the messy after math of catching my Son and Steptaughter having sex

We sat them both down and had what some might call a heated conversation with the two teenagers. My husband was not too happy about the situation nor was I. I have been reading blogs here so let me try some of your abbreviations.

DH: SD I thought you were a virgin
SD: I was I’m sorry daddy
ME: And BS what happened to holding on to your virtue until marriage?
BS: Mom I'm sorry it won't happen again. Please don't cry mom I'm sorry
DH: You better be sorry
Me: He better be sorry? They both should be sorry SD gladly had her legs open from what I saw
DH: SHUT UP! JUST STOP IT!
ME: BS you need to respect my house I don't care what girl it is you will not have sex in my house understood?
BS: Yes mom I'm sorry
SD: Dad I'm sorry too. I just wasn't thinking and if I could go back... I'm sorry from now on we are just brother and sister.
ME: I wish I could believe that but in my heart I do not and if this ever happens again I don’t know what I will do
DH: BS keeps your dick in your pants and away from my daughter. If you weren't my stepson I would have knocked you the fuck out.
ME: DH that's enough SD is not an innocent saint. I want you both to go to your rooms and think. Think about what your friends would say if they found out. Think if DH and I had another kid how would you feel how you could be brother and sister with them and then sleep together. BS Think of how me maw would feel. Think of the family reunions.
BS: I'm sorry mom I'm sorry

DH left and went to clear his head and I cried myself to sleep and this morning he was gone off to work before I woke up so we have not had a chance to talk amongst ourselves. This whole thing is a mess. BS admitted to me that that was not the first time that they have done other things before and it won't happen again. I don't want to know nor do I care what other things they did. SD is on birth control so at least I have that burden off my shoulders. My head is still spinning

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I think you need to have a

I think you need to have a conversation with dh about holding his own daughter accountable. He should have addressed his daughter the same as you addressed your son.... Not take it all out on your son as if his daughter was some sort of innocent victim.

what a nightmare. I think you

:jawdrop:

what a nightmare. I think you should go to family therapy, as long as they are in the house together they will e sexually attracted to eachother if they have already had sex and done other things...it will happen again.

I can't imagine

Now I am confused about that

Now I am confused about that to. I asked her after DH left if she was on birth control and she said yes. Now you are making me wonder. When DH gets home I will ask him I hope she is not lying. My heart is beating out off my chest right now. My BS was always such a good boy and he promised me that he would save his chasity and marry a virgin girl one day. But teenagers lie. My son lied to me.

dog person. I actually do

dog person. I actually do agree with you . Right now I am the idiot with egg on my face. I wish this did not happen but its a little to late for that.

A lot of girls get on BC for

A lot of girls get on BC for other reasons than its original intention. Dr's prescribe it for hormone balance, irregular periods, extreme acne, so, she could be on it for that. I agree that you guys should go to family counseling. I also agree that it will most likely happen again. Teenagers are notorious for faking remorse because they got caught, not because they are truly sorry or because they will not do it again. Your DH's reaction was typical of most dad's when they find out their little angel is having sex, it is all, "that little bastard! I'll kill him, how dare he take advantage of my baby" unfortunately, he had to have that reaction about his wife's son. Most fathers do not like to have to face the fact that their little girls grow up and become sexual beings, so it is easier to blame the "hormone raging hairy legged boy", as my dad used to call them. I used to work with teens, one told me that the statistics these days are around 70% of teens have sex before marriage. Do most regret it, YES, but it is too late. How will you keep them apart when you can't supervise them?

^^THIS^^ I was on BC when I

^^THIS^^

I was on BC when I was 14 because my cycle was so irregular. I was embarassed and never told any of my friends. It had nothing to do with being sexually active because I WASN'T. In fact, I hadn't even been kissed yet.

Hi Dog Person........there

Hi Dog Person........there may have been other reasons she was on BC. I was on BCPs at 15 because of horrible, debilitating cramps since I got my period at 11 years of age. I was a virgin until after I turned 18.

I went on the pill for acne

I went on the pill for acne when I was 17. Didn't lose my virginity for two more years. Cleared my acne up in two months.

