The Dawning
Last evening I had this big revelation hit me, and wrote it on here but it seems to have gone into outer space somewhere. It suddenly hit me yesterday how everything that makes the skids dislike (hate) me is directly linked to DH. Either he does not discipline his kids and so I talk to him and then he talks to them and they KNOW I talked to him about something I want them to do or not to do or change or clean up or whatever, and they hate me for it. Or it's something DH wants to do that directly will affect the skids (mostly ss16 of course since he still lives with us) and I will say No or not a good idea and DH goes ahead and does it (adopts it) and in a little while its' not working out and I become the bad guy for making it go away or correcting the situation in some way or other.
This revelation did not hit me until yesterday I am in the kitchen making brownies, per bs15's request, and ss16 walks in and dumps his dishes in the sink, of course he rinses them and sets them into the dishwasher and is ULTRA polite to me but over doing it by a lot. I know he is spitting angry at me right now b/c we got rid of the dog. I don't blame him, I'd be so angry too. But he's not mad at daddy who brought the dog into our home before we were ready but at me for bring it all to an end. It wasn't my fault that everything went bad with this dog but I am being blamed.
This has happened in several different scenarios with all the skids, including my sd27, where dad makes a promise or does something and it's not a good idea and I put him into reality check and the skids hate me.
I am now beginning to think this is a universal smom delema. Of course it's reversed if the smom is not holding up her end of the parenting and the sdad is made to look like the bad guy.
Anyways, maybe I am slow on the uptake but this just is now dawning on me, how my DH's lack of good parenting (he's a good parent but lacks follow through or wisdom in a lot of areas or makes promises he cannot keep due to the fact that I have to fork over the money and decide not to) causes the skids to hate me.
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Comments
I feel ya. People keep
I feel ya. People keep telling me, and I pray they're right, that there will be a day when the skids will see things for what they really were/are. We can't expect the love a biological parent will get, but someday, if they have any brains at all, hopefully they'll see all the good stuff and realize what the big picture actually looked like. And MAYBE one day they'll be a SP and they'll have a WHOLE new appreciation for you. Oh, wouldn't' that be great? If only we could switch shoes with others, wouldn't the world be a better place?
In the mean time we have to make ourselves happy and certainly can't depend on skids to do that.
I didn't say I got rid of the
I didn't say I got rid of the dog, DH got rid of it after he realized it was absolutely not going to work. What woman doesn't excuse the faults of her husband and what husband is completely without faults. I whine and complain about his faults on this forum, but that doesn't make my dh a bad dad or a bad husband, it makes him an annoying husband and a poor parent at times, I am not perfect either. Please be careful before saying things harshly.
I was married to my ex who I would say was a bad husband and father. He called the cops on my daughter and me, finally got rid of both of us, had custody of my boys for awhile til I got custody and then called the cops on my bs18. HE IS A BAD PARENT and HUSBAND. My current dh might not be the worlds most perfect and does a lot to irratate me but I am 100% positive he will never call the cops, slam me into walls, punch my face, hurt my children or any of those other things my xh did to me and my children.
My dad does this to my mom
My dad does this to my mom all the time. She hates this. Dad thinks he's improving by consulting my mom I stead offline plans without consulting.