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OMG.. am I crazy to expect this?

stayedtoolong's picture

Last Fall DH, without discussing it with me first, had SS16 try out for basketball. While I know, being the lowly piece of crap step mom, I had no veto power, at the very least I expected to be informed of the costs, logistics, etc.. Nope. Not one discussion was had about any of this. Or what the expectations were for me.

Since then, there have been multiple times where, at the last minute, I am being told SS16 needs a ride - we are talking from the morning of, to mere hours before - and I am left scrambling to try to accommodate him or having to tell him no.

Oh, and let me also tell you that SS16 isn't the one informing me he needs a ride - DH is.

Yes, SS16 will call or text DH daily about needing a ride. Sometimes it is while I am here, in the same house as he is - literally in the next room working. I work from home 99% of the time - DH has an odd shift that is more of an in between 1st & 2nd shift, so I am here when the kids get home from school.

I have sat SS16 & DH down on multiple occasions and told both of them to do 2 things each week if the expectation is for me to help with transportation:

1. Write down your schedule and times
2. At the very least, see if BM can do one day per week to help (we have full custody, it's the least she can do)

Have they held up their end of the deal? Nope.

I have asked multiple times and SS16 refuses to so much as text me his schedule and when I tell both of them "hey, this week for sure I can't do this day or that day," it gets, I guess, ignored or not taken seriously, because guess who gets called and asked for a ride?

See I have my own daughter and she has a sport in the evenings as well - a sport that I coach, so it's just not possible for me to be at SS16's beck and call. I can sometimes move things around, but some days that's not the case and schedules conflict. I also have a night where I do something for myself (GOD forbid, I know).

DH tells me bullshit like "SS16 is afraid to text you for a ride because he thinks you will get mad." Really? Why would he think this when I have asked him to communicate his schedule with me so I can plan? Sounds like a cop out excuse. Or maybe it's because he waits until the last freaking minute and well, I do get pissed because it puts me on the spot, creates stress and gets his dad pissed because he's at work and has to deal with this crap constantly.

I have even been told to look at the schedule we have printed out. Yes, this idea sounds simple in theory - but you don't live in my house, nor have you seen the schedule. First of all, one never knows where the schedule is. I have tried putting it on the refrigerator and that doesn't work. The Neanderthals that I live with knock it off, step all over it and lord knows where it ends up. Or it ends up in some pile of crap that is either DH's or SS16 and I'm not rummaging thru it to find it. Not my problem. Second, the schedule is in some code that I'm not familiar with - the teams, schools are all abbreviated and half the time it's wrong or changes. So forget it.

I have finally had enough and told them the only way I am helping him is on my terms - PERIOD. I hate to be a bitch, but I'm sick of everyone being pissed off at me over something that isn't my damn fault.

Comments

Sports Fan's picture

Not crazy to expect them to communicate but crazy to be helping with the transporting when they are treating you this way.

stayedtoolong's picture

I disagree with this. Why? Because he has sent me texts before - just last week when he needed a ride home from school and he isn't the type to "just crumble from a sideways glance" - he's more argumentative than that and has no problems asking for things his entitled ass wants.

I legitimately believe that he's not communicating on purpose - just to cause issues between his father and I.

I have asked for a heads up - at the beginning of the week as this isn't unreasonable. I don't get anything.

Just this week, on Wednesday, at 4:30 in the afternoon I'm heading out to go to a class and SS16 stops me and says "aahhh.. my dad told me to ask you for a ride to practice at 6:30"... seriously? 2 hours notice? I repeated my "have I not asked you for a schedule? It's unreasonable to expect me to do this with 2 hours notice" speech.. and then said "I will try to get back by 6:15, but can't promise. I'll call you at 6 to confirm".. what happened? DH left work early and took him.

Fast forward to Thursday (one of the days at the beginning of the week I told both DH and SS16 I COULD NOT take him to practice).. 4:00pm SS16 walks into the room "aaaah, my coach isn't sure if he's doing films tonight and practice might be at 6:00 instead of 6:30".. in my brain I'm going WTF?..JUST YESTERDAY WE HAD A DISCUSSION ABOUT THIS AND.. I TOLD YOU AND YOUR DIPSHIT FATHER THURSDAY IS A NO GO!!

I was livid. This is absolutely disrespectful and complete bullshit.

AllySkoo's picture

"SS16 is afraid to text you for a ride because he thinks you will get mad."

"Then you are REALLY not doing him any favors by asking for him. Are you going to ask his boss for his raise when he gets a job? Are you going to propose to his future wife for him? No? Then perhaps he should get used to speaking up for himself, yes?"

stayedtoolong's picture

Agree Smile

hereiam's picture

If my SD was too afraid to ask me for a ride, then she should be too afraid to ride in the car with me, too. }:)

stayedtoolong's picture

I have sat him down. He basically acted like he understood and then did nothing I asked.

I have made a calendar and they ignored it. Just like telling them "I can't do these days".. it's like they don't think it's real or something.

See, this starts from the top - with DH - and trickles down to me. DH doesn't enforce this shit, so they just half ass things and think I'm here at their beck and call.. nope. I have actually had SS16 tell me "you have to take me or my dad will get mad at you" - last summer when I had 2 SS's in football and was struggling to coordinate the practice times ( they were at absurd times like 10am-2pm and then back to the school at 4:30), my work/meetings.. etc. FINALLY I lost it and told all of them "NOPE - not doing this. I have a job and if you can't be respectful enough to write down you practice schedule every week then I will not take you" After a lot of fighting over WRITING down a schedule and me being an absolute bitch, they did it... but only after me reminding them every damn Sunday night until it was done.

stayedtoolong's picture

No. He is 16 and my 12 year old daughter can give me a schedule of things without me having to corner her to do it.

He doesn't know it by heart. He has to look at it daily. The school gives you one schedule for each month and that's it.

He just thinks everyone is here to do things for him whenever he wants. Zero consideration for other peoples schedules at all.

I have asked him to do his part enough. If he can't be adult enough to hold up his end of things, too bad.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

He refuses to do his part so there is NO way you can do you part. Get a bus schedule and let him figure it out.

dogtac69's picture

You are not asking too much for them to give you SS's schedule. If he does not give it to you, then he simply should be out of luck. Once he misses a few games/practices, he will get the message. You will have to hang tough for this to work. Do not give in a single time.

hereiam's picture

I have actually had SS16 tell me "you have to take me or my dad will get mad at you

I would have dropped to the floor and rolled around while laughing.

If they do not comply with your wishes regarding a schedule and notice, STOP doing the transporting.

In fact, I wouldn't be doing it at all anymore, since you have been down this road before. They know they can take advantage of you.