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Constant schedule changes....

Sassy's picture

I think I know what to do here, but I need some outside opinions please. My DH and I have been sooooo kind with this BM who deserves absolutely none of it regarding visitation. At the very start she tried to do half and half and demanded child support, which we paid (she had no job yet). Then she got a job and we felt the payments should be lessened since she had her own income now. that was a HUGE fight, but we won. Anyhoo, it's beena very shitty road with her and visits. She keeps getting fired or quitting jobs and always wants us to work around her schedules. Of course as soon as she met her new hubby it all changed. All she wanted was weekends since she's far away. Yay-this is good. The problem thought is that we only have the kids when they are in school and we are at work. So her time is all fun mommy time, and our time is all do this do that work time. Shitty deal, but we deal with it. Well, every few months she changes her job crap and she just said it's changing again, but she's not sure when-maybe the end of April. DH and I got used t this weekends only thing and actually it makes things much easier. We know exactly when the kids will be here, we make sure all the homework and school stuff is done and their are few worries. The few times I had let her know about h-work, etc. she never made sure it got done-damn her! Now she is saying she will want the kids every other Monday when she'll be off again. That means that when we used to get them back on Sunday night and do all the h-work they "forgot" to do at moms, that opportunity will be gone. Now we have to figure what Monday's we'll have them and mak sure they get the work done on Friday before she picks them up.

My other problem with this is her sole reason for trying to get Mondays is that she knows the courts here count the nights spent at the parents house, not the actual time. So what does she do...she picks them up as late as possible Friday night then takes them to school Monday at 8am and gets credit for three days when she barely even spends two with them. She ends up with credit for Sat, Sun and Monday, but in reality we still have them 5 days a week and pay for it all. The only difference is the inconvenience of figuring out which Monday it is and did they remember to bring all their stuff home from moms that they will need for the week? I know they need thier mom still and maybe we should just give her the only time she has available to them.

Do you guys think I should just go with the flow again or bring this matter up to her? She has put up a huge fight any time we have tried to change visittion to get more quality time with them.


Sassy's picture

but basically she shows when she shows. The pick up is between 6 and 7 on Fridays and she is supposed to bring them home on Sundays at 7:30, but is frequently late (8 ish) I should loook at the agreements again and see what it says Thanks

Be kinder than necessary to everyone! We all have our battles.

WowjustWow's picture

Every time BM has a whim, the custody changes. The most recent was that she was moving a few hours away to get a job, so we would flip from having Skids from Fri 6pm till we dropped them off at school Monday (this was also the schedule she wanted earlier) to us having them Monday until Friday 6pm.

Supposedly BM wants this switched back come summer. I told DH "no more!" I was not flipping my life around at her every whim. I think he is on board with me, but it's hard to tell. He likes having them on weekends so he can spend more actual time with them. But I think they need to be with us during the school time because we actually have a stable household with dinners at home and chores and computers for homework. BM doesn't even have furniture because she sold it all. And she stays in a hotel on the weekends because she doesn't have an address or place to live. Oh, and that great job she was moving away for - doesn't exist.

It may sound spiteful, but I also don't want to change the schedule because we technically have the kids more time. Which means CS is a LOT lower. Like several hundred dollars cheaper. Like a months worth of groceries cheaper. Who would blame me for wanting to have more money for our household? If BM wants more money, she can get a job like the rest of us! Wait, then we can get the CS lowered even more! Win-Win situation for me!