I didn't put this in my initial post.

The morning SS13 threatened me and I called the cops, the cops told DH to take a drive so they could peak to me in private - jut 20 minutes, but they wanted to know "my plans" - they were genuinely concerned and compassionate.

DH had been forcing me to put my CS in the shared checking account for year claiming we "needed it" and we did to support the boys. We had them full time and my daughter 1/2 the time (my ex and I live close and have shared parenting). I still get CS (my ex makes 4x what I do) and I have a good job as well making a nice sum of money.

DH made a lot less than me and also was unemployed off and on over the past 3 years - more OFF than ON.

And BM paid so very little in CS - less than a weeks worth of groceries for these little assholes - in a MONTH.

So, I began to save money on the sly. I would skim off the top of EVERYTHING I could - 20 here, 40 there.. I sold my purses and shoes. Took all the boys outgrown clothes to resale shops (DH never knew since he never did things like go thru and get rid of things that didn't fit). When I would go to the grocery, I would buy a 20 gift card here and there because I knew when I left him, he would make me fight for everything and anything that was mine (small stuff wise like kitchen goods, towels, etc.)

Over the year or so things were at their worst, I had close to 1200 saved. Not a ton, but it was a good start.

So that morning, while I was speaking to the cops, DH went to the bank and took out 80% of what was in there. 80 mother effing percent! It was not all his and he knew it, but he didn't care.

I had set up our account to send me alerts if there were any large transactions and while I was talking to the cops I received a text.. I read it and told them and they both just shook their heads and asked me if I had any family to help me out. Unfortunately, I do not. My parents weren't what anyone would call parents and I was raised by my grandparents. Who are deceased.

The cops left a few minutes later and I went directly to the bank and took out what was left. It wasn't much, but combined with what I had already managed to save, it was enough to get me out of there.

So, my point is this - protect yourselves. These men, most of them, want control and will do whatever it takes to keep you under their thumb. They break you down emotionally and mentally - steal your hope and make you feel less than human by removing any control you have over your environment.

Believe me, I was there. I felt hopeless and afraid of being able to make it if/when I was able to get out. Saving money over time gave me a sense of power. Scanning the craigslist ads for places for rent, gave me knowledge and an idea of what I would need to get out.

Get informed. Save money. Have a plan. All of this helps you have hope - something DH doesn't want. Something this crappy environment robs you of over time.

I hope this helps each and every one of you and please, if you want to message me and ask for advice, vent, anything... I am here. You are NOT alone.

All of my friends have noticed a DRAMATIC change in me. They all say how much happier I am. How less nervous and neurotic I am.. lol.. they see the old me again and are so happy to have me back. So am I.