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Has anyone shown Skid proof their BM lied to them?

steplife's picture

Our BM like many has a habit of trying to make DH look bad any chance she can. SD7 comes home irritated at us and talking about how her mom would NEVER go on a vacation without SD (because DH and I went on an anniversary week long trip, obviously with no children). But BM would Neeeeever do that. More specifically BM would never go to (insert most known child dream vacation place here) without SD.

We have seen on social media that BM has in fact gone to "specific child vacation place" several times without SD and admitted on a post "it's so much fun without kids".

My DH and I don't try to hide that we do things alone and that sometimes it's an adult vacation and yes we do things without SD.

My DH is tempted to show SD proof that BM has said and gone on vacation to "specific place" without her.

Has anyone shown pictures/writing to Skids as proof? What happened? DH would be the one to show it to her, not me.

Comments

mommy0104's picture

we must lead the same step-life!!! Over the last 13 years DH has shown the skids a few times the line of his check that shows "child support" (and SD21, she even sees that line when she needs DH's check stubs for financial aid for her college FAFSA) and they still don't believe DH does anything good. so, we stopped trying and just gave up..if this step life were a contest of who spends the most $$ BM wins hands down according to the skids lol

WalkOnBy's picture

DH has done what moving_on's SO did for the very same reason.

Skids said DH wasn't paying child support when he was. Now that he has custody and she is always behind on her support, he shows them that, too. They are not 7, though.

That's a tricky age, but I am a big fan of the truth and the facts. Not your opinions, not what you think happened but the facts. The key with a 7 year old is to make it age appropriate.

"Huh, let's take a look at your mom's FB. Oh, look at that! She HAS been to The Happiest Place on Earth! Well, what do you know?"

triplea2006's picture

Yes when bm decided no longer to allow the clothes to flow freely between houses and sd9 was upset because she had to wear shorts and a shirt to go swimming (not the bathing suit we bought her because bm refuses to give any of our clothes back). Dh showed the text message of bm no longer sending clothes but the skids still worship the ground she walks on.

hereiam's picture

Not about vacation but when SD had kids of her own, for which her loser ex husband does not pay his CS, DH mentioned how he had always paid CS, in full and on time (early, actually). Her jaw hit the floor and DH offered to show her the receipts. I don't know what BM had told her but obviously not the truth.

Your post about vacation reminds me of when my niece (now 12) was young and stayed with me while my sister went to Las Vegas. Something came on TV about Las Vegas and my niece said, "It's a city and anyone can go there? My mom told me it was a place for adults only and kids aren't allowed!" She was mad.

WalkOnBy's picture

Wait? WHAT?????

She told people that SD died???? OMG - how did she think she was really going to pull that off???

SM12's picture

I am not usually a big fan of involving the kids in issues like this....however. If the child is being a snot about the whole thing and mistreating DH because of Crap the BM is teling her...maybe it would be a good idea to just mention the vaca the mom took.
Just ask SD "How did BM like her trip to XYZ??? DId she have fun?? I have always wanted to go there." If SD looks totally confused then say, "well I saw that BM went to XYZ. Didn't she take you with her??"

Yes I know, bitch move, but since I've had to deal with BM crap for so many years...it feels good to know SOMEONE is able to stick it to her.
And maybe SD will get rid of the snot attitude early before she hits the teen years.

WalkOnBy's picture

++++And maybe SD will get rid of the snot attitude early before she hits the teen years.++++

I wouldn't count on that }:)

Tuff Noogies's picture

i totally agree with this.

if they're not PAS'd, they will figure it out eventually. they may care, they may not. but they'll see.

AllySkoo's picture

Yeah, DH didn't tell the skids anything directly either. Their cousins (on BM's side) were the ones to tell them their mom cheated on their dad and then divorced him to marry the guy. (BM's story for years was that DH left her.) Honestly I think it had more impact coming from anyone OTHER than DH - if he had been the one to tell them, it would have sounded self-serving, you know?

Don't get me wrong, they still love their mom. I think at best what happened is that they don't blame their dad - but they don't blame her, even knowing the truth!

nengooseus's picture

I would show the kid.

I have a rule that I don't lie to kids, whether they're Skid or Bio. DH may lie to them. We know BM lies to them. But I won't. SD knows that if she asks a question, I will answer truthfully and provide backup if applicable.

For example, when BM filed to take legal custody from DH and had us served when skids were with us, I showed SD the paperwork and answered all her questions. We were admonished by the idiot GAL for it (God forbid you tell a 10 year old why her dad was so upset!), but I did it.

Frankly, I don't care whether it changes how they feel about their BM. I just won't participate in her lies.

simifan's picture

Occasionally, we have when BM directly lied - i.e. child support. But will admit to playing dumb when SD then 16 went through all DH's court files. To be honest though it did not help - mom still does not wrong and we are the anti-christ.

another step's picture

SS thought it would be a good idea to rifle FH's papers and read BM's divorce Complaint and Request for Support because he believed BM when she told him that his father was cheating on her and did not pay support. In her Complaint she claimed that SS was mentally and emotionally deficient and therefore she could not work because he had such a level of special needs. (Not true - he is screwed up because she spoiled him rotten but there is nothing actually wrong with him.) He STILL worships the ground she walks on.

Flying.Purple.Step.Monster's picture

GBM told skids that DH and I living together before marriage was illegal too. I called DH over and asked him if he lived with BM before marriage... they had. The kid's mouths just dropped.

Snowflake's picture

In my case I would only have to show one skid a pic of dh and all of his kids, and ask which of these kids doesn't physically belong. Not being mean.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Yup, one day SS and SD said to DH "Mom said you should buy XYZ because she pays for everything for us."
I pulled out the latest CS statement of payments made to date. At the time, DH had paid well over $100,000.00 in CS. Their jaws dropped. They went home that day and asked their mother "Where are the 100k dad has sent you for us?" BM told them "Mind your business" and walked away.
Best moment ever.