You are here

So my DH thinks I'm a bully...

step to grown children's picture

So, I got home last night around 8:30 pm. Went looking for a birthday present for my mom. DH was grilling and drinking some beer. I didnt say much. I went to bed watched TV. 

I found his phone dead on the kitchen counter so I plugged it in to charge it. By this time, he was already asleep.

Not too proud because I have never looked at his internet history but anything else we share passwords for: social media, email.etc. we are faithful so we have nothing to worry about.

What I found was devastating. He was searching how to change his Facebook password, maybe to talk to his kids without me knowing?

Searching for "my wife is a bully"

And "can someone read my texts remotely?"

I have absolutely nothing to hide and he has even his fingerprint saved on my phones (Including my work phone) in case I need him to access it.

On the other hand, just the thought that he feels that he needs to have privacy makes me crunch

I think we have gotten to the point where I have lost respect and trust and he has other needs 

By the way, I did confront him!

Comments

step to grown children's picture

Well first I asked him if he really thought I had downloaded some app (we both have the same phone) to mirror texts? He said he wasn't sure when I was reading his texts. I told him, I have had your phone in my hand and handed it to you!

2. If you wanna change your fb (we share one account) password, go ahead but that means ALL passwords will change so you will no longer have access to my stuff

3. If I'm a bully, then what are you?

tog redux's picture

I'm a big fan of privacy in a marriage.  I don't have DH's passwords and he doesn't have mine, except for our phones, which we would not look at, we only have them in case we had to use the phone.

If I were frustrated with something DH did, I might google something related to it - I like to read and understand things that are bothering me before I do anything about them.  I know others feel differently, and that everything should be an open book, but I trust him. I want the ability to do stuff like post here without it being something he can read, and I'm sure he does stuff he might want to keep private from me.

Anyway, I think you have to let DH know you are disappointed that he's going to resume his relationship with SD without talking about what happened, and then let it go. Stop buying any presents, etc, with YOUR money and let him just have a relationship with his kid without you.  It would be a black mark on our marriage, for me, but you can't make him talk to her.

step to grown children's picture

I agree

We actually have An app next week

DAWNMARIE1227's picture

I was a fan of privacy in my first marriage and he was on dating sites while we were married. That was a lifetime ago.  

I don't  snoop but reserve the option and if I feel something  off then usually in my past I've been right.  I'm not above it if my hunch says look. 

My hunch says no right now but  it might not always feel like that.  

tog redux's picture

If someone is cheating you will find out without snooping, at some point.  If I have to snoop, I’m done. 

step to grown children's picture

oh sorry..

step to grown children's picture

No 

Not pressuring to stop

We should clear the air so to speak and not pretend nothing happened 

That's my husbabds MO

STaround's picture

He regards your insisting on clearing the air as bullying? 

Harry's picture

Something is going on. Or there no need to change passwords.  This is the first thing that happens when marriage start going bad 

ITB2012's picture

you are the bully and as a momma's boys he's believing her? Perhaps he complains to her about his marital problems?

beebeel's picture

People with poor/non-existent boundaries often think you are a "bully" or "controlling" for having them. It's projection with a dash of gaslighting for flavor. Just keep dragging his delusional ass back to reality with phrases such as, "I really don't give a damn what you do, my love. But I won't live with x,y or z."

Merry's picture

Well, if you’re a bully so am I. I’m sorry to have to welcome you to the club. 

I JUST got the last skid expense out of my monthly budget. skid is 34. 

step to grown children's picture

Oh hell no! 

I think he is trying to make up for lost time.

The other day he made a comment that made my head spin like the exorcist 

Maybe the daughter w the baby can come live w us

WHAT??

I know she wont. So I didnt say anything

I can't wait for mine to leave the nest that's why I'm putting them through college so they can have jobs and not come back lol