The Difference Between DD12 and SS13: Lots of Parenting
So DD officially turned 12 like two months ago and has pretty much started testing her limits - normal teen aged stuff. Now, this is a very sheltered, sweet, kind and caring girl. So her "testing" is really nothing compared to what I've seen with SS13 or when I used to teach 6th and 7th grade.
Her father and I share custody with a 60/40 arrangement. We have 3 kids and are in contact quite often discussing different issues/needs of the different children. I will consult with him and he will consult with me, but ultimately, we handle things in our own homes seperately. Recently, we've discussed a joint punishment because we want to nip a certain issue in the bud.
DD12 - oh sweet DD- she tries to lie. She's really, really bad at it and she lies about the silliest things. For example, one of the first incidents I experienced went down like this:
I asked her where her ipod was one night because she always listens to it at night. She said she didn't know then she said it was downstairs. Turns out she was hiding it from me because she cracked the screen. Not a big deal. She's taken very good care of it for over 2 years. I explained to her that I'm more upset about the lying and if she doesn't tell me when she has problems, there's no way we can fix them. We just need to save a little money (she does) and get the screen replaced.
So it's little things like that. Her dad had an incident where he saw a note in her backpack from the teacher. He asked her if she had anything for him and tried to give her like 5 chances to fess up but she didn't. So, since he told her that if she lied again, he'd strip her room, he had to do it. When we spoke about it we discussed how silly it was and how dramatic we are being over silly things but that it's important to follow through.
Now, SS13 - totally different story. And there is no way in hell DH will consult BM regarding anything. We have full custody and she has EOWe after being absent for 7 years. So she wants nothing to do with discipline. She won't even ask him about homework. She'll tell DH that that's not her job since she's not "primary" - uggh! And she doesn't pay CS... so what exactly IS her job with this kid?
Anyway, I'm thankfull I have my DH to support me in the home and my exH that I am able to work so well with outside of my home. SS13 won't get that benefit and he has and will continue to suffer for it.
Sad
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Comments
I agree. I'm glad your dd has
I agree. I'm glad your dd has so many adults who care about her. That's why I think it all boils down to parenting. If the kid lives with a parent who lets them get away with everything, they won't pull their head out of their a$$ at the very least until they no longer live with said parent. I
"so what exactly IS her job
"so what exactly IS her job with this kid"
Well duh - she provided the golden uterus. Spitting out that crotch dropping is all she ever needs to do. That's probably what she thinks. :sick:
that's the problem, she
that's the problem, she didnt' spit. }:)
Oldone always cracks me up
Oldone always cracks me up with crotch droppings. lolol
I think you're on to
I think you're on to something. She thinks that simply because she's the mother - whether she disappears for 7 years or not- she's the center of the child's world.
Apparently, SS believes her, so what's a girl to do?
What helps me is to remember
What helps me is to remember that I don't care for BM, but she will always be the girls' mom so they will always love her, flaws and all.
I think SS is so excited to have her back in his life too. All you can do is what feels comfortable for you. Maybe that means stepping back and letting DH handle more stuff regarding SS. Maybe that means knowing you are doing the right thing as a fellow human by this child.
Yes. I agree. Whenever I'm
Yes. I agree. Whenever I'm alone with SS, I 'll ask him if he's doing something special with her on his upcoming weekend or if he has anything in mind for her birthday. I try to help him out in that regard (even though I think the woman does him more harm then good), I try to set a good example for him.
DH on the other hand is still really angry with her and despises the woman for what she has done and continues to do to SS. He is not able to get past it, so I try to be the voice of reason, but trying to keep DH in the power position with SS.
It's hard to see this woman hurt SS so much. I try to tell him that she's doing the best that she can and she doesn't realize that her choices and actions effect SS the way that they do. (Even though I think she's a worthless, lazy POS).