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POLL: I wonder how many of your DH were LEFT BY BM

stepof 1nitemare's picture

After reading another members blog about SD and if only having one child made DH more permissive..

I began thinking. How many of your DH were LEFT by BM..

My DH has a very troubled history with women.

My Dh mother left him when he was 8 years old, just up and moved to Florida and didnt tell him or his sibling she was leaving, the older siblings took care of him until social services found out and placed him with wonderful foster parents, where he remained until he graduated high school.

The first real girlfriend he had, they dated for 3 years in high school, broke up with him because he didnt want to be a preacher. So she left him for a man who did.

The second girlfriend he had broke up with him and began dating his brother, and eventually married and divorced that brother.

The first wife he had, he caught in bed with a woman, and he left her. They had no children together.

Then he met BM at work, was in process of getting divorced from 1st wife and he shared his story with BM. They went out a few times, split up, then wha la she calls and is pregnant. So he marries her.. When SD was a baby, a few months but I am not exactly sure of the age, BM left DH for a woman..

(If you are keeping track, yes thats two wives who left for women)..

Then he began dating the x girlfriend. She has told me she had MANY issues with SD and that most of them were the result of DH lack of parenting.

So I wonder, how many of you have a DH with a rocky past with women. Especially those of you with step daughters..
Could it be that DH is afraid to hurt the only female in his life that CANT leave him, so he wont parent her and will never see wrong in her just so she is the one female who will always be in his life???

This could explain alot I think..I am very interested to see what your DH's history are..

Smonster's picture

BM had an affair - she left him and the guy she had an affair with dumped her. DH didn't want a divorce- he still calls it THE divorce. Everything is before THE divorce or after THE divorce. They should just get back together, we'd all be happier. Geez I'm in a bad mood today.

soverysad's picture


stepof 1nitemare's picture

Only 3 answers and I see a pattern already.. I am interested to see more replies.. This could really explain alot for alot of us.

If the Broom Fits, Ride It!!!!!

belleboudeuse's picture

Interesting theory. BM kicked my DH out. From what he has told me of other relationships before that, it sounds pretty evenly mixed between him being the "breaker" and the "breakee" as far as who ended the relationship. I don't think he ever got blatantly cheated on.


You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Jbee27's picture

The BW cheated once with the guy she had a baby with and then she cheated with some dude in PA and then some dude in the next county. Both times she cheated after she had her BD, she "kidnapped" the kids (Tortoise and her BD).
So, finally FH had enough and filed for divorce. IDK why he didn't file when she had the baby. But anyway...she fucked him up in the head pretty good and now I get to deal with it! YAY!

FH was adopted by the IL's when he was one. He knows he was adopted.

And he told me that all his HS gf's broke up with him. So....yeah.
He's got a pattern of being left and cheated on.
But he needs to get his head out of his ass and realize I'm not going anywhere. DEET-DA-DEE!!!

Amazed's picture


stepmom008's picture

BF wasn't exactly a "ladies man". He's really only dated sparingly and only 2 serious relationships - me and Wilda. Ugh - that's the first time I've ever put her in the same sentence with myself. ***chills***

She cheated on him & was leaving anyway but he wouldn't have wanted her to stay - he was done dealing with her at that point anyway. He did make her be the one to file for divorce though. Maybe he was thinking far enough ahead for when SD asks & he can let her be the bad guy. I think that he doesn't really know how to deal with women so he placates everyone to "keep the peace". I'm sure I'm included in that but it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

TheWife's picture

Maybe he just didn't want to pay the cost to file the papers AND CS too..

LOL that was my husband's best friends reason for making her file...

