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Let's just do the opposite of what I want

SeeYouNever's picture

Well SIL got SD12 this weekend for a family birthday party, with last minute notice. We were out of town seeing my parents which we had planned for over a month. On the drive home my husband felt guilty and wanted to see SD since SIL had been guilting him about not being around this weekend. (Oh so we should leave our schedules open for your whims?) So we dropped by the house to see them after driving 6 hours. 

SD is very rude to DH, he asked her why she won't respond to him or agree to see him and she spits "IM BUSY" then leaves the room. She kept trying to get his attention then rejecting him when he spoke to her. It was like she was playing hard to get with a boy her age.

Anyway my daughter cried when she held her so she dropped her like a hot potato. She was upset with everyone, I think she picked up on my mood. There were 20+ people in the house and I was not comfortable at a potential super spreader event...

We leave and SD pouts that we are leaving already even though she had been making a big deal of ignoring us and BM was crazy texting her to come home too. SIL delivered her home.

DH attempted to call SD before she was dropped off but she refused to answer. He called SIL who was in the SAME CAR and talked to her. SD wouldn't speak to him but SIL said she wanted to come to our house next weekend for my daughter's birthday.  I have told my husband repeatedly I don't want to do a party this year because of Covid and me being pregnant. He agrees...

So next weekend he thinks only SIL and SD will come, but the whole damn family is going to show up because that's how they are, they will trash my house, use gallons of shampoo, overstay their welcome, kiss my baby on the mouth and SD will be there playing games to get DHs attention so she can reject him while pretending to be here for her sister. He just gave a brstty attention hungry game playing SD12 center stage at my daughter's first birthday. 

WTF. Is 5 days enough to get divorced?


shellpell's picture

Can you leave? Can you and baby go to a hotel for a birthday weekend for her and leave the heathens to themselves?

SeeYouNever's picture

I could probably leave but it would be huge drama if I leave with the baby. It actually crossed my mind to just leave but that's MY daughter's birthday and dammit I don't get to have any say in it.

Winterglow's picture

Tell him that he has to tell them, all of them, that the event is cancelled because you both decided it would be safer for all and that there will be NO DISCUSSION about it. If he balks, ask him how 6 months of celibacy sounds... 

SeeYouNever's picture

Well he's in the military so 6 months of celibacy isn't much of a threat, it's a reality and happening next year regardless of what he does. I could threaten to start the celibacy early!

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

So celibacy until after his next deployment then.  SOunds like a good motivator to me.

SeeYouNever's picture

They all have to take a shower right before going home. They only live 2 hrs away which to me is not far enough to even justify sleeping over as often as they do. 


tog redux's picture

Good Lord. Why is he playing games with this child and groveling for her attention? He needs to act like a father, not a boy who wants to date her. 

Winterglow's picture

Tell him that the event is CANCELLED. No way should you be hosting and certainly not having group sleepovers! 

notarelative's picture

...there's early, asymptomatic silent spread," Birx said.

"It's happening in homes and social occasions and people gathering and taking their masks off."

Dr Brix (coronavirus task force) spoke out last week about family parties and Covid spread. Find some of the articles about this and have DH read them. 

Then have him read Tony Green's story.

SeeYouNever's picture

He is well aware. He just caves to his family's guilt trips and then tells me he needs me to keep him on track. So I have to be the bad guy to his family because he can't stand up to them.

I feel horrible for our daycare providers. They are wonderful and I feel like going to that gathering yesterday was a betrayal to them. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

"DH, NO birthday party for DD. Your family shows up, including SIL and SD, and I'll leave with the baby. I don't want to be exposed this close to giving birth and potentially being sick while in labor. Plus, if you or DD get sick, you can't be at the hospital with me. So, no party. I don't like it either. However, I'm not excluding my family and friends while letting yours participate. The answer is NO."

Then stick to it. If leaving causes drama, that is your DH's fault, not yours. Under normal circumstances, I'd likely advise differently. However, there is a pandemic and it's being spread through families. You are high risk, and getting COVID seriously messes up your birth plans. If DH wants to see SD, it needs to be safely. 

If he just HAS to have a party, I recommend a Zoom party. People can send gifts beforehand and DD can "open" them on camera. She can also do her smash cake on camera. That, to me, is a great compromise that your DH should be willing to accept.

Sparkl3s's picture

Beat them all to the punch and send out a zoom invitation and reiterated that you are NOT doing a in person party. Let SIL know she should pick of skid and keep her at her house if she wants to participate in zoom. Send your skid a bday candy bag and hat to wear with her sibling. 

SeeYouNever's picture

That's already more than I want to do.1st birthdays are a lot like weddings, it's for everyone other than the guest of honor. 

I agreed to stopping by yesterday because we had just seen my family and it would have been an issue if I then didnt let him see his. I told him I didn't want a ton of people but now he's defensive and acting like I'm forbidding him from seeing his family.

Stepmama2321's picture

F*CK in laws AND your SD for ruining your daughters first birthday! Your first child? Their birthday is kind of an extra special day for you too because it was the birth of motherhood for you.


Sorry for the harshness. I'm hormonal pregnant and had in laws and SD who also ruined my DD 1st birthday just recently so I hate these situations for others.