Okay - advice - BEWARE life story. Lol
Okay, so I have a bad history with men. Lots of abuse. Lots of infidelity. However. I've always been loyal (even when they didn't deserve it) and I don't just walk away from a relationship easily. But. If I leave. I'm gone for good.
So here's my delema. Im trying to figure ME out. And my feelings.
I've been with my FH for 6 years. definitely had our ups and downs from finances to detoxing and drama and BS. Its been a rough road. He's been diagnosed manic bipolar 1. Back in 2017, and some days it's like I switched men. He can be a completely different person.
We have two girls, one his and one mine. None together. Yet. Not planning one either.
How do I make shit better even when we want to kill each other. He's sleeping next to me right now, and seemed great before he crashed out
But. Some days. I Walk on egg shells and pray to avoid an argument. Lol
Can anyone help me control my shit and just stop being so anxious.
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Living with someone who is
Living with someone who is bipolar is extremely hard, and I can only imagine trying to parent with someone who is bipolar. Is he regularly seeing a therapist? If not, he definitely needs to. Also, is he on medication for his disorder? If not, he definitely needs to be. If he is already doing these things, I'd say just leave and cut your losses. It is never your job to fix a broken man, no matter how broken. If he is not already doing these things, you should definitely recommend them to him and see if his mood swings become more controlled after this. If you bring these things up to him, and he's not willing to listen to you, then leave him because he obviously doesn't care enough to try to make beneficial changes to this relationship for you.
Meds
I actually went with him to dr to get him off chemical based meds and since then he's been so much better. His system reacts weird to medications, dr did this test to tell us what meds reacted best to his system and alit of them had adverse effects because of something with his folic acid. I don't remember the way he explained it. So now he just smokes cannabis and has been for months. The chemical meds actually made his mood swings SOOOOOO bad
Yeah
NOPE.
RUN!! And do NOT get preggers.
Probably unpopular opinion
Probably unpopular opinion for some, but some folks with mental health issues cannot make good life partners, even if they are in treatment. Our treatment options aren't foolproof. There are people who regularly fall through the cracks. Your FH may just be one of those people.
Before completely deconstructing who you are as a person, really look at your relationship past and future. Is the cannabis solution a solution long-term, especially if chemical meds are off the table? What will his employment options look like if he lives somewhere that requires drug testing? Even with cannabis, it sounds like he's still up and down; can you deal with that long-term? Will he go to therapy? And, when he's on a swing, does he do things that put your home, finances, and/or life in jeopardy?
My mom is bipolar. My SF has threatened to leave her many times when she hasn't been able to control it. It's not easy living with and loving someone who is bipolar, especially if they cannot find meds that adequately manage their illness. My mom has gotten VERY lucky to find a regimen that works. Without her meds, though? She's a f**king nut who does crazy sh*t that makes it very hard to deal with on the outside.
If staying with him is what you ultimately decide to do, then it would be wise for you BOTH to go to therapy, together and separately, to figure out a plan for how your life will need to play out. It likely won't be "normal".
Yes
He works - he owns his own successful business in the cannabis industry so drug tests dont matter lol
No he's never put our finances or lives in jeopardy.
Therapy is already happening. We moved and this pandemic happened so we have to talk over the phone which we were doing anyways. But therapy helps sometimes if we are having issues.
I also agree with lieutenant
I also agree with lieutenant_dad. My sister is bipolar (and ADHD) and I just don't think I could live with someone on a daily basis who had it. Not to mention, I have my own issues (not quite bipolar but I am no picnic sometimes).
I don't feel that you should have to "control your shit" and being anxious is normal when you have someone like your FH in your life. Only you can decide if it's worth it.