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

stepmom008's picture

I don't think it was that - I think it was the fact that she made the choice to cheat so she was going to have to be the one to see it through because she takes no responsibility for anything. Her ending the marriage was one less thing for her to blame on him. Just like with the attorney threats right now. He won't file against her - she's going to have to be the one to file and make it look that much worse for herself & I completely agree with him on that.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Run-down-mommy's picture

My DH was never in a relationship with BM. He had too much to drink at a party and 4 months later got a call from BM (which he didn't really even know) letting him know that he was going to be a dad. He has always been the one to break off his old relationships. His mother never abandoned him (but was more a friend than a mother) He didn't believe in discipling SD either though.. Until I, the step-witch, walked in!

MarriedwithChild's picture

DH was commanded by the ex from tex to move out of HIS own home. (yeah) after she started favoring "carpet flavor" ( no offense)

IDK- I have had ZERO problem with him in bed- trust me.

I think the grazing ex just plotted to get preggo, kick my dh to curb, get c/s, keep home (even though it was his inheritance) and cruise date sites either looking for other "munchers" or some desperate middle aged man. (neither has yet happened.)

stepof 1nitemare's picture

Its interesting how many women leave husbands and destroy their children and jump sides to be lesbian.. WOnder if they knew all along they were lesbian and just wanted the kid.. You dont really hear of many married men leaving for another man, I mean I know it happens but not nearly as much as women leaving husbands for women..

If the Broom Fits, Ride It!!!!!

Catlover's picture

BM also cheated on DH with a coworker. He was still willing to "work on their marriage", but BM ended up walking out. She is now married to the guy she cheated with. Interestingly, DH had been dating a "very nice" girl when he met BM, and ended up leaving that girl for BM. He has mentioned to me that he feels a little karma came back to bite him, and he learned his lesson big time!

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

StepCHill's picture

My DBF only has dated the BM. They were high school sweethearts (ick) then he joined the military so they "had to get married." It's funny because alot of the new people inthe military are all married, and the people who ahve been in for 3-4 years are divorced. Its really shocking. I had never even heard of people getting married at 18 but in the military they are all married and pregnant before they are of age to even have a beer! Anyway, she left him and moved back to Mass (where they are from) then realized how good she had it with the free housing, healthcare, daycare, etc. So she moved back. Then he went to thearapy, read books, etc about how to be a "better husband." Did she change?? NOPE. she still went out drinking/partying EVERY night. I'm not exaggerating. Leaving DBF at home with their son. Her excuse... "well I have to watch him all day while you are at work!!" Excuse me?? I'm sorry he had a job and worked his ass off on Jets outside in negative weather with wind blowing at 20 mph! Anyway, he left her the 2nd time b/c he realized that she was worthless and never going to change. When we met, I had just gone through a really bad breakup about 6 months earlier and he had JUST left her. Literally, a week after he left her we met. We were friends for a few months and that developed into a relationship in turned into love. So in conclusion, I guess she left him first. Then he realized how icky she was and left her.

jenjen's picture


My DH...

Had 2 children with a woman (never married) when he was 18. She took off and left with the kids and he has had a heck of a time even knowing where they are.

Then, married another woman and had 2 kids with her. She cheated and he kicked her out of the house.

I think it is quite possible that in my situation my DH is terrified that his EX will do what the original did, up and leave. Although, the BM of the 2 little ones would more likely leave, but leave the kids with him. But anyway, he is always taking the kids whenever she asks, never complains, walks on eggshells to not piss her off...which in turn pisses me off.

Denial's picture

BM decided she didn't want to be married anymore. She had 2 sons with 2 different fathers and "the commitment was overwhelming" for her.

My DH left the house because he didn't want to pull his son from the only home he'd ever know. He wasn't even moved out a week when "SlutFest 2001" started.

He now wishes he would have thrown her out or taken the boy with him.

I'm seeing a pattern as well - these BM's seem to be the ones that ended everything - and now they want it back because they are miserable, lonely hags.

StepCHill's picture

Hahah!! We have "SlutFest2009" going on up here! LMAO

TheWife's picture

BM left DH, and they had flings back and forth sporadically between significant others. It is important that I mention that by flings I mean mostly casual sex, and not a real relationship.

DH and BM were in the middle of one of those casual flings when he met me, stopped messing with her cold turkey, and never looked back since.