I went on the pill for acne

I went on the pill for acne when I was 17. Didn't lose my virginity for two more years. Cleared my acne up in two months.

I went on the pill for acne

I went on the pill for acne when I was 17. Didn't lose my virginity for two more years. Cleared my acne up in two months.

I went on it at 14 for severe

I went on it at 14 for severe acne and bad cramps as well. My skin cleared nicely within a few months and the cramps weren't as severe. I lost my virginity at 14 as well, but it wasn't because I was on the pill, it was because of a very slick boy who completely snowed me. I still regret it to this day

My doctor started me on the

My doctor started me on the pill to help regulate my periods. Without them a lot of the time I was bleeding 2-3 weeks at a time & then stop for 1 & bleed again. I was anemic & kept passing out. Being on the pill made a big difference for me. At that point, I was 22 & already sexually active.

That said, teenage hormones lead to sex (more often than not). I would assume a teenage girl with raging hormones minus the worry & what-if's regarding pregnancy would be even more likely to have sex. Then you leave her alone with a guy she's "into" at home daily...IMO, a parent would have to have their head in the sand to think that their kid wouldn't do it.

My cramps were so painful I

My cramps were so painful I would vomit. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain and these would knock me down.

When I was about 30, I went off of the pill and started using a diaphragm instead. I thought to myself, boy was I a drama queen when I was a teenager. My cramps probably weren't all that bad! LIE!!! Oh my holy crap, I was back to the vomiting once again. I tried to deal with it with meds but it's too much for me. I went right back on the pill until I replaced it with an IUD about a year and a half ago.

There are some great herbs the re-balance hormones, Vitex and Dong Quai. These helped a lot with my transition from the pills the IUD and help keep my PMS and cramps at bay.

I suffered from debilitating

I suffered from debilitating cramps as well from the first period on. I would miss school and just stay doubled up in bed. My Mom was the same way. My sister, not a cramp in her life. Weird, huh, how some get them and some don't. I am a firm believer in Vitex for rebalancing hormones and there is another one, Maca Root Powder that is really good for you.

I feel sick. Mabey a

I feel sick. Mabey a babysitter is a good idea.

Time for them to get after

Time for them to get after school and summer jobs, it won't stop it but they will be busier and separate more often and teen jobs are a good way to meet new partners. Your DH may not be aware she's on bc, you don't need a parent to get it, and that still leaves STD's your son use a condom (teach him quick women lie about bc ALL the time!) wrap it every time all the time. Babysitter won't work they'll get around that, and you'd be throwing money away, get them jobs.

This is a VERY good idea.

This is a VERY good idea. Make them get jobs...at separate places.

5 months.

5 months! No wonder. It's

5 months! No wonder. It's not like they grew up together, so they REALLY don't consider themselves sister and brother.

I never thought they were

I never thought they were doing anything. I was just happy they got along. Last night I cried myself to sleep. I just don't know anymore. I thought I knew my son and could trust him. I think counseling would be a good option for us.

LOL. I was thinking the same

LOL. I was thinking the same thing.

Me too.

Yep.. same here!

Is this for real?

Why would you ask that? Sound

Why would you ask that? Sound advice would be appreciate thank you.

I think she's just a little

I think she's just a little surprised how naive you and your DH are. I'm not trying to attack you, but you actually believed your son when he said he would wait till marriage for sex, and you and DH put two 16 year old kids together in one house and thought nothing would happen, well, that's pretty unrealistic.

I mean, weren't you horny when you were a teenager? Don't you remember how it was when those hormones starting hitting?

amber3902, please clear

amber3902, please clear something up for me.. what you are saying is that (2)-16 yo's of the opposite sex, when left alone together, will have sex.. period. Is that what you are implying? I just don't agree.. and NOPE.. I was NOT horny when I was a teenager. I thought boys were cute, but sex was the LAST thing on my mind. I WANTED to save myself for marriage! In high school, I was too preoccupied with school and keeping up my grades, hanging out with my friends, and sports. Also, you seem to be implying stepcover's ignorance in the fact that she "actually believed" her son.. why? Because he is 16, therefore he MUST be a liar? Because he is a boy, therefore he MUST be horny and ready and willing to stick his penis in whatever hole he can find?

