what should I expect
ok, SS and FH moved in early this month, rules were estabalished.
however, SS is hardly home (stays at girlfriends) he does come over on occasion to shower or wash a small load of laundry.
My confusion is how much responsibility should I expect. one rule was that if he does not work then he must do some other "chore" ie. clean cutters to make up for not paying rent also kids are giving a daily chore list but he is hardly at home.
so what should I expect -I dont want to be a bitch but my thought is that if he wants to come over to shower, wash laundry he either pays or does a chore in leu of and take care of his daily responsibilities?
suggestions please!
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Weekly, maybe?
So he's coming and going as he pleases? No heads up to your or his dad where he'll be, when he'll be there and when you can expect him back? That's sounds pretty irresponsible to me. He either lives there or he doesn't; and if he lives there, whether he sleeps there nightly or not, he needs to be respectful of those who provide a roof for him (or for his stuff, rather). I say count your blessings that he's not there all the time. And I also say instead of daily chores, assign him some weekly ones. Assign them on Monday and expect them to be done by Sunday. Then whatever days he is home, he can be working on them. If he doesn't do them, then hand him a bill for his pro rata share of the utilities, including the storage fee for all his stuff.
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
yeah
he comes and goes when he pleases, and I am thankful that he is not there everyday too!!
I like your suggestions about doing it weekly! I need to talk to FH about this and wanted some options and I knew I could count on you!!
thanks again.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
i had a stage
that was just like this and if he isnt there everyday he shouldnt do a chore a day after all its house hold mess and if he is not in your house hold then its nothing to do with him. just make sure his room is always clean and then he will have nothing to worry about
life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )
I say I'd be charging rent and leave it at that...
Rent, storage fee, whatever you need to call it. FH is just continuing to let him take no responsibility for his behavior, or upkeep.
Everyone has to pay rent to their landlord, even if they barely come home.
Your FH has a responsibility to teach his child to be responsible for his own life. Maybe you can approach it from a place of concern that SS is not going to learn the basics of banking, rent, insurance, etc, as long as FH doesn't teach him.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
oh sita
I totally agree with you..
now how to bring it up without causing a ruckus.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
an idea
start watching Anne Landers, Dear Abby, whatever those advice columns are these days. That subject is sure to come up.
THEN...have a mutual friend you trust send out a forward to your and FH's email about one that matches this situation. This might allow you to say, "Did you get that forward from so and so? I think we should talk about that one."
How about that way?
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
worth a try
sometimes I think i come off uummmm....pissy to FH anyway especially when it relates to his son..
so i do try to be calm and controlled - and I am willing to try anything.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
My expectations were obviously way too much for SD !
My expectations out of 18y/o SD was to keep room decent, clean the downstairs bathroom once a week and let us know where she was going. Room never was even decent, bathroom was cleaned only half-ass, and we never knew where or what she was doing. She just expected us to TRUST her.
Expectations, led me to her punching me. My thoughts, some people you just can't expect much from. Small goals only. Sometimes expectations only hurt the ones who set them.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
yeah
I had it all spelled out before they moved in, yet only about 6 days worth of chores were ever really done, and one of the conditions was that if the rules are not followed then FSS would have to move out.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
He probably don't believe your conditions..
He's testing you and how far he can push, that's my thoughts. Has he ever been held accountable and had to commit to punishment? NoDoormat has already been takin as a screen name, but sounds like a good screen name for you sarahbernheart.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
trying to let FH deal with it
I understand that I might be a doormat, but I really wanted to let FH handle it, that is why I posted cuz I will bring this to him but not sure how without causing a big to do.
no he really has never been held accountable, this is the first time he has lived with me so it is all new territory and I am trying to be adult about it.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
yes
My BS lives there full time- I guess where my delimna lies in that FSS is hardly ever there, except for the occasional pop in.
so how nazi (no offense to any of our nazi friends teehee) should I be??
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
BUT....
Would a landlord give a tenant a break on rent because he's hardly home? Would roommates tell another roommate, "Well, you can just pay part of your share of the rent since you aren't here much."
NO.
Your FH is setting his son up to not know how to take care of himself.
What if the two of you charged rent to both kids, but secretly put it in an account for them to move out with on their own one day?
Would FH then see it as a positive lesson?
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Oooooh!
That is a GREAT idea! I like that one!
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥
agreed
but FSS does not have a job and he was told in order to live with us then he would have to do other things in order to compensate non payment.
I do charge bioson rent.
FH has the day off tomorrow so I am going to wait and see what he tells his BS.
that will then determine my course of action.
thanks ladies I appreciate all the input!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Wow....
Why is your FH allowing a double standard? Your son pays rent and his just comes and goes.
That's not fair. Surely FH can see that?
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
you would think right
that was my whole reasoning for the contract was to show FH that I was not playing favorites, but so far it is not working. I am sure he sees it but turns a blind eye to it..for now.
FH is supposed to have a talk with FSS today.
so I am going to sit tight till then.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."