No wonder she hated my guts. I was the only girl who was able to successfully tear him away permanently. Take that! LOL.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

annoyed's picture

Wow this one struck me....My DH had flings like that back n forth for a little while.. He swears it ended awhile before me??? That is why I strongly feel he should not ever go to the state they live in and visit the kids without me....Hello I am not dumb.... I sometimes wonder bc she hated me soooo much and made our lives miserable by harrassing calls from her mother in the middle of the day and middle of the night telling me I took him away from BM and the kids and I am a terrible person. Hello BM needs to catch a clue they divorced 2 years before I met him and the almost 10 years they were married they only lived together off and on for a total of 3 years. I know she hates me since he had a reversal to have kids with me and when he had the vasectomy after they had SS she begged him to get it reversed for her to have another kid......

bearcub25's picture

Mine blows that theory. BM did kick BF out and moved in a guy she met online. But the reigning crown prince in our house is SS10.

He loves SD and thinks she is a little cutie, but she has too many of BMs features and qualities (talks constantly and talks for others) for him to put her on a pedestal.

stepmomto3's picture

BM2 is what I like to call his "rebound wife". His first ex cheated on him and totally destroyed him. He dropped down to 175lbs, couldn't eat. Thats ethiopian for him. Then "rebound" swooped in with her sugary-sweet game face and decided to skip a pill. He never even proposed to that psycho. She was in the mall with him, picked out a ring and that was it. Even after two black eyes, 16 shirts ripped off his body when he tried to get out of the house, and the abuse she inflicted on SS14, he stayed. He wanted to keep his family together. She cheated on him, but she was good at it and he never caught her. She even tried to abort SS7 when she found out she was pregnant with him!

and after all that, they separated, she started in on that sugary-sweet sh*t again and then he moved her up north with the intention of him moving too. Then he gets there and she says "where are you gonna stay?". She already had a live in boyfriend. She filed for divorce and left him with nothing but his clothes and his guns. She even took the lawnmower and his animals. We got his cat back finally about two years ago.

***I love you like a fat kid loves cake***

StepChicka's picture

OMG stepmomto3. What a beotch! In the end you got the prize for her stupidity. Ha!

stepmomto3's picture

Oh what a prize it is!!!

***I love you like a fat kid loves cake***

nycSM's picture


txstepmom32's picture

Well my DH was left by the "BM" for their next door neighbor. Then when things didn't go as she hoped or expected she committed suicide, leaving a disraught husband and 3 sons and a wake of trauma.

StepChicka's picture

uh what? Oh my that is so traumatic. How did the kids take this. DH? I hope he didn't blame himself. So aweful.

So I get you took on the whole bunch then. I commend your for that.

stepmomto3's picture

My uncle had a similar story. BM waited til his son was FIVE YEARS OLD to tell him he had a son.

She had 6 kids from all different fathers and was married to a guy she didn't have any kids with but he took care of them. She went and cheated with the next door neighbor. Neighbor left his wife and kids, she told her husband to get out. Then four months into the new relationship with the neighbor, she tried to kick him out and he shot himself to show how much he loved her. Shot himself in the stomach thinking he'd be ok and bled to death.

and guess what??? she lives in West VA!!!! LMAO!!!

***I love you like a fat kid loves cake***

lm2's picture

This may sound rude - but divorce or death the kids are dealing with a major loss - this way she cant come back. You can have the kids recall all the wonderful times they had with her but she will never pop up and put a wrench in the life you all are now building

StepChicka's picture

It would appear BM left but DH was the one who split first. He emotionally left the marriage giving BM no choice but to either stay with a shutdown man or leave to pursue something better. I personally think its sad. He broke her heart I'm sure of it.

I know so many men who handle break ups this way. They'd rather make a woman miserable then to say what you need to say. Such chickens.

