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I don't want her to have ammunition

CinderellaSucks's picture

Hi everybody this is going to be long, please bear with me,

This is my first time to post here but let me tell you, this website has helped me through some rough patches when my stepdaughter lived with us. My DH and I have a BK together, and he has one daughter (she is 20 now) from a previous marriage.

Here's a brief history:

When SD was 13, there was an incident. This was the only time I had a talk with her on how she treats my BK. During that time, SD and her youngest sister was staying with us because their BM dumped them on us when she went to school, SD kept pushing her youngest sister to DH (her youngest sister is her BM's daughter w/ another man) while my little one was just at the corner looking at them. BK is my DH and my biological kid together, and as a Mom, I cannot bear it that my own kid was being left in the corner while the master manipulator was trying to get her youngest sister close to DH! So I talked to her in a normal tone of voice and just asked her to please not push her half-sibling away (my BK). You know what happened? She went crying to DH and I don't know what sh#$ she fed her father but my DH was livid with me and told me that his daughter was no. 1 and I dare not hurt her! To make the long story short, this showed that manipulating piece of dung that she had power over her father. I had a strong feeling that she totally twisted whatever I told her. From then on, I was standing on a minefield around her. And that was also when she told her father, she won't see him anymore, he has to be the one to come visit her. But then, when we moved to a better area, guess who came with her youngest sister in tow? From then on, she campaigned to make her stay with us permanent, she even had the nerve to ask if her damn sister could also stay. I said "NO WAY!" It took her another two years to move in and that was only because she LIED about why she was getting Bs in a couple of her subjects plus she got into a fight over some boy with a former friend!

So she moved in when she was 17, after I tried my best to talk my DH out of it. He was like "She needs the best education blah blah." I knew that when she moved in, she would be a pain in the butt. My DH too wasn't around when she first moved in because his job took him out of the country. So I have to deal with her shit! The first few weeks, she sneaked out at midnight to "help" her friend. I called her BM to tell her what her darling daughter did. She pulled a lot of shit when she was with us but the worst part was, she almost cost her father, his job. She got into trouble with some married guy whose wife used to be her friend (familiar pattern w/ her). But generally, she is not a bad kid (she don't do drugs, she just drinks; she also did her own laundry but she didn't clean her room while she was here nor the bathroom she used), but she is a master manipulator and a skilled liar. She appears nice and sweet to you but when you're back's turned, she tells all kind of stuff to DH (her father). When she was with us, she had it made. I did everything I could to help DH out with her. I drove her around when she needed transportation, she borrowed my car when she got her driver's license, sometimes even to the point where my BioKid and I had to walk to an appointment, when DH learned this, he scolded her. The day did come when her father discovered other shit she did that brought down on him that his no. 1 was a liar. She also had been telling a lot of nasty things to her father about me when he was out of the country. I never did anything to hurt or harm her. I used to make her lunch for school, drove her to the damn bus stop eventhough it was only a 5 minute walk, I bought stuff for her that she tells me at the last minute. It's a really long list of horror that at some point I just pray for a thicker skin and of course, I "disengaged." I stayed out of her drama and DH had to deal with them. A lot.

DH has had enough of her lies and all the stress she has brought in our home, so he finally kicked her out. She was having an affair with her friend's husband who was wanted by the police, and SD was listed as a person of interest. She got found out because of her own self, she got scared so she told my DH about what was really going on. Then, the wonderful day arrived when she finally moved out of the house. But, a few weeks later, she started asking again to come back! :jawdrop: Kudos to DH, he told her, if you want to come back here, you can find your own place. He also told her he cannot tolerate somebody that has disrespected him and his family.

Before she left, she was telling my DH that I do not like her. DH told her to stop it. I was so happy when she finally moved out and went back to her arrogant BM. I want her to leave my family alone because she almost wrecked my marriage with her lies and manipulations. Where did she get the nerve to do that shit?

But now, we come to why I'm posting here. Despite being told by her father she can't come here, and even her BM at one point, she went ahead and bought herself a ticket. DH told her he cannot stay with us, so she's staying at her friend's house which is not that far from our house. She's here for a couple of weeks only, thank GOD for that! But the irritating thing now is, she dropped by without calling me, she even had the nerve to ask me what our password is, and she still has the keys to our house (but I changed the locks LOL). I told her that she doesn't need to come by at all, to just have the vacation she wants. Then, she texted me back to say she left stuff she wants to get. I told her, list them down and I will send them to you. She said she needed this one dress for this trip (she hated this dress and when DH asked if she wanted to take it before, she was like "I don't care what you do with it"). I know this is bullmanure, so I told her, that dress is gone! She has not texted back.

The thing is, now, I have to watch first if she might be lurking around our subdivision or might lay in wait for me. Making me totally stressed out, paranoid and just plain scared! One of my friends told me to never let her get in the house. So now, I am doing my best to avoid her while she's here in town. I just pray to God, she'll not come around at all (DH is out of the country, too). I would like to know if she has a right to come in our house when we're not home? She tried doing that when she dropped by, she was going to go in but she didn't know the password. I sincerely hope she does not make an issue of this and I dearly wish DH will not believe her anymore.

twopines's picture

She does not have the right to come into your home even if you and DH are there, much less when you are not.

novemberm's picture

The minute you see her on your property unannounced, call the police and get a restraining order.

My boyfriend's daughter is a lot like your SD, and she is also determined to move in with us, and for 2 months, she was on a mission to get me out and get her nasty self in. I only moved in with him after he promised to never let his 3 young adult kids move in here. His daughter is 22, and she disgusts, repulses and scares me. I sent her an email last month and said she is to call before she comes here. And I told my bf neither she nor her brothers are going to hang out here for days and hours at a time (I have many reasons for this). If his daughter does not call and shows up here again in a rage, I will be at the police station in a heartbeat.

I think your DH will support you if you have to file a report with the police. Do you have an alarm? How about video cameras? We just installed them in the front and back, it was not really expensive-they are pretty basic ones, but they have decent video. The reason we have them is because of the BM and the kids-that is sad and sick, but at least my bf is aware. And I am glad your DH woke up!!!!!!!!