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Telling BM tomorrow about us seeing a lawyer and going for full custody......I'm a little nervous.

RustyHalo's picture

FH is going to tell BM tomorrow about us seeing a lawyer and he's going to tell her that we're sure we will win full custody since BM's second DUI a couple weeks ago.

He's going to tell her that she can fight us on this and he will seek full custody with little to no visitation and make her pay child support OR she can agree to us having full custody and we will bring the skids to see her and bring them back home basically whenever she wants......and she will not have to pay any child support.

Recently, BM has been passing out at night and the skids have called us a couple times and we've had to have them wake BM up and FH has spoken to her regarding this.

BM denies drinking. She says she's just really tired. I think she's escalating since her recent arrest for DUI. She doesn't know we know about the DUI yet. FH was going to meet her, but our lawyer said it's a better idea to have a phone conversation and record it, so I'm going to buy a recorder tomorrow.

I hope things go well and I hope BM gets some much needed help. I am NOT wanting to replace her in the skids' lives. I want them to have a healthy, loving relationship with their BM.

Wish us luck tomorrow that things will go well. I feel like I'm heading into a battle that I'm confident we will win.........but is it really winning? I worry about the skids through all of this. They don't really think anything is wrong with their mommy and they love her very much and like to be with her, but last week SD10 did not go to school and BM told her to lie to us about it. FH was royally pissed because SD10 was NOT sick, she was just missing her mommy (we think).

Anyways, I will keep you all posted.

Thanks for all your support and advice.


stepmom2one's picture

Good luck! BM would be stupid not to accept the offer. But I would be prepared for her to say no and hang up on him. Then call back once she is sober enough and really thought it through.

RustyHalo's picture

Thanks for wishing us luck. I'm sure BM will hang up, but she will have tons to think about and I'm sure she WILL call back eventually to BEG FH to not go through with it. She will surely miss the 800 CS.

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

stepmom2one's picture

oh i bet. $$$$$ that is what most kids mean to BMs around here. If she thinks not getting that is hard she should try paying out...

RustyHalo's picture

Exactly, our BM will NEVER have money for any extras for the skids, but she is in a bar every chance she gets. She shipped the skids off this past weekend to friend's houses and went out. Who does this, especially when you have to be in court for a DUI next week and a lawyer costs money. BM did Rapid Refund for her taxes and she's been blowing money on crap ever since. I just hope she blows all of her money and then whe won't be able to afford a lawyer for the custody case.

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

RustyHalo's picture

Thanks for all the well wishes. I have a very bad feeling that if BM agrees and lets us have custody, AND she is no longer getting the CS every week that she will start seeing her girls less and less and I pray that doesn't happen for my skids sakes. They really love their mom and they feel sorry for her too and we're getting a picture of life at BM's house as the skids (8 and 10) as being more of the "adults" than BM is and taking care of her.

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

LotusFlower's picture

They do and will love their Mommy...but u are doing the right thing here!!!....they will see as they get older that BM is dysfunctional and not being a good Mom....I hope she gets the help she needs, but if she doesn't that is HER choice....yur skids don't have to suffer because their Mom has issues she is not dealing with...they can continue to love their Mommy, but u will see over time that they will start to pity her more than anything else if she doesn't get her sh*t together...I am so glad u and DH are doing this....I will keep u in my thoughts!!! Smile

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

Constantly_guilty's picture

Has it happened yet? Let us know what happened. I have to tell you that you are right to wonder if she will drift away from their lives if you take custody and she doesn't pay CS. That is EXACTLY what happened to my SD. Her mother was dating a man who lived in another country and we were worried that she was going to try and move to that country to be with him and take SD with her (she had primary custody and we had 3 weekends per month back then). So my DH told her that if she was planning to leave the country that he would keep her here tied up in court indefinitely over custody, but if she gave us custody and didn't try to take SD he wouldn't make her pay CS. You've never seen someone jump at an offer so fast. Within a week she had dropped SD off with us and that was that. It's now been nine months since she has seen SD and there are no plans for them to see eachother until spring break in April.