Now I have the stupid John Mayer song in my head. Ugh

Coldandloved's picture

BM Left DH after 20 years, said she never loved him and just picked him because he was safe, also cheated... and yet I've heard from people they think he cheated, because, of course the man is always to blame.

Sus's picture

My FH, was married twice. He was drafted and went into the Military. As an officer, because he had a degree at the time.
When he finally came home. The night he arrived, she EXw1- wasn't home.(she was GF then ) He waited on his duffle bag on her porch. She pulled up at 3 am kissing some guy, in the car. He forgave her. They married after that and had two sons. When the boys were 3-5 he left, She was cheating. He never wanted to leave his sons. He met #2 during this time...separation.
#2 was a widow, but he had, had an affair with her when she was married...he was separated.. That lasted a while. He was in Love with her. But she didn't leave the husband. They broke up. About a year later her husband was killed in a accident.
FH then got back with, the second woman,making her " Ex#2" they married within 2 weeks.
He always loved her and felt they had a great marriage. Married 25 years. Although he realises now He worked too much. But he says the reason was she wanted to live the great life. He made a lot money & was a millionaire. He spoiled her & his sons. They built a home & the boys lived with him every weekend of their life. Then #2 wanted children, so they had "Ring Leader" and two more daughters.
EXWife #2, she had a history of cheating he said, She promised him it was over the cheating, once they married.
They lived like Angelina & Brad, Money was NO Object. But he worked hard to earn it & was never home.
He figured if he saved enough he could retire early and he could make up for the time. She became a Severe alcoholic, although her mother was one too. So were NOT sure "WHY" the drinking. Anyway, he put her through rehab several times. at 50,000 each..She never changed. Then he would come home & she'd be out in bar's with other men. Dancing, drinking, etc. Finally he had enough and walked away,he gave both wives homes worth 1/2 mill or more 860,00.. paid in full. All kids went to Universaties. Each wife collected over 7,000 a month +++++++ he gave & gave, because he had the money.
So he continues to work paying approx. 15,000 a month out.
He is a giver, a huge hearted man, nice looking, he has 2 Doctorate degree's right now , working on third.. extremely intelligent. But NOT smart where the women were concerned. I think he just wanted someone to truly LOVE HIM. Allow him to be himself. He is Kind, loving, caring, the sweetest man I've ever met in My life... he told me recently he dated a lot of women over the years. But had ONLY "TWO" been IN LOVE Twice, Truly in Love. I know EX#2 was one. He told me I am The other.
I am a reg person, a widow, I live a Normal life, Not like a movie star... I am also a giver, like him. We're so Much a like it's crazy. Only thing different is he is MALE LOL
He is working on his 5th retirement now December 2010, and his 3rd Doctorate degree.. Which he will Graduate with Highest Honors this May 2010.
I would like him to cut back, we don't have to live the lifestyle he's been used to all his life.
I know he is happier then he's ever been in life..he knows I genuinely Love him for himself and NO other reason. He told me. " You Demonstrate Your Love for me ". Even if he was penniless...Living a normal life instead of the rich & famous life..he always lived. I will always Love him...basicly he made BAD CHOICES where women were concerned. they USED HIM..but he allowed it..
He said, I am the best thing that ever happened to him in Life..,
Money, doesn't BUY True Happiness......True Love does !!!

namaste123's picture

Mine was. Let me give you an idea of how pathetic BM is.

Married at 18, supossedly to get out of her parents house.

Meets my current BF and leaves her husband for him (maybe around age 22???)

Has 2 kids with my BF. BF decideds he wants a better in job in another state, BM agrees and he goes to set up a life there for them.

A few months after he leaves (he still comes back to visit on weekends often), she tells him she wants a divorce. Why??? because she wants to date the neighbor (my BF's friend, mind you)

They divorce, she dates my BF's friend and gets engaged a few months ago.

Her new BF and her argue a bit, they break up, within 2 weeks she moves out of her BF's house and in with another male "friend" whom she calls a roomate, but really she is fucking.

Now she is comming out saying they are dating, and he pretty much takes care of the kids for her and she is a lazy bitch.

