Marraiges can be destroyed by infidelity, or in some rare instances, the infidelity can be the catalyst for greater change. But both parties need to want change and have a common goal. That’s my premise.
Infidelity is not always an affair, which is the first thing people think of when you say infidelity. And obviously recovery from an affair is much more difficult than what I have proposed.
So let me be more clear. There are all types of infidelities. A hobby, work, gambling, alcohol, drugs, and anything that takes that place in your heart that was once reserved for your significant other. You can have only one soul mate, and that’s the place in your heart you protect for them.
Emotional infidelity is difficult to understand because there is no sexual component. But it fulfills your needs outside your marriage and pushes your spouse out from your heart. This type of infidelity can rob your marriage of intimacy and connection.
Most of us dealing with skids have experienced this first hand. Some experience an awakening in their spouse and corrections can save the marriage. Some find a way to soldier through it using disengagement as a means of survival. But their marriage is not what they truly want.
As for me, I don’t want average and I don’t want to just survive my marriage. I want to thrive, grow, and be part of something that is amazing and beautiful. I want extraordinary and I am willing to do anything to achieve that. I don’t think anyone should settle for anything less.
Those that know my story know I have tried. But you can’t want more for someone than they want for themselves. Nobody should be made to feel less of a person because they didn’t simply roll over and act exactly as expected. People can grow together, but you cannot simply change someone.
In a marriage, your true self will eventually reveal itself because there will always be some issue that comes up. The issue is not the issue... It’s how you work on the issue that will determine how your marriage will grow or fail. If you put a problem between you and your spouse, it will divide you. If you look at it together, then you are literally on the same side.
But as adults we need to take responsibility for our role in every situation. Marriage is a series of issues that will require compromise. Disagreements are inevitable and can actually be healthy because they offer you a way to give unconditional love to your spouse. But this cannot be a one sided process. And you cannot measure love by what you get, only by what you give.
So, where does that leave us with this thought of emotional infidelity? If there is no room in your heart for your spouse, how can you give to them? You are giving that in your other relationship. If you cannot take responsibility for your actions, how can you truly be sorry for how you have hurt your spouse? You focus is on your other relationship. If you push your spouse away, how can you expect your marriage to survive? You have put your other relationship first and set your marriage aside
The short answer is your marriage is in peril and doing nothing is a sure way to see that marriage come to an end. The key is to know in your heart that you tried your best and grow from the experience. There is no right or wrong. Just choices people make because that is their true nature. And sometimes people’s natures don’t align and they require different things from their marriage.
Just my thoughts as I watch what was once a beautiful love story have the last chapter written as a tragedy rather than one of overcoming all odds.