So BM, FH, and I are going to have a meeting......I can't wait!
For the past couple of weeks. Things have escalated out of control around here.
Last Wednesday, BM's newest BF showed up at my house. He was here to defend the poor girl. Well, he got maybe ten words out of his mouth before I let him have it. First of all, this BF has been a friend of mine for about seven years and we have always gotten along. He comes to my house and looks and speaks directly to FH about me while he is pointing in my direction about how mean I have been to BM lately. He didn't even finish his sentence before I placed myself directly in front of him, and reminded him that we have been friends for a long time and he can look me in the eye and speak TO me. This silenced him. I told him that none of this is any of his business and I'll be damned if anyone is going to come to my house and tell me how I can or should behave, especially when it's based on crap he's been hearing from the BM. He started to tell me how upset the BM is by everything that has gone on and I decided to open up the flood gates. I invited him into our heated garage (it was cold outside) and proceeded to tell him why I have issues with the BM. I explained to him all the reasons, issues, instances, facts, etc...
FH stood right there and nodded like a bobble-head doll, which was the RIGHT thing to do. He piped up a time or two in my defense to corroborate some of the things I was telling BF. About how BM has been trying to make my life a living hell for almost two years and I didn't say or do anything until the last few months.
Anyway, to make the long story short, BF left, called BM and the next thing I know I am getting a text message from BM telling we need to have a meeting and work all this crap out.
I can't wait for this to happen. I have read over everything in my journal, sifted through all the crap in my brain a time or two to prepare myself for this most welcome meeting.
I can't wait to let her have it with both barrls once and for all. I plan to make her cry. I plan to make her feel like the piece of crap mother she is. I can't wait to tell her how often I have to make up stories to her children when mommy "forgets", or when mommy doesn't answer her phone for days, or when mommy is late, or doesn't even show up at all. I can't wait to ask her WHY WHY WHY she has hated the very existence of me for the past two years. And I can't wait to ask her why she can't be appreciative or thankful for everything I have done for the skids and for HER. I have allowed her to be a neglectful parent by helping with homework she should have done, taking skids to get their shots because they were YEARS behind on them AND paying for it, showing up at all sporting events while BM sits in a bar, pick skids up from school when they're sick because nobody can get a hold of BM, and finally, WE (FH and I) have allowed BM to quit ANOTHER job because she knows we will pay for whatever the skids need.
I am literally giddy with anticipation.
Also, before I get any biomoms telling me how horrible I am - please know this - I am a BIOMOM myself. I am a BIOMOM first and foremost.
I don't want to be a mother to these children. I didn't give birth to them. I will NEVER be their mother. Their mom can be a piece of shit and I can be the best I can be in her place, BUT I will NEVER be the mom. I want my skids to have a great mother. I HATE picking up the slack for this useless waste of space. I want her to change for her skids' sakes and HERS.
Okay, well that's all I have to say for now. I will be back with an update after the glorious day of the GREAT MEETING WITH BM.
Thanks all.
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Comments
Rusty, where will the kids
Rusty, where will the kids be during this meeting?
I think BM's anger comes from guilt...you are doing everything that she *should* be doing but is too selfish to do. Even though some ppl put their wants before others needs, doesn't mean they don't realize what they are doing wrong and not have some guilt inside for it. Looks like this guilty anger is directed at you because you are being the Mom she apparently has trouble being, which forces her to face that guilt.
I don't know that "letting her have it" will accomplish anything, other than make you feel better at the moment. If you really want to get thru to her, and possibly make a difference, it's going to take understanding from both sides.
Good luck at your meeting, I hope that BM will open her eyes!
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
I would listen to what she
I would listen to what she says first - then you talk. Maybe she will say something in her part first, that will explain why she neglects her children. If it is a bunch of BS, then I say fire away, as it sounds like she is not involved anyway.
When is the meeting?
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“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham
We will be setting up a time
We will be setting up a time and place this week. We left it up to the BM because she has such a busy schedule what with doing ABSOLUTELY nothing all day.
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**
I dont blame you for going
I dont blame you for going in with loaded guns. The SM just expects you to take the slack cause they think that is what you are supposed to do, well in my case that is. I had it out with the skids mom once and i did feel better, she promised to change and well 8 years later she still hasnt. But i sure felt good. She told me it was my job to help raise her kids cause i loved the kids dad, BULL. They sure want someone to fill in the for them but they sure dont have the courage to back you up when you are doing the mommy thing. My husbands ex should be glad there was someone to raise her daughter for 11 years, instead all i get is what i have done wrong, and how i could do it better. I say by all means, take over, you brought this kid into the world, you raise her. i hope you feel better and i hope you get thru to her how she is hurting her kids. good luck and cant wait to know how it turns out!!
I dont blame you for going
I dont blame you for going in with loaded guns. The SM just expects you to take the slack cause they think that is what you are supposed to do, well in my case that is. I had it out with the skids mom once and i did feel better, she promised to change and well 8 years later she still hasnt. But i sure felt good. She told me it was my job to help raise her kids cause i loved the kids dad, BULL. They sure want someone to fill in the for them but they sure dont have the courage to back you up when you are doing the mommy thing. My husbands ex should be glad there was someone to raise her daughter for 11 years, instead all i get is what i have done wrong, and how i could do it better. I say by all means, take over, you brought this kid into the world, you raise her. i hope you feel better and i hope you get thru to her how she is hurting her kids. good luck and cant wait to know how it turns out!!
RustyHalo, again, it always
RustyHalo, again, it always amazes me how it's the smom/sdad who messes up the kids...if the smom/sdad is "neglectful", it is their damage that has harmed the kids...never the bio's damage...you know? So, take care of YOUR children...YOUR children should be your priority...I know I many times worry about crazy witch's daughter, but at the end of the day, I take care of my child now...not hers...I do what I need to do to protect my DH (as the father of my kiddo) and my kiddo...
Good luck to you and you have done more than she has ever done...
Been here, done this!!! And
Been here, done this!!! And in my case, surprisingly... it helped. I was able to allow her in to a piece of MY life. What I get to deal with as I pick up the pieces of shattered normalcy that SS may never know while he is with her. It was a true wake up call for her. Knowing what I deal with on my end, after SHE screws things up. KNOWING how many stories I have had to tell SS in an attempt to put his little worried mind at ease when "mommy is sad all of the time" or "mommy won't stop crying". All situations she brought on herself.
I truly hope this does some good. Keep up updated!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~