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POLL: How many of us are SP only?

starfish's picture

I have no biokids and this is my first marriage. DH has 2 skids and this is his 2nd marriage.

Plans on having my own child is slowly slipping away.

I find myself wondering if my dislike for skids will ever get better or the resentment will only grow if i do not have my own child..


luckykell's picture

I am a SP with no bio's of my own. It is very hard, and I do have feelings of resentment and jealousy that I probably wouldn't have if SD5 was my own child. I do plan on having at least 1 child with FDH.

"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."

herewegoagain's picture

I was a SP only for about 8yrs...when my kiddo was born I think the resentment lessened for a while, until I realized that my kid would always suffer the consequences of SDs poor parenting, SDs money hungry BM, etc...therefore I always felt I had to protect my son from them...

I think it is different for everyone...but I also think if you dislike your skids or resent them before, it will get worse...if you like them before, then it might not matter or actually your relationship might get better...

glynne's picture

I am SP only. No kids from prior marriage and none with DH. I don't know if our marriage would've survived if we would have had children. My ability to disengage from SD and her relationship with DH is my key to survival. With a child - I would've been protective - I don't think I would've allowed SD to interact much with my child. I also would've had problems with 2 sets of rules at household - guilt parenting for SD and good parenting for my child.


NachoMama's picture

I have no bio kids and 3 stepkids....I go back and forth between wanting and not wanting a child of my own....just depends on the day. Today would be one of those days that I DO want one...but that's probably because my cousin just found out she is having a little girl and this stupid song I just heard on the radio.....ugh....

****I can do bad all by myself****

JMC's picture

No biokids, my 1st marriage, DH's 2nd - he has 2 daughters. Although I go back & forth on the idea of having our own child, it's not gonna happen because I'm too old to be raising babies! Maybe a foster child if things work out....


Abalyn's picture

I have kids so I can't answer, but I thought this was interesting so I asked my kids' SM.

She said she loves being an EOWE SM because she still gets to do mommy-type things but also has NO responsibility to them and gets to enjoy lots of free time with ex. Ex didn't want more kids, and made that clear to her early on, so she had to decide how important kids of her own were to her. She made that decision at 19, and now that she's 29, she kind of regrets it.

She said she still wasn't resentful of my kids, but she was resentful that ex made her choose at such a young age. And she's upset with herself for limiting herself like that. But she said she's glad that, especially since she won't have kids of her own, she gets to be a SM and be mommy-ish to my kids.

We're pretty tight though and I doubt many of the BM's that we talk about on here would be so welcoming to a SM's presence in their kids' lives.

Mich811's picture

Abalyn, what a great relationship you have with your kids stepmom!

I don't have kids of my own yet, but we are having fun trying...

Pantera's picture

If I didn't know better, I would have thought I wrote this post!!! I have 1 stepkid, no biokids, this is my first marriage, DH's second.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

sm27's picture

I'm a SP only, and like nacho, I also fluctuate between wanting to have a baby and not wanting to with SO. What scares me is that I don't want to have the whole blended family thing for my baby, and sometimes I have these fears of getting pregnant and it not working out between SO and I. I guess we need to work on us before we commit to bringing a baby in this world, but I definitely do want one, and I do resent sometimes, that someone he never loved got to have his firstborn.

Super Step-Mommy's picture

No bios....FH has a 2-yr-old whom I love like my own and I definitely wants BKs. I think having SD2 around only increases my baby fever. FH and I both want more kids but we're not going to try until after the summer. How old are your SKs? Maybe you can find some common interests with them that may help start the bonding process...or at least help you guys be cordial to one another. I think if you don't start now, after your BK is born it may drive you further apart from your SKs(because you dont like them it may translate into stay away from my baby) than bring you closer together. I hope it works out for you!! Smile

Positive Thoughts. Positive Actions


StepMadre's picture

Me too! I had a complete hysterectomy due to ovarian cancer so I can't have bio-kids. I have always loved kids and dreamed about having my own so it was really hard to come to terms with not being able to have bio-kids. After BM lied to H about being on birth control TWICE, H got a vasectomy to ensure that she couldn't get preggers from him again. So, as he likes to say, we are both "fixed." Lol. On the plus side, I have been so involved with my 3 year old nephew's life that he feels like mine. When my sister was pregnant, every time I would touch her belly or sing and talk to him, he kicked wildly. I held my sisters hand and leg while he was being born and I was the second person ever to hold him. He lives a few doors down from us and I see him almost every day. He is my perfect little angel and I can't imagine loving any child more than I do him. I would throw myself in front of a bus to save his life and the love I have for that little sweetie pie is so strong that it's overwhelming. I am his favorite Auntie and he is my favorite little guy in the whole world! I am so wrapped up with being an Auntie to my little sweetie pie that I think I have an idea of the love bio-parents have for their children. I am biased, but he really is one of the most incredible, sweet, loving, funny, darling, smart, goofy, talented and all around wonderful little kid that I know. He knows he has Auntie wrapped around his finger and he knows I would walk on hot coals for him, but he never takes me for granted and is very loving and sweet. Unlike my BM, my sister is actually raising her son well and he is extremely polite and always says please, thank you and no thank you and we never have to remind him. He loves animals too so we bond over that as well.
I still feel sad sometimes that I can't have bio-kids, but it's better that than dying of ovarian cancer!! H and I are going to adopt a baby in about five years so I will get to be a mama too and fulfill my dreams of motherhood. I absolutely adore babies, so I'm hoping we will be able to adopt an infant or very young baby. We also want a girl, but I would take a boy too obviously. H and I already have her name picked out! Whenever I see H holding one of my friend's babies it makes my heart melt and causes me to tear up a little bit. He's so sweet and loving with babies and toddlers and they love him. My nephew loves him too and because the skids would rather play video games, H is teaching nephew how to repair bicycles! It's so cute! H was a bike mechanic for years and years and riding bikes is his main passion so he has the whole set up at home for repairing all of our five hundred million bikes (really only 8). When H is working on a bike, Nephew follows him around like a puppy and already knows more about tools and bikes than I do! H can ask him to grab him a specific tool out of the box and he totally knows which one and gets it!!! H loves having Nephew help and is really sweet and loving with him. Makes me so proud to be with such a wonderful man, husband, father and uncle!
But, anyway, right now I have my hands full with the skids so we want to wait for a few years to adopt so they will be more independent and we can focus more on the baby. I can't even express how much overwhelming joy and emotion I am going to feel when H and I actually have a baby together, with BM completely uninvolved (that bitch isn't going anywhere near my child). It will also be nice to not be the only girl in the family! I am surrounded by boys and live with three of them so it will be great to have a little girl to balance things out.

So, I am a bio-kid free SM now, but I have my darling little nephew and will adopt in a few years. I have always loved kids and worked in a pre-school and an elementary school so i've been around a lot of them. I can't wait to have one of my own!!!

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde

starfish's picture

no problem........ i do think you should think long and hard before you move forward with BF...... i think alot of us steppers can agree that things seem to get worse with skids after marriage (at least initially).. i don't know if it's that things change or the reality of it all sets in..... dh & i dated 2 years and lived together 1 yr before we got married........ and have been married for 6 yrs and i still can not stand when we have skids... they aren't god awful either, but i just HATE when they are here... but i love my DH so much that i guess it's all worth it--- well, we're just entering the teen years, i may have to get back to you on that one... best of luck to you and bf!