Can you say "CO-DEPENDANT"

utterly disgusting and pathetic. What kind of message is she giving to her kids about love and marriage. IMO- a devastating horrible one.

namaste123's picture

Thinking i shouldn't have been so safe and responsible, then I could have a child, have a man pay an ungodly amount of CS, while he has them every weekend, and always find a man who feels bad for me and will pay my bills, then I would never have to work, nor get up and get my kids ready for school, make them proper meals at a proper time ect.

oh, and don't forget that I could run up credit card bills, not pay them, file for Bankruptcy and not have to pay a dime back, AND get to go to school for free because the government gives free money to single moms to go back to school.

Man, I made a mistake, because I don't even use credit cards hardly, I pay to feed her kids every weekend because BF is always broke due to CS, and I will be $40,000+ in debt after I finish school

soverysad's picture

Wingnut is too lazy to even take advantage of our free gov't handouts. When her alimony ends and she is piss poor she'll will just whine and moan about how horrible dh is for not supporting the mother of his child.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

namaste123's picture

Truly pathetic and disgusting.

I am all for the government helping people, however... this should NOT mean that the person recieving the government's help should not be required to do work in return for the money unless they are truly incapacitated, our cities would be a lot cleaner and our deficit would be alot lower.

soverysad's picture


nycSM's picture


StepCHill's picture

That drives me SO crazy! BM gets CS (and a pretty decent ammount), govt gives her "daycare assistance" so she only pays like 50 bucks a month for daycare, food stamps, and low income housing. It is SUCH BS because she has never done a damn thing. Oh, and her school is paid for (she goes to fake TV school and will have a crap "certificate" which will get her a minimum wage job that she'll probably quit within a week.) She works 4 hours a day, 4 days a week and goes to school 3 hours a day. And get this, the only way she'd "let" DBF get an uncontested divorce, was if he kept his "promise" to help her get through school. SO we are paying her rent, she drives his car that he pays, uses his insurance, and she's still on his cell phone plan. I am too and she dosent like it when she gets a copy of the bill! hehe. Anyway, its absolutely rediculous. AND she is the most ungrateful bitch. SS3 is starting to act like her. He'll be playing in his room and all of a sudden burst into tears because his toy is across the room or something stupid like that. If he drinks all of his juice, instead of asking for more, he collapses on the floor and has a meltdown. Guess what BM does when she dosen't get her way?? Yup, burst into tears and start screaming and cursing. I know that it seems a little rediculous ,actually a LOT rediculous, but its easier than listening to her bitch. We make decent money anyway. Oh, and they went to the tax place togehter becaues they weren't sure how it worked since this was the first year they were filing seperatly, and we found out she's not claiming the extra grand we giver her a month ON TOP of child support, which would disqualify her from all the free crap she gets. GOD FORBID SHE WORKS A REAL JOB!

sadstepmom26's picture

My Dumbo left his EW. She cheated many times to the point where they had a dna test done on youngest child.

vgill's picture

Bm was caught cheating and Dh finally had enough, of years of her cheating on him, so he left and she told him to" take these fucking little bastards with you" and that's a quote! She slept with everything coming and going for years and the last 5 years she has settled down with one poor sucker, because he has a good job, a house, and 2 vehicles, and he is her meal ticket, I just wonder how many times she has cheated on him as for the 5 years Dh and she were married he said I don't think there was a single year she was faithful, and he said I was being too niave thinking that no one would do that to some one and hurt them that much, but when I walked in and the were f'ing on the couch,and she knew I was coming home. I had enough.

Bradybunchmom's picture

Fiance was abandoned by his mother when he wa slike 2. He rarely saw her growing up. high school girlfried was a cheater, next high school girlfriend took off to millitary school without telling him. Then BM who was also a high school girlfriend just up and left whenever she felt like it, then came back. Once he had concrete proof she was cheating the last time she disappeared he said no more and threw her butt out. Now he is with me and I can tell he has been affected by it, for example whenever he fights he says "then leave" and he was really worried when I had our baby that I would "go crazy and take off" afterwards like BM and his mom did.