Please don't take this offensively, I promise I am not at all trying to be rude.. I'm just trying to illustrate to you that it seems your implication here is that all 16 yo boys are liars and horny as hell.. AND, stepcover and DH should have known better! I just don't agree with that, but then that's just me. I actually believe what my son tells me, not because I think he is a perfect angel, but because I have no reason NOT to believe him.. yet.. he very well may prove me wrong someday, but until then, I have no reason to doubt that he is telling me the truth.

I'm sorry, I just felt it was a bit of a low blow directed at stepcover. She's already feeling lousy about the whole situation. I don't think we need to worry about placing blame or faulting anyone, rather we just need to support her and give her 'constructive' advice.. don't you agree? That said, I DO believe that by 16, teenagers are responsible for (most of) their actions. It's not mom and dad's fault for leaving them alone in the house together.. why wouldn't they? Why would it even be an occurring thought that their children were going to have sex.. like it's a 'normal' thing that happens every day.

stepcover.. I'm so sorry, honey. I DO agree with some of the previous posters, though, in respect to your son and SD; they aren't the only 'step-siblings' to get themselves caught up in this type of situation. It does happen, maybe not commonly, but still it happens. I have a similar story in my family, but kinda backwards. My uncle met a nice lady, they dated for about 2 years and became engaged. At their engagement party, my grandpa (uncle's daddy) met uncle's STBMIL. Fast forward 7 weeks and grandpa and STBMIL ran down to the the courthouse and got hitched before anyone ever even knew they were an 'item'.. hehehehe.. uncle and auntie weren't set to be married for another 6 months.. so, when it came down to it, uncle married his step-sister. That was 28 years ago and the 2 happy couples are still together; however, I'm sure you can imagine the laughs we've had at their expense.

Your are in my prayers, stepcover.. the whole family is! And you said it best.. God WILL see you through this.. all of you!!

My advice to you would be to

My advice to you would be to get family therapy on the horn now. The ramifications of this are more far reaching than your emotions I am afraid.

If these teens are minors and had sex in YOUR home, then ultimately YOU and your husband are responsible. At least, that is how the law views it in my neck of the woods.

The post is almost identical

The post is almost identical to the plot line of the 70's porn flick "Taboo". I am not saying this to sound mean or cruel but that film caused a huge stir in an age where blended families was a relatively new thing.

And your right, some states have laws that govern this and CPS could swoop in should they get wind of it. If any of these teens high school peers find out...Damn..they may be forced to move to a different state. Also any future relationship they try to pursue will crash and burn HARD if their future SOs get wind of this.

I agree. They are both

I agree. They are both responsible for their actions and I was upset when I said that and did not mean it. MY son is responsible as well and I understand that.

Wow, I can't imagine how I'd

Wow, I can't imagine how I'd feel if DH had a son instead of a daughter and I caught my daughter in a compromising position...Yeah ICK.

I don't have any advice. Sorry. Just wanted to offer some sympathy to your situation and hope that everything works out well for you all.

Crew?

Kinda reminds me of the movie

Kinda reminds me of the movie Cruel Intentions in a way

Catherine and

Catherine and Sebastian...(Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ryan Phillipe). With Reese Witherspoon too Great flick!

Yes, but I don't remember

Yes, but I don't remember much of it since it was a long time ago.

And the blowup at the end of

And the blowup at the end of "That's my boy"

Ewwww... YES, but that was

Ewwww... YES, but that was seriously just wrong and gross because those two were bio siblings!! I was shocked that they put that in the movie.

Just watched that last night.

Just watched that last night. That scene makes me want to throw up every time. "That's what good looking people do, they have sex with other good looking people". :sick: :sick: :sick:

Yeah, even for Adam Sandler,

Yeah, even for Adam Sandler, it was still pretty shocking and definitely very gross!!

I agree with the others that

I agree with the others that advised family therapy, because they do not view themselves as siblings.

