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DH has an epiphany

Shieldmaiden's picture

Dh had an epiphany after his daughter, 21, sent his crazy tempered sister after him via group text. He said he had chest pains and felt like he didn't care if he died, then a wierd sensation overtook him. He said he realized he had been too afraid to piss off his daughters, so he hadn't stood up to them like he should have. He decided to rewrite his rulebook about his kids. 

He called SD16 and told her she was wrong. She tried to argue and he told her he was the adult so he didn't need to explain himself to her. She called him a hypocrite, and he told her "No! You will not speak to me that way!" She tried to meddle in my estranged relationship with her sister 21, and he told her "that is not your business." When she said that I should apologize to SD21 and allow her into my home, because I was wrong to be upset with her spreading lies about me, he told her "No. She is an adult and you don't get to tell her what  to do. You are a child and this is not a democracy!" He told everyone that if they didn't treat us and eachother with respect in our home, he would escort them out of our home.

Oh my goodness! I have my husband back! All it took was a near death experience to make him see how awful things have been. We are both sick with the flu, so we are home sick together. I feel closer to him now than I ever have. I told him I was so proud of him for how he handled this. 

I have waited so long for this. His youngest SD is the worst right now. She is still convinced she is right. Oldest SD is still spreading lies about us, and his sister won't speak to him or me. 


Rags's picture

Stay the course and tolerate no deviations form the new norm and expectations of the behaviors of others.

What a great holiday gift!!!!!

Stepdrama2020's picture

This is great news.

Once you feel like your DH has your back your energy will shift towards positivity.!


Ispofacto's picture

A Thanksgiving miracle!

I'm sorry he had chest pains and I'm glad he's okay.  I hope he remembers this.  What a relief you must feel.

So, you didn't end up hosting TG?


Shieldmaiden's picture

No. Just my dad came over. Everyone else cancelled.

Shieldmaiden's picture

No. Just my dad came over. Everyone else cancelled.

Survivingstephell's picture

Yes! Stay the course because winter is coming. Boundaries will be challenged like never before.  He did use the right words though. I am the adult and you are the child.  None if your business.  That's her responsibility.  Where did he learn those from?   LOL.  Has he been listening to you after all?  There's your miracle!   I hope this sticks.  

Yesterdays's picture

I am so glad he stood up for you and himself. He said what needed to be said. My husband got to this point too. The enough is enough. My husband got to a point where he was tired of always being the bad guy despite having tried so hard with them while they treated him like crap. All of the things he told her on the phone are true and all had to be said. Stay strong now. I'm so happy he said all of that. 

thinkthrice's picture

Chef and I are also battling the persistent cough.   We had televisits yesterday and I was in the better position to pick up the meds (either that or men just don't deal with illnesses that well LOL)

Glad to hear  your DH is coming to his senses!  Why oh why does it take a health scare to abandon the "don't rock the boat/ostrich/laissez faire" policy with viscious, drama queen BM and skids?   Beware the backsliding though. 

Shieldmaiden's picture

Thanks. I just found out I had covid.Feeling better now, and happy that the skids can't come over. 

Rags's picture

I tested positive Christmas day last year.  Mine was notably minor. My DW had her COVID experience a few weeks ago. She tested negative a week ago today.  She was much more sick than I was when I had it.

Feel better and get some rest. The exhaustion was one of the more durable symptoms for both my DW and I during and for a week or so after COVID.

Take care of you.  Keeping the drama and stress to a minimum is imporant. Leverage that to distance the Skids.

After all, you do not want to give them COVID.


shamds's picture

I remember when my husband made the bs pathetic excuses ss dished out. Eventually one day hubby was real sick with a virus and he messages his son who was at uni how sick he was

know ss's reply? It wasn't "oh whats wrong dad, i hope you feel better," nope it was a screenshot of his bank balance near 0 with message "can you top up the money in my bank acct"

my husband felt like a knife stabbed him in the heart. We also recently had an argument where I didn't feel supported by him emotionally, physically etc and hubby knew he'd stuffed up with me and ss had to show his colours then of not give a crap

when hubby told me what happened and how upset and hurt he was, i told him this had been yrs in the making and hubby just wanted to be ignorant

Yesterdays's picture

The message behind the actions.. Think of it this way. She's not allowed over because of her actions. It she works to rectify the actions and correct the behavior then she is allowed over. Her not coming over is simply a boudary, enforced that you don't accept that behavior at your house. Not to say she is never allowed over again. But you need to work on things. Not sweep them under the rug. 

Shieldmaiden's picture

When Dh asked "If sd21 corrects her actions and apologize s, can she come over again? "  I said " It was an option right up until she started telling lies about me to manipulate all of you. Now, I never want to see her face again. I don't trust her, and I am done."  He seemed to accept this. 

Rags's picture

This is akin to a kid replying to be called out for not being trustworthy due to a long history of lies. "But I' not lying this time!"

I am happy for you that DH may be starting to gain clarity on his toxic spawn.

A single incident of appropriate behavior does not erase countless prior violations.  IMHO, when a toxic person has proven themselves toxic, it takes years of zero toxicity from them to earn the benefit of a single oubt.  

Stand your ground, keep DH fully immersed in the looooooonnnnnnnggggg history of the toxicity his failed parenting has exposed you to.

Good luck.