NOW WHAT? WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?
EMAIL TO SS17: this is dad i was told you are wrting stuff about me on your Twitter not contacting you or calling you. first of all your mothers extact words were STAY THE FUCK AWAY NO WONDER WHY THEY DONT WANT YOU AROUND. So i thought thats how you guys felt. when i call/text before i would be ignored i cant force you to come visit.i really do miss you but everytime i think of contacting you i think of what your mother said. my number is still the same. and all of you have changed your numbers.i dont have your number. if u really want to be in contact with me you know you can call me
SS17: Aunt Becky has our numbers.......... If YOU really wanted to talk to us you would have tried already. I mean it's not really a big deal, you haven't been there at all so it's really no difference. And didn't mom said that a long time ago?
DH: like i said i didnt try to call because of what she said. why do you want contact if your just going to talk to me this way? yes it was about a year ago she put that on facebook and thats the last time i talk to you and your numbers were changed so i thoght thts what you guys wanted, for me to stay away. if its no big deal, why do you talk crap about me? why are you mad at me when your mother said stay away?
SS17: WHATEVER. You obviously are stuck are stuck in the past and don't care. I have a job interview today, I don't need this.. Bye...
DH: i am trying and you are pushing me away. maybe one day when your ready to talk we can face to face not on the computer but just remeber when you post your crap about me , you wanted it this wa
SS17: You made it this way Robert (dh's name)
DH: no matter what happen in the past i am still your father you have no respect for me.i am trying. is this why you want contact? to talk to me this way. i am not the one stuck in the pst i am trying to move forward things dont have to be this way. i contacted you because i thought you were reaching out and you were ready. of course people are going to tell me you are posting things about me thats why you do it. i dont get why you post FUCK MY DAD then post FUCKED UP MY DAD HASNT TRIED TO CONTACT ME, now you tell me its no big deal. do you even know what you want?
SS17: Bye
I sure most of that was coached by BM. I am sure we will get one more nasty email. She wont let it end with "bye"
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Comments
Wouldn't be surprised if the
Wouldn't be surprised if the BM was standing right there telling the SS exactly what to say.
I wouldn't be surprised if
I wouldn't be surprised if that WAS BM.
We had a similar experience.
We had a similar experience. When SS was 16, he (with BM's guidance) decided he didn't need DH in his life anymore. DH had little choice. He completely disengaged (although he did continue to pay CS).
There was about a year and a half of silence - no visitation, no emails, no phone calls, no texts. Nothing. And it tore my DH's heart apart.
Then just before SS turned 18, he called DH and asked if he could come and visit. SS was starting to have a rough time with BM and he wanted to know the truth about everything that ever happened between BM and DH (I have an old blog on this if you're interested).
That started the beginning of a new relationship between SS and BM. It hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns, but now SS has the freedom to love DH without BM making him feel bad for it.
My SS is 20 now, and he came up to visit us last week to see how DH is recovering from surgery. He brought his new GF and we all went out to dinner together. Then just the other day he sent a text to DH telling him "I'm glad you're my dad".
At some point, you just have to throw your hands in the air and say I've tried the best I can. And then hope and pray for another chance someday.
That is exactly what I told
That is exactly what I told DH maybe one day when he is out of BM's home and he is mature enough to thing for himself things can change.
What the kid wants is a
What the kid wants is a parent who is available when he wants. His father is supposed to know this. His father is supposed to find other ways to contact his kids despite them playing Hide and Seek.
Instead of defending himself and saying "I did just what your mother wanted.." when his son wants him to take ownership if the lack of communication he could respond with "Your mother didn't want me contacting you. As you didn't try and contact me yourself I thought I would give you the space you wanted. I will not play Hide and Seek with my kids. I will not chase you around town trying to find you. Now we have each others numbers lets start again. How about lunch and let's have a relationship between us without anyone else interferring." He cast blame onto his ex/sons mother which makes it painfully clear his ex still holds all the cards and calls the shots.
He can attempt to reclaim a relationship with his son. Maybe ask how the interview went. if his son says something like "Like you care!" ... i wouldn't bother asking if I didn't care... would be the appropriate response to slam it right back at him.
WOW, this is exactly SD17's
WOW, this is exactly SD17's attitude is. She won't respond to any contact of any kind, but then says "well, if you wanted to see me, you would have"... huh?
Stay strong, believe you are good people, and hopefully the little jerk grows up to be a human being in spite of his BM
So funny...it seems just one
So funny...it seems just one after the other...same story over and over again. Whatever. Ah, I imagine this crap might happen some day. I don't care anymore. DH? I am sure he is hurt, but honestly, you can only put up with so much crap. We have been through this before. DH calling, BM lying and saying SKID wasn't home, 2 seconds later she posted "f3454Ck you dad", yes, I still have copies of that, just in case SHE too tries to deny the crap...
At the end, it's better to move on. If they can't let go and they are stupid enough to just believe everything their mother told them, there is truly no reason to chase their ass. I am sure it hurts these men, I can't imagine...but then again, I KNOW my son won't be treating his father like an ahole ever...or me.