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I’m always the bad guy

JBDmom's picture

My SO decided to stay home to take SD4 to the dentist this morning. I’d made the appointment and told him when it was multiple times. It being in the morning I was skeptical about him actually making it on time. Well the doctor is about 20 minutes away and he just now left to go but only after getting mad at me for telling him if he wanted to change the appointment time he could call the doctor himself. He is a 29 year old man after all. Now he’s pissed because he didn’t want to do it and now I’m not being helpful. On top of SD seeing him home this morning and just whining and crying like a baby about everything. I get told I need to be more sensitive with her and that she’s just tired. No. She knows you’re here and when he’s here she turns into a completely helpless cry baby. I never really have any problems in the morning because I don’t let her whine and cry over little things the way he does. Somehow though I’m being a pos for not babying her nonsense. I can’t wven cry out of frustration because then I get berated for blowing everything out of proportion. Like f@ck I wish he would’ve just gone to work so I could’ve just taken her and avoided all the unnecessary drama he caused this morning. 


Siemprematahari's picture

I wish he would’ve just gone to work so I could’ve just taken her and avoided all the unnecessary drama he caused this morning. 

This is his child and HE needs to learn how to make appointments and make sure he's there on time. You are enabling his behavior by scheduling them yourself and constantly reminding him. He's 29 years old, a grown @ss man. You doing the footwork for him to "avoid" the drama is not going to benefit you or him. He needs to step it up and take care of his.

JBDmom's picture

I completely agree but his daughters teeth are rotting because he wouldn’t get her insurance and take her to the dentist for like a year and I’m tired of watching her have to suffer.

JBDmom's picture

It’s a little too late we currently have a 1 year old and are having our son in a week but luckily I will no longer be able to have children after this. At least he makes really cute kids and they’ll always have me.

Letti.R's picture

It's not about insurance.
It is about competent parenting.
There is no need for  a 4 year old to have rotten teeth if it is brushed at least twice a day with the help of a parent.

Teeth, appointment, man-trums....
Not sure who the actual real 4 year old is in  this situation today.

futurobrillante99's picture

Actually, I know of some children who inherited a lack of enamel on their teeth from otherwise good parents. They had serious dental issues, but I would guess this situation is not that.

Letti.R's picture

Can happen, however, even with poor enamel it is doesn't have to mean rotten teeth. 
It requires early and serious dentist intervention  - probably on insurance in the US because of costs - and  good oral hygiene. 
Like you,  I lean towards that not being the situation based on very little information.

FB99, I have a terrier.
He doesn't really understand English, doesn't like me brushing his teeth, has the intelligence of a 4 year old child: with all of these disadvantages, my dog has no teeth or dental problems. 
You can take care of teeth if you want to - even with small children.

Harry's picture

He was adult enough to have a child.  He should be adult enough to take care of it.  You should stop doing everything and make him father up

JBDmom's picture

You’d think he’d realize that after having 2 kids already huh? The kicker is that he thinks he does everything for me. That being if I over look a little mess or don’t pick up something right away he goes over and does it all while complaining that he shouldn’t be having to do these things for an adult. 

Siemprematahari's picture

You do know that in a week you will be the mother of 4 children (SD4, 1 year old, baby on the way, & your SO) and everything will fall in your lap. You have your work cut out for you.

JBDmom's picture

I know I keep holding onto the hope that he’ll grow up eventually but so far he’s proven that he’s not. It’s hard being in love with a man child but even more so once you’ve had kids. 

GreenerPastures's picture

Helpful is something you do that is extra not something you have to do. You not helping him isn't a problem whatsoever

Thumper's picture

"I'm always the bad guy'


only if you dont put yourself there.


Exjuliemccoy's picture

You really, really need to stop enabling and overfunctioning for this grown man and father. You are contributing to the problem and actually making things worse.

A healthy marriage requires a balance of responsibilities. Yours is out of balance because you're doing his parenting. You are responsible for your own bios, he is responsible for his. You can support him with reminders if you like, but only repetition will help him grow his parenting muscles.

JBDmom's picture

The only problem with this is it won’t get done. We’ve been together for 2 years and her teeth were starting to get cavities then and even after getting her full time he still never did anything about it. I mean this poor girl is going to bed with toothaches lately because they haven’t been taken care of. I want to force him into doing what he’s supposed to but I couldn’t keep watching her suffer. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

So he knows he can get away with crap parenting, because you always cave. You need to change YOUR methods if you want him to change his:

"Babe, little Sally needs to be seen by the dentist. The phone number is posted on the fridge."

"Babe, Little Sally needs to go to the doctor for _______. The phone number is on the fridge."     

"Babe, Little Sally needs to be taught how to brush her teeth and supervised while doing it."         

See? You can support HIS parenting by putting the problem in front of him, and leaving it there. 

There are a lot of single fathers out there who test boundaries and try to turn the next woman into an Instamommy. They assume that anyone with a vagina will be thrilled to do their job for them, and if you want your relationship to fail, just keep doing it. You'll grow resentful, his daughter will grow resentful, and your bios will grow resentful. You'll soon have your hands full with two kids in diapers; you NEED to make him parent.

thinkthrice's picture

"When pleasing you is killing me"

Read thoroughly STAT

Thumper's picture

OP---stop acting like his Mother would...

remind him to do this, or to do that, make his appointments...

HE IS A MAN---treat him like a MAN and not like he is a 10year old boy.

I would bet ya that you didnt always "mother" your boyfriend. Stop nagging him or he may find someone who treats him like a man.

So what if he forget this or doesnt do that...let it gooooooooooooooooo



JBDmom's picture

I don’t nag usually about things and lately I’ve been trying to make him do things on his own but SDs teeth are just so bad. I couldn’t keep sitting by waiting for him to do something while she was in pain.