It's also important for you and your DH to sit down and discuss his reaction, as he seemed to treat your son as a rapist. From what you wrote, it appears he didn't place any responsibility on his daughter.

Someone else suggested separate living arrangements. This may be best until they are out of the house.

I'm really sorry this has happened. (((((hugs)))))

So sorry you are dealing with

So sorry you are dealing with this. I would definitely look into separate living arrangements. I actually know a girl that got prego, and had a baby by her step brother in this exact situation. Horrible stress it put on the family.

I didn't read all of the

I didn't read all of the comments but I would have been much more mad at DH for putting the blame on my son and for yelling at me to SHUT UP in front of the kids than what they did. It takes TWO last time I had sex, so unless he raped her, which I'm sure he didn't, she is just as much to blame as him. If DH always has this attitude that his daughter is not to blame for nothing then it's going to be long ride for you. I respect you for trying to raise your son to save himself for marriage but like someone else said you got to be real, it just don't happen much anymore. Best thing to do is to teach him to be smart and safe about who he chooses to have sex with. I'm sorry you are having to go through this, it sounds like a mess. You and your husband really need to discuss it alone and be on the same/united front with them. This could tear a marriage apart in a heartbeat. Good luck.

I think this was a high

I think this was a high stress shock moment and things were said out of sheer panicked reaction. They should discuss this once cooler heads prevail, right now both of their heads are spinning. I would just separate the kids at this point.

Honestly my head is still

Honestly my head is still spinning right now and I feel like a fool for not thinking twice about them being home alone together. I am an idiot for thinking my son would stay a virgin. I failed. I was stupid enough to think that we could be one big happy blended family. I think therapy will help us and I am willing to do it. I also may think if all else fails I have not yet sold my old home and my son and I may have to go. I feel I failed as a parent. If you think my story is just a made up plot for a bad movie I understand because if it happened to anyone else I would be in disbelief. I am in disbelief and it happened to me . How could I be so stupid?

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Teens do reckelss/senseless things without forethought. My biggest concern would be both of them lacking the "this act shouldn't be happening between stepsiblings" chip. At this point my first reaction would be to separate the two.

You're not stupid. I think

You're not stupid. I think you just forgot what it's like to be a teenager, and maybe you thought these two kids would view each others as siblings and not just another teenager. I mean, when you watch the Brady Bunch, you forget that those kids aren't related to each other, so I could see where you just thought your families would blend, easy peasy.

You realize where you've failed, now is the time to correct your mistakes. Make sure your son knows about condoms, safe sex. I would encourage him to wait, but if he does decide to do something, make sure that he feels comfortable enough to come and talk to you, instead of feeling too embarrassed or shamed to let you know what's going on.

And moving out may be the only way to fix this.

Good luck to you.

I have a son, he is grown and

I have a son, he is grown and married now, we are good people, go to church, he was raised to know right from wrong but there was no way I ever thought he would stay a virgin. He was a teenager, I was a teenager once, I remember what happened as teenagers!!! I never thought about blaming myself when he had sex though. I was not really disappointed in him as a person. I never thought it made him a bad person. We had a good enough relationship that he came and told me and I bought him condoms so he wouldn't have to get them out of the gas station bathroom. Maybe I am a bad parent but he is married for 10 years now to the same woman and is very happy. You looked at your family as just that "family" they see each other as teenagers that were not raised as family. That in no way makes you stupid or anything. It's time to stop the pity party and accept what has happened and move on. it's not the end of the world and far worse things have happened. At least they are not blood related.

Thanks new to this. That was

Thanks new to this. That was the slap I needed. No more self pity. I just need a drink right now.

You really can't blame

You really can't blame yourself for this. Maybe you were niave. Maybe you didn't see it coming, but those kids are responsible for their own actions. They knew exactly what they were doing and they knew it was wrong. If they really thought they were "in love" and that's why they did this... then they wouldn't be apologizing. They KNOW they were wrong. You have not failed as a parent. Failing as a parent would be condoning this behavior and not taking the proper steps to prevent it in the future.

