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random question: does your SO/DH/DW make Skips comparisons?

step to grown children's picture

I was just thiking about my kids. I think my children are pretty good teens. My oldest graduated a year early from HS and has already completed a year in college about to start sophomore year. Has had a job since 16 and used to pay own phone, contributed to car insurance and phone bill. working part time, I did buy the car and pay for phone, dad pays for helth insurance, lives with me but I dont pay for anything else. pays for own medical copays etc.

Biochild#2 straight A student still in HS. 

Biochild#3 straight A student still HS.

My DH and I were talking about his kids and how much drama they cause. He was trying to turn things around to make feel like I was the cause of the problem for example: basically to just let sleeping dogs lay.  That he (DH) doesnt cause any problems with my children and that I should do the same.

I understand that as a parent we want to defend our children but my chidlren come home, they eat, they have assigned chores that are responsible for and they pretty much keep to themselves. they dont even bother me. On the other hand, his kids have never had any form of structure or responsibilities, such as chores in the house or curfews. Most of our problems have been because of that, visitng the other house and the house being absolutely filthy and disgusting... My children do not have to make arrangements to visit me, we communicate and because of their age (still minors) we still have assigned visitation schedules. His kids are grown and they do not make the attempt to visit their dad so that is another problem... anyway, list can go on and on..

when the other kids are not causing problems, why even bother to bring them into the equation?

 

Comments

ESMOD's picture

You know he is just trying to absolve himself of some of the guilt that he feels about his kids.  You have pushed for the SS to pay or move out.   It's happening now.. and your DH doesn't want to be the bad guy.. he wants to blame it on "you not leaving it alone".. and would love to find fault.. no matter minor with your kids so that he feels less bad about his own.

NoThanks's picture

Wow, talk about deflecting. YOUR children (the ones you’re responsible for) are doing well. HIS children (the ones he’s responsible for) suck. And that’s your fault how? Oh, because you speak up when they cause issues. Didn’t you know you’re suppose to forego peace and comfort in your home and push your feelings down to not upset the precious skids? Seriously, these men are ridiculous. Even if you did comply with that, the issues is that his kids aren’t learning how to function in society. He may allow them to be assholes in his home but that won’t be the case in the real world. It’ll be one failed situation after the other. And they’ll always claim its not their fault. The boss is mean, co-workers are jealous, professor is racist/sexiest/bias, etc. 

Cooooookies's picture

Deflection.  He doesn't want to face how his kids are messed up and yours are thriving.  It's easier than dealing with the reality that he's failed his children.

grace8205's picture

My DH tried this early on, even brought up the “you hate my kid line”. My kid was only living with us half time at 16 and his kid was living with us full time. His son would break all of the few rules we had, be rude, drink all my beer, bring and do drugs in our home and is the messiest human being I have ever encountered. The worst thing that DH could bring up was sometimes my kid would leave the pantry door open. Once he in a heated argument he said he has his own issues with my kid. I asked what those were, he had nothing to say. Years later he admitted he had no issues with my kid at all. Now he wishes his kid was like mine and tells me I am very lucky to have such a kind and considerate son. 

step to grown children's picture

Exactly!

His oldest could not even graduate from HS. The SS is actually ok besides not willing to take on financial responsibiltiies and the youngest pregnant at 16, HS drop out. Was supposed to finish HS online I was even trying to help her so she could finish it but I was the only one doing the work so I stopped!

My kids are not perfect but they are good studens, they are respectful, they can be lazy at times. I have to stay on top of them to maintain their rooms clean, walk their dogs, and do chores etc. but they have good hearts. When I lost  my job, they wanted to give me their allowances that their bio dad would give them! they made me cry. My oldest had a job and was trying to give me her 200 check. I dont understand why his son rather move out to grandma than help his dad????