Seeing the Light
So this will come as a surprise to probably zero of you but here we are.
My therapist told me I was depressed and suggested I get my meds adjusted. So after a month of weird side effects, feeling great,feeling miserable, feeling like a zombie etc. I realized the depression is coming from my situation and no amount of meds is going to fix this.
Instead of overmedicating I'm planning to move out. I've been looking up ways to deal with the mortgage, making scenarios about what to do with the house, that's the biggest one. BF loves the house and he can have it.
We had a couple Saturdays together this month and while we had good times together, it felt more like meeting up with an old friend than our usual dates. We've grown so far apart this past year.
Anyway, I told him I was going to see a psychologist and he was like "I don't know why. You're normal."
He took me to see the psychologist anyway (supportive I guess) and when I tried discussing it with him afterwards he was being weird about it and dismissing what I was saying and saying stuff like. "I think you just want something to be wrong with you." or "you're fine, you just think something's wrong with you because that's what people told you when you were younger."
The psychologist gave me a form for him to fill out as well as my mother, and when I went back for my results my bf had rated me completely average on everything. The psychologist was confused because her observations, my own surveys, and the info my mother provided all indicated a high level of (the disorder I assumed I have) and she was like why do you think your bf answered like this? I was also confused since things he has said to me was one of the reasons I went to see the psychologist initially.
The psychologist kind of shrugged it off and said she still had enough info to diagnose me. I asked my bf afterward and he was like "did she think I lied on the questionnaire? The statements were just generic and apply to everyone. There's nothing different about you." so maybe it's been a year and he hasn't been paying that much attention to me. The psychologist said I also have developed very strong coping mechanisms.
On the drive home I told him about my results and he tried to dispute all of them and we haven't been able to discuss them since. I'm going to see my therapist this week to talk aboSorut them. Finally I feel validated and the one person that should be helping me with the next steps is in complete denial about all of it.
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Comments
Good on you to realize the
Good on you to realize meds were not the answer for you. While they help and are invaluable in many circumstances, it's not always the case. After my very violent breakup with psycho exh, I took depression meds. Believe me, I was depressed for a lot of reasons, with severe anxiety on top of that. About a month after the divorce was finally, I realized that my prescription bottle was almost full. I'd been forgetting to take them because the biggest source of my depression was behind me. The rest was manageable without meds.
Wishing you all the best! *give_rose*
I have MDD and have been
I have MDD and have been medicated for the better part of my life, but lately I was staying up til 3am gaming and chatting with a friend and felt happiness that I couldn't possibly experience if I was going through a depressive episode. Then I realized that I haven't experienced those feelings of joy with my BF lately, and that's when it clicked.
I realized the depression is
I realized the depression is coming from my situation and no amount of meds is going to fix this.
I'm glad that you have realized this, so many people are just willing to stay on meds instead of trying to fix the situation that is causing the depression. Clinical depression is one thing, situational is another.
So, now you have confirmation that he is not your support system, he is not in your corner, you cannot depend on him. He doesn't even see (or doesn't want to admit) that you are depressed. He certainly doesn't want to see that he is part of the problem. Which means, nothing will change unless YOU change something.
It sounds like you realize that this relationship has run it's course.
He knows I have depression
He knows I have depression and social anxiety so the idea that the psychologist would find another disorder isn't that farfetched and his reaction to the whole thing was just bizarre. He's very social and family oriented so he has a hard time supporting me with my anxiety, and so the only option is for me to stay home and miss out. He was more supportive earlier in our relationship but now I feel like he's just tired of it and honestly I can't blame him.
Is it possible your boyfriend
Is it possible your boyfriend is trying to minimize your depression because he knows if you work on yourself and start feeling better and doing better you will realize he is a huge part of your problems? Most dysfunctional people don't like it when their partner starts to better themselves. They want them to stay mired down in the dysfunction with them.
I'm not sure. He's
I'm not sure. He's acknowledged that I've done a lot of self-improvements since we got together. I don't think he's that cynical. I think it's more that he's tired of dealing with my baggage and doesn't want another thing to add to the list.
my ex would purposively tell
my ex would purposively tell me that x wasn't wrong with and I was making something out of nothing, that it was all about me - even when I was diagnosed with pre elampsia and PND. He did this as he didn't want to have to support me, do the leg work and have to consider my needs that comes with medical problems. He is one of the most selfish and toxic person I have met and his gaslighting was extreme. Sounds like this may be happening to you or at least its something to consider he is doing.
I'm sorry that you went
I'm sorry that you went through that. I'm not sure why he wasn't supportive this time, as he has been very supportive in the past.
Situational depression...hello my old friend
for years when I was married to the Village Idiot..I was depressed. I even managed to get Post Partum Psychosis after my first born. That was fun. I spent the majority of my 30's depressed and on meds. I was even on meds when pregnant with my second child. It was that bad. After I finally left the VI..and got his crazy under control with the help of the police and judicial system...I found I was not depressed. Anxious yes...that b*tch follows me everywhere (I have some severe anxiety issues)..but I wasn't depressed.
My depression was ALL situational and or hormonal...and once I cut the 250 monster out of my life..poof it was gone. Now if I could just give anxiety the boot that would be great.
14 years now...and still no depression....hmm....it definately was the VI.