Cry, cry your eyes out today. But then, pick yourself up, and take back control of your house. Take the steps you need to (whatever you and your DH decide they will be) to keep this from being an issue in the future. This is not the end of the world. It is crap, that life is made of sometimes. You can get through this.

Thank you Echo. I wish I did

Thank you Echo. I wish I did not have to deal with this. I wish I could erase last night. I will never forget seeing my son like that.

I am guessing they did not

I am guessing they did not hear you come in?

Make sure you put bells on

Make sure you put bells on both their doors - on the outside so at LEAST you can get a decent night's sleep }:)

I also questioned whether

I also questioned whether this was real? I'll just assume it.

I too think you need to find alternate living arrangements. Either two of you move out or one of the kids goes and lives with the other bio parent. Seriously. IMO, its the only option. Family therapy? Pssshaw. And I am a therapist by the way. If you continue to keep these kids in close quarters and well you already know they are apparently sexually attracted to one another-of course it's going to happen again. Forbidden fruit, and all that makes it even more exciting.

However, I dont think it is illegal by any means. In my state 16 is the age of consent, they are not blood related. However, I could see perhaps dcs getting involved on the basis of lack of supervision from the parents.

By the way, if this is not a real post, what sort of sicko sits around and thinks this stuff up and then actually takes the time to post it on a message board?

I never thought it was not

I never thought it was not real. I told the OP that this happened with a family in my hometown, so I know it does happen, it is just not common or ideal. I agree that it is not illegal, at least not in this state. 16 is the age of consent here as well and it is not incest as they are not related by blood like you said. If this was called in to CPS it would most likely get screened out due to the children's ages. They are above the age requirement to be left at home alone after school. This would be a tough one for a worker to handle because it would not be classified as lack of supervision, it would not be considered age inappropriate sexual behavior, it would not really even be considered child on child perpetration since they are both consenting, and child on child perpetration is not normally investigated anyway unless a parent knows the kids are doing it and does nothing about it, then it becomes a case of failure to protect. I would tell the OP, if real, that from now on, just to be on the safe side, and to keep CPS from being called, NEVER leave them alone at home again. I don't think there would be anything they could do to you, but it will save you the hassle.

I also questioned whether

I also questioned whether this was real? I'll just assume it.

By the way, if this is not a real post, what sort of sicko sits around and thinks this stuff up and then actually takes the time to post it on a message board?

Wow that would be shocking,

Wow that would be shocking, embarrassing, and would probably make you even a little angry. At your son, at his daughter, and at yourself for not seeing it. But you shouldn't be mad at anyone. Concerned and determined, yes. You had no reason to suspect something like that and both teenagers are equally at fault - your son and his daughter.

As hard as it may be please don't go blaming his daughter and insulting her or attacking your husband for being mad at your son. You wouldn't like it if your husband spoke unfavorably about your son so why do it to his daughter? It's wrong and not a healthy way to handle the situation. It's understandable that you both acted emotionally in the moment though. Try your best to focus on solutions and to not harp on blame or the past. Everyone is going to feed off of everyone else so it will be important to lead by example.

Since the two kids are being apologetic and not defiant I would give them a chance to prove their words. Words are easy to say but if they don't match up with the actions then the actions are the truer statement.

This happens, people just

This happens, people just don't talk about it. I was 10 before it dawned on me that my Aunt's Mom was my Grandfather's wife & yep, Uncle is my Grandfather's bio. It isn't discussed. My Grandfather remarried my Grandmother's best friend, these 2 couples raised their children together & when my Aunt &, Uncle started dating was actually 3 months before my Grandfather started dating his wife. They connected, as adults over the death of biological parents. Obviously noone talks about this. The upside? My Grandfather & step-Grandmother always had 1 set of kids for the holidays. My Mom's HS sweetheart is now her step-brother (they broke up when their parents started dating) & my biological Aunt is now "sisters" with her childhood bestfriend.

The issue should be sex in the house. They're going to have sex with someone somewhere, just shouldn't be in YOUR house.

You are here

the messy after math of catching my Son and Steptaughter having sex

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