Do you find yourself making yet another effort to have a relationship with your adult steps just because you love your DH?

My SD33 and I had a serious falling out about a year ago due to me finding out she married a convicted felon and crack dealer on the sly after intentionally getting pregnant by him. BTW, the guy spent 20 years in prison and has managed to produce 10 kids. She wanted me to accept him as her husband. If I wanted to hang with crack dealers, I’d be smoking crack. Anyway…big fight ensued because I told her he was a piece of shit. Changed her phone number, defriended me on FB (a relief really) and cut off most contact with DH. Now, normally I would be okay with that. But she also has 5 kids that we adore. Anyway, last year she ruined our family Christmas because of it and refused to come over with the children. DH finally ended up going over and getting the little ones and brought them to our house where they opened presents. After that I told him that this year I was spending the holiday with people who actually gave a damn about me and loved me, otherwise known as MY kids and grandkids. And we are going to California next week for the actual holiday.

Meanwhile, she’s called a few times and chit-chatted nicely with me. So over the last several months things have improved between us. Of course, I don’t trust her much. But it’s obvious that DH would like us to “mend fences” so I’ve tried very hard to ignore things I can’t change and focus on being a good sgrandma. So she asked us to come to SGS 13 BB game on Tuesday because it was a special night and the team members were walking with family being introduced, etc. DH had a meeting and couldn’t go so I told her I’d be happy to go and support SGS if she wanted me to. She did. So I took off early from work to get there.

When she showed up after me, she said I had to sign the sheet with my name and relationship and then line up in the hall with her and SGS to get ready to file into the gym. So I’m nice and follow all the rules. So we’re in line and guess who shows up? Yep! The new husband, also known as the piece of shit felon. He walks up and doesn’t speak. Then she turns to me and, in front of God and everybody, says, “SGS and I would rather POS walk with us, if you don’t mind.” WTF???? Who does that???? How rude can you be?

I have to admit, it really hurt my feeling. I just said fine, turned away and went to sit with the other kids. As soon as SGS was done, I beat a hasty retreat and went home. When I told DH about it, he immediately started making excuses for her. And then said, “I’m not trying to make excuses.” So I told him that every time she pulls a stunt like that, I care less about ever having a relationship with her. And that eventually, I won’t want anything to do with her OR her kids. I also told him he needs to let her know that POS is NOT welcome in our home. That hasn’t changed since last year. And it never will. DH is supposed to call her today but I’m laying odds on him just avoiding it like he usually does.

I had every intention of disengaging last year after that little fiasco, but it’s so hard when there are young grandchildren involved. Sorry this is so long! And I know it sounds really petty, but now that my feelings aren’t hurt, I’m just pissed off!!!! At everyone, it seems!!!!