BM's PASin Makes Me Literally want to BARF
So BM's EOWe visits always come with something fun - her PAS!
This week, SS13 told us all about how he's scared to play tackle football and is afraid he'll get hurt. This is AFTER BM found out she would have to drive him 3 times a week during summer to his practice. She tries to talk the kid into believing he doesn't want to play.
This is AFTER she talked him out of basketball and after she talked him out of baseball - just so she won't have to drive the kid anywhere.
We had a long talk with him after each of those seasons and he told us football was the only sport he wanted to do. We let him know that he was going to have to show up for practices and put his time in or he wouldn't make the team when he got to high school. So he was all for it. We even found a pop warner program one city over where the kids don't have to try out (our city is very competitive and they need to try out and since he's only played flag football to this point, we thought we'd start him in the easier league).
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Anyway, we told SS that he
Anyway, we told SS that he was playing SOMETHING and it was starting this summer. He could do karate - which we've recently pulled him out of since he was acting like a disrespectful little turd in the class and we are having him focus on homework during the school year moving forward. We told him, swim team, karate or soccer - all of which will require the same, if not more of a time commitment than football so it was his choice. If he was really so scared all of a sudden, then he could just do swimming. And there's a team in a different city over that does not require try outs as well.
He started to back pedal a bit.
I told DH to give his boy a pep talk before bed, letting him know it's ok to be nervous about it, but the league is designed to teach him, he has natural skills (lol) and he can do it. Mom's are protective by nature, but that he's ready for this. ... and then just to give some basic man-talk, without putting BM down too much for just being a lazy good for nothing absent mom that tries to talk her son out of doing anything that would put her out.
We never tried to talk Skids
We never tried to talk Skids out of any activity. But if one parent makes the decision without considering the other parent then its on the deciding parent to provide transportation.
There was no way we could do 20 - 25 miles on way to get skids to their activities....many times dh had to give up his time. Then in many peoples eyes he becomes a dead beat dad. I got tired of my kids paying the price. You had added gas money, added time etc.
Then we live in rural USA, so what do you do for 2+ hours while skids have their thing in another town.
So is she passing? Or are you asking her to do something she can't do?
Good question, but I'm going
Good question, but I'm going with PASing. It's not that she "can't" it's that she "won't" and she has told the mediator flat out that she refuses to.
This entire football thing started last fall - also just a few months after she came back into the picture after a 7 year absence.
We let her know when he had practice. She gave us many excuses. We offered to give her gas money, take him ourselves - everything. But she would not take SS to games or practice and SS ended up sitting out most of the season. Her time was reduced based on her refusal to take SS by the judge.
When they went back to court in Feb, she agreed to take him to his events and activities and it is written into the court order. The judge even said, "if he has all this natural ability, we should be doing everything we can to support him." That statement was in direct response to a letter she had her neighbor write in support of what a great parent she is because she plays catch with him in the front yard. The neighbor also stated that the boy is a natural athlete, etc, etc. I'm sorry, but playing catch with Mommy is not the same as running around on the field with other 13 year olds and getting coaching.
She hasn't taken him to his school fundraisers and now she is letting us know - 4 months in advance - that she won't be taking him to football.
And what do you do for 2+ hours? YOU SIT AND WATCH YOUR DAMNED KID DO SOMETHING THEY LOVE TO DO! It's called being a parent.
I realize that BM doesn't want DH to dictate her life and her time with her son, but this is mother that is just now deciding to be a part of SS's life after a very very long absence. He should not have to suffer because she does not want DH to "tell her what to do."