He did not parent SD3 at all until I came into the picture and MADE him, and now he does on his own because he hates her "princess attitude" Sadly I think some damage has already been done as she has a major princess attitude and sense of entitlement. Hopefully we can get rid of that since she is only 3.

belleboudeuse's picture

HA! In our case, it's the reverse. BM kicked DH out and resisted all the attempts he made to reconcile for the kids' sake. But once DH and I got together, she started changing her story to imply that DH left her high and dry to fend for herself. I guess it's whichever version of the story makes her into the long-suffering heroine, eh?


You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

soxy's picture

My BF's ex had an affair with his friend, left my BF & the kids and they have been engaged 3years & still can't make a committment!
she admits she only cares for him not Love!

oceangirl3's picture

My boyfriends ex-wife up and left him when he was at work one day and took their daughter with her. At times I wonder if the story is really the truth. There had to be reasons for the relationship not working and surprisingly none of them are his fault. Odd!

lm2's picture

15 years of marriage and at least 7 affairs on part of the BM. He left a great paying job to try to make their marriage work. She kicked him out two months later. SD was 3 months old. BM's boyfriend moved in that same day. That was 4 years ago. We have been married for 3 years now, and BM is still in the routine of trying to return to my Husband whenever she finds herself without a man.

NaturallyMom's picture

I see there are few like DH here ...
BM left him for current lover, BF, or their DH but for awhile there, wanted to have her cake and eat it too.
And I quote, "Can't I still be married to you and just have him as my boyfriend?"
LOL!!! Stupid hag.

"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln

jojo68's picture

BM left my bf along with three children....2 were not biologically his...she did take the two non-biological of my bf after about a year and half with her.

Rags's picture

My XW left me for her geriatric Fortune 500 Executive Sugar Daddy after we had been married for 25mos.

We had no kids ..... thank God!

I learned a lot from my first marriage and going through the divorce.

Most importantly I learned that I will never again tolerate being someone that I don't like and I have commited to be the Rags I like being ever since.

I confirmed the phylosophy I developed during dating as a teen and young adult. A break up only hurts really bad for a few days. After day three it hurts less each day until eventually it is just a periodic unpleasant memory. This is "Rags 3 day rule" and like most laws of physics it is inviolable and holds absolutely true ...... at least for me.

I also learned that no matter how much I love someone and depend on them emotionally I do not need anyone to be happy. I can do happy pretty well all by myself. Sharing happy with someone I love makes it better but I am just fine geing happy with just me.

I can't see living my life in fear that my wife will leave me just because my XW and countless GFs did. I don't think anyone can dedicate themselves to a quality life and a quality marriage if they are afraid it could all end some day. Of course it WILL end some day..... one way or another.

I left my fair share of GFs and a couple of Fiances and I hope they did not pine away their lives just because I left.

I think everyone would benefit from keeping the following absolute fact in mind.

Half of all marriages end in divorce, the other half end in death.

Which way would you rather go? Biggrin

Best regards.

Dysphoria's picture

BM left. She felt like BF and child were holding her back from education and a career.

driven to tears's picture

My DH met his 1st wife at 14 yrs old .They had a son at 17 and a daughter at 21. He caught her cheating with his best friend a year later. I met him 5 years later and to my knowledge he only had one serious gf before me. It wasn't the first time but I know by his personality that he does have self-esteem issues and it is true that by putting his daughter on a pedestal he thinks she won't stop loving him. It is so sad and frustrating to see these men treating their daughters like substitute wives and the daughters end up thinking they are. I think this is the majority of 2nd marriage problems and breakups. Men have to be PARENTS TO THEIR DAUGHTERS! I stupidly thought that finding a "nice guy" this time (I was addicted to "bad boys", yeah, raise your hand!!) would solve my problems but when they don't have a spine and a pair they are just another kid to take care of! I left my first husband too.

