I need help. Here is some background:
Married 6 years, together 8. I have DS23, DD20 & DD15. DH has SD14. My kids are doing ok, DS has graduated from college, DD20 is in college, DD15 is in high school, maintaining good grades, plays a sport, has friends. Other than an occasional smart mouth (teens…) she is doing well.
SD14 is another story and where I need guidance from the Stalk community. I want to get it out that I am 99% disengaged, have been for about 4 years. I learned it here and strictly follow that philosophy. It has saved my sanity and kept my kids out of the fray with my DH’s HCBM and kid.
The issue: Has anyone had a skid with Anorexia, Purging Type? My SD went from a normal weight to incredibly thin in what seemed to be overnight. She kept displaying all the classic symptoms of excusing herself from the table an excessive amount of times during meals, dramatic weight loss. Wearing huge clothes even in warm months, picking at her food, only eating small amounts, etc.
Last summer, I mentioned to DH that I thought there was an issue and when he asked her she admitted to purging to lose weight. Trip to therapist confirmed it. When DH and SD14 called mom to let her know what was going on, she was aggressive and defensive. Asked SD ‘how can you do this to me, I cant deal with this, all teen girls go through this’ and other things. It was quite a scene. I think it also upset her that it was the SM who identified the issue.
BM continued to deny there was an issue, refused to take her to therapy appointments while my Dh is running himself ragged trying to help his kid. He eventually forced a meeting with the Parenting Facilitator who compelled her to participate in treatment. BM was marginally compliant until she found gallon bags of vomit hidden in SD bedroom. Then she became supermom (eyeroll here).
SD has been in IOP (intensive outpatient treatment) for months and for a while it seemed to work but now we are not sure. We caught her with laxatives over the holiday break and BM called freaking out last night because she found more vomit.
It seems like there is always something – from BM trying to us to pay her half of the co-pays, the drunk phone calls from BM with her and SD yelling at each other. We were also informed last week that SD14 is having unprotected sex with her boyfriend. BM says she cant take off work to get her on birth control.
I am not directly subjected to their behaviors but do have to deal with DH when this goes on. He has Disney dad tendencies and hates to tell the kids NO. He self-corrects pretty well but this has worn him down.
I guess my questions is this…has anyone dealt with an anorexia diagnosis? What should I expect next? What is my role as the SM? It is affecting my house, I hate when she is here for visits and the eventual drama. She is not aggressive with me; she knows I would not tolerate it for a second. That’s how I have raised my kids and she gives me a wide berth on her nasty behavior.
Part of me wants to take over and drive the changes that need to be made. Most of me wants to run away from home and never see any of these crazy people ever again.