You are here

Fully, crazy, disengaged. It's the strangest feeling...

Sparklelady's picture

Yesterday, I was telling my husband about some of the funny stories I have read on this site… And we were having a great laugh over them... This led to a brief mention of his ex-wife and her craziness, and when I was finished talking I realized this: I didn't have the shakes, my heart rate didn't go up, I didn't get cold inside, I just had a good laugh comparing her to the stories.

I thought to myself that it was a nice change, and maybe I really am finding the peace I need...

A few days before it was just me and my stepson in the house for a little while after school, and because I have sworn to myself that I will not discuss school etc. with him, I didn't have anything to say after "How was your day?" (His response, typical for 15-year-old boy, is always simply "good.") So, I just continued preparing dinner while he stood in the kitchen silently. Eventually, he started talking about the work he's doing on his racing bicycle - and funnily enough, I actually had to tell myself that I could respond with more than an "Uhhuh" or "is that right?" He was trying to engage me in a conversation LOL, and it was a topic that wasn't emotionally off-limits for me.

And, someone very kindly posted on one of my blogs about the difficulties I'm facing in the relationship with my stepdaughter, and I really appreciated the insight. There is much to be gained by asking for assistance from those who have been in our shoes... I appreciate the wisdom of others who want the best for other stepmoms and dads.

None of my "successes" have happened overnight; it has taken me two years from the time that I first understood the concept of disengaging and what I needed to do to be successful. From time to time I have seen a glimmer of my future after disengagement, but in this past week I have actually felt the difference in my world.

It's really beginning to feel quite wonderful.

Comments

Sparklelady's picture

Ohhhhh you have BPD mom too??! Please feel free to get in touch anytime! I completely get it.

And I puked a little in my mouth when you mentioned keeping possession of your stepson... I DO understand.

Sparklelady's picture

Pity and guilt are their greatest weapons. I had a BPD mother as well. I came out the other end okay because I did recognize the illness in my mother, and recognized that I had a choice - but my sister hasn't faired as well. She is ruled by the pity and the guilt.