No one cares about SS
Hello I am new here and I need some help or just someone to listen and give support or understanding. I have a stepson and at times I feel like I am the only one who cares and it is so fusterating. DH pretty much only talks to him if he has too, otherwise he just lets him do whatever he wants, so he ends up playing video games and watching TV all day long, and when he visits BM she sleeps all day or is on the computer (she does not have a job), so she lets him do whatever he wants too (this is what he tells me). I feel like I am the only one who gives him structure. I make sure he reads, does his chores and I take him to go do things on my days off. What is wrong with Bio-parents? Does any one else have this problem and how do you get the bio-parents to play a part in their childs lives? of course I do not mind helping but I have my own child too to raise.
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I agree with the comments provided...
I would also ask myself, why does my DH not have any interest in his own child. That would make me question his integrity and his loyalty more than if he favoured his children over me. Big concern...not just about what it will be like for you to raise this child without bio support and interest, but how can someone seemingly turn his back on someone he is supposed to love so easily.
Well said
Vickie, I agree 100%.
~Evil
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
Here, here!
There is only so much you can do without help from your significant other. When he comes home you want to almost flip a switch that says, "okay, I'm still here but you are the primary parent now". And you should. I fell into that. My husband worked, I stayed home with my SD's. When he walked through the door, I would mentally shut down a bit because he was home to "take over". Boy was I stupid! I realized that he is at work all day and he may need to unwind a bit. But you know what? Unwind on the drive home, cuz these are his freakin kids, not the SM's. We commit ourselves to the kids because we commit ourselves to our husbands. But don't let him take advantage of your kindness and affection of his son. Trust me you end up resenting him and the SK. Certainly set boundaries.
I'll buy that advice.
We never talked about it at all, but somehow DH and I both always had the mindset that his kids are ultimately his responsibility. He can ask for my help and has a right to expect that I'll back him up, but we share the workload 50/50 for all five kids alike. Over time, we've each found our niche in each child's life and in the household. That's one thing that I can say he never did, expect me to do all the work. I don't think he does enough with the skids, but I think there are some extenuating circumstances (PTSD) that are kind of helping to put up some walls that wouldn't otherwise be there with them. So I have been picking up the slack a little in the communication department for him, but as he makes progress in his treatment program, I see him getting back on track with the skids. There's gotta be give and take. No dumping allowed.
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
Thank You
Sorry I have been not on for a while, been dealing with the wonderful step-parent issues. but thank you all for the wonderful advice it is much apperciated.