they8ntmine's picture

BF got married the first time at 19ish, his 1st ex was prego with their first child when he got married. They then had 2 more kids. Not 100% sure 3rd daughter is his, she looks more like ex's current husbands family. Ex1 cheated on him, promised to never cheat again. Guess what she did.. Cheated again, and left him for his best male friend. He filed for divorce. He met wife 2 at some point and married her, had 2 kids. And she left him for a woman. She kicked him out and her and her GF set up a household with the kids. He filed for divorce cuz she didn't necessarily want divorce she just wanted cs. He doesn't see the first 3 kids because he gave up his rights after a hellish divorce and aftermath. She had a bogus restraining order to where he couldn't even see his grandparents because they lived on the same property as ex and kids. She also had him in court so much that the judge recognized them and would be like "what this time?" Lost jobs, no money he hated the kids being dragged to court so he did what he thought was best for them and gave them up to the new husband (his ex best friend). The kicker she stuck it to him one last time, she had him sign over his rights on his b-day. So with ex2 he gives in to easily cuz he doesn't wanna lose these kids too. And yes I know that was his choice..

they8ntmine's picture

Oh but to finish previous post, he wasn't left by His BM he was left by his BF. His childhood was weird though.. He went to 11 different highschools cuz BM and step-father moved a lot cuz SF was some sort of preacher. And BM is a little loopy. She's nice but loopy.. Lol

Sorry I lost train of thought earlier lol.. Add is horrible at times for me.. Look squrril

MamaBecky's picture

DH has a craptastic beast of a mother who dated men who abused her children and turned a blind eye to it....BM#1 was a girl that he met through a mutual friend through his "party" years. They never dated seriously, just a casual thing...she lied about being on the pill and ended up PG. There relationship quickly ended. She then lied to SD13 for the first 5 years of her life telling her that her current H was SD13's BioD. Then she showed up one xmas even morning with SD who was then 5 and said "hello, heres your kid now be a dad" and she had the nerve to tell SD that her dad didnt want her and requested she be aborted. She referred to him back then as her sperm donor. He was nothing but used and manipulated and this disregarded by this women. Through it all he maintained visitation with her from age 5 to age 9. From 9 to 11 it got to hard and he took a break. A long break of two years. He only saw SD a few times a year during that time. It took some time but two years ago I got him to finally resume visitation and things have been great for the last two years. His hatred for BM1 is really something that is hard for him to work through. After her his next relationship was a cpl years later..BM#2. They were together for 5 years before she got PG by taking fertility meds without his knowledge. She did it in a last ditch effort to save their failing relationship. It did not work. There relationship was over before SD was even born. Next came me so yeah....DH's female relationships up to this point have been rocky at best, full of tons of manipulation and power struggles. He is loving towards his daughters but he is not what I would call a great dad. It is a work in progress but even in five years he is totally different then he was when we first got together. Every year gets better and better instead of more and more miserable so I think that is the best sign that we are doing things right and heading in a good direction. I get alot of positive feedback also so I guess we are doing something right. I sure hope so.

wriggsy's picture

Wow...that's one heck of a theory..and it makes loads of sense. Not to say that it should be happening that way, but still!

My DH is HUGELY old fashioned. Did not believe in divorce. No one in his family had ever gotten divorced. Enter his exW. Their marriage was his first...her third. He had friends (who knew her before he did) tell him not to marry her. She cheated on him fairly consistently, but he refused to acknowledge it. She couldn't have kids, so they adopted their two children. (which is why I think DH lets his kids behave the way they do...they were abandoned by their REAL BM, then the AM-adopted mom-skips out on them, too!) She finally left him...moved 5 hours away to pursue a married man. He told me that she had to have been the one to leave as he would have never divorced her. We both came from cheating spouses and I think that was one of the reasons it took us over 10 years of being together before we finally walked down the aisle...because we both knew that we would never get divorced again.