by 15 at this rate.

advice.only2's picture

So look into the TikTok user agreement, if there is a way to report an underage account try and go that route. Worst case they will close that account and she will just open a new one you know nothing about.

As for your SO and the BM...wow just wow, are they actively trying to sell their child into the child sex trafficking ring?!?

ETA is your SD the 8 year old who swallowed a quarter for a TikTik "magic" trick. Some 8 year old girl was copying a magic trick and used a quarter rather than a dice and swallowed it and had to have surgery to remove it...just wondering since it seems your SO and BM would allow this kind of stupidity to happen as well.

Stepmama2321's picture

Surprised BM hasn't jumped on board with the new #saveourchildren like everyone else pretends to. But nope, she even said "she'll be soo devasted to have to delete it" and SO said "I don't care". She says she trusts her to use it safely and doesn't think the videos are thaaat bad. Okay do you trust other creeps to not message her and probably doing who knows what while watching the videos? It's disgusting. 

MissK03's picture

Tik tok is a breeding ground for pedophiles. Even at 8 kids are pretty tech savvy so if she gets a new iPad and no one monitors it..she will find a way to download it. 
 

Thankfully we don't have this problem with SD13 but, she shows me things and the number of kids making videos to songs like cardi b's WAP is disgusting to me. 
 

I messaged one of SD13s friend's mom a few weeks ago because she had a video up with another girl and the girls had their f'n' shirts off, no bra, and were making a video dancing with their backs to the camera. I was like NOPE not letting that one slide. SDs friends mom went crazy on her daughter lol. She appreciated me sending it. 
 

Your SO is her parent and if he doesn't see anything wrong with his 8 year old doing this.. you may have a bigger problem. I would also demand SO to personally delete videos that were made in your home since you are clearly not comfortable with them. I wouldn't be either! 

TheBrightSide's picture

I think I have an ODP.   you know..... an old....dry...........

 

 

tog redux's picture

Yes, and 8-year-olds shouldn't be dancing to it. GEEZZZ

 

Maybe you should put a "sarcastic" tag on your post.

queensway's picture

Oh geez I was not aware that this would be the veracious... perfect thing to do today. Have you read other blogs today.

Stepmama2321's picture

Normal parents would appreciate it.

SO does care and see the big issue with it. However, the only thing he's done is bring it to BM attention, which hasn't resulted in anything productive. I've explained he needs to be the parent, since he also is her parent, and take matters into his own hands and talk to HIS daughter about it. It's so frustrating that he won't.

Peach's picture

First of all, an eight year old should not be on that app.  That is scary.  I hope your DH will come around before she disappears and is shoved into the trunk of a car and never seen again.  Sad.  I would be extremely worried about her safety.