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Updates - I wish they would suck up to me like they do to BM

SeeYouNever's picture

My told my DH to work things out with his family and if they want to make plans with me then they need to talk to me. Right after that my SIL reached out, she still hasn't planned anything. She just told me she has been talking to BM and "I get to get SD for the weekend" and she wants the whole family to meet up at the beach or a park for her birthday (SIL's). 

Well without clear dates and times I'm going to plan fun stuff for my kids and not wait around to be told when to show up with my kids for my SILs birthday photo op. Knowing their lazy butts they won't make it to the beach until after noon when it's sweltering hot. It's projected to be in the 90s and humid all week. 

In other news my DH usually gives me a play by play of his entire conversations with BM after they happen. I appreciate the full disclosure but I don't need to hear everything he said and her reactions especially when he says she laughs or gives him compliments about what he does with SD. Yesterday I had to tell him to shut up I don't really want to hear about it. His account was probably exaggerated towards positivity but even if it isn't it's like why do you think I want to hear about this? It was almost like he was bragging about gaining BM's approval. I guess if for years somebody tells you that you're a horrible husband and father when they compliment you it would make you happy? It was also very interesting timing because she knows he would not be able to see SD this upcoming weekend when she's with SIL but apparently BM was giving him tons of praise about how he's a great father.

I don't trust BM and honestly I think it was probably a manipulation because in the next breath she said that she had to get SD a new phone and I think she was angling for him to help her pay for it. DH denied that and went on to being on cloud nine from receiving praise from BM. Bleh. 



Stepdrama2020's picture

Sounds like your DH is a happy and proud lil boy cause mean mommy aka BM praised him.

These step dynamics are fascinating and ridiculous at the same time.

You would think he shouldnt give a flying fluck about what BM says, but these dynamics are hard to break.


MissK03's picture

I can so relate to this..  When things were "cool" with BM my SO would do the same stuff.

I have one specific memory burned in my brain of SO and I driving and this happening... He was telling a story about how he text BM "can you do me a solid?" And he said it with a smirk and giggle.. he then says how she responded "sure I'm getting a pedicure now.." some other stuff I don't remember but those are the two lines I remember. I don't remember what it was about .. this was like 6 years ago.

My SO was very naive to anything BM related. Like dude do you think I want to hear about you basically flirting with your ex wife.. someone you told you loved, married, had kids with etc.. like no. STFU haha.

Let me start texting my exs about funny stuff.. bet you wouldn't like it then. 

I agree it's an ego boost for some of them when BM praises them.. they tell the wrong audience though.. and honestly.. they shouldn't even view it as that. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Exactly, you get it. 

I remember DH and I were shopping at the mall for clothes for SD for Christmas and needed SDs size. We were actually having a fun time shopping together and then instead of texting SD or BM he decided to call BM. Then us shopping together was suddenly DH shopping with BM on the phone. He started describing the clothes and said one was "like you used to wear" with a smile and a laugh. 

Our toddler was running around and I let them run right out of the store. 

There are so many of these moments. 

MissK03's picture

That's extremely inappropriate behavior (IMO) from your DH. I would have a conversation with him about this if you haven't already.

Calling and describing "like you used to wear." Yeah no. That almost sounds like he trying to make you jealous. 

My situation has changed dramatically since those days of SO bending over backwards for BM. He has admitted that his relationship with her was inappropriate. Still some things here and there that bother me though. 

Not so much SOs actions it's just more of who BM is as person (or lack of) that I can't stand. 

SeeYouNever's picture

These things have happened in the last few years, they don't have the active conflict anymore. My DH is a talker and an over sharer in general and I think he's happy he can treat BM like an old friend or something now. He is so happy after a "friendly" parenting chat with BM. It seems so disingenuous because BM undermines him whenever she can, usually the Friendly chats are only friendly because she's about to get something she wants like money, gifts for SD or travel paperwork. He thinks she's turned a corner, I think he's too dumb to realize he's being manipulated.

We have talked about it and usually these days it's just when I snap. It's not just about BM he wants to talk talk talk and never listen. If he's going to blab on about something at least make it interesting to me.

MissK03's picture

Even if he is an over talker he should recognize differences when it comes to situations with BM IMO. 

thinkthrice's picture

Practice changing the subject.   Be able to segue into anything!  

DH: "And BM said blah blah..."

SM: "Speaking of biomoms, I saw an interesting documentary on cowbirds this week."

Thumper's picture

 Right after that my SIL reached out, she still hasn't planned anything. She just told me she has been talking to BM and "I get to get SD for the weekend" and she wants the whole family to meet up at the beach or a park for her birthday (SIL's). 



She is one of thoseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 

For sure I would have plans for that weekend :)