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BM "Grooming" SD to be a little evil BM

Rouge20's picture

Submitted by Rouge20 on Tue, 08/18/2020 - 1:29pm

Things were going too well haha. BF is still very on-board with kids, and SD is still being great about doing schoolwork.

BM is a whole other thing. To give some background, BM and both of her sisters had kids right oout of high school (which BM and younger sister didn't finish) with guys that were either very short-term boyfriends or one-night stands (BM's case). SD's female cousins are already dating and having boys stay overnight in their rooms because they have "relationships approved by their mothers". The oldest is 15. We've had the suspicion that BM is going to try and have SD do the same as her and trap someone, but this seemed like kind of a distant thing. Until now.

SD (11) now has a "boyfriend" and I found out this isn't the first one (the other was in March, when she was 10, and promptly ended when BM got in a fight with his mom). She told me about it when she was over last night, and apparently BM checks in and reminds her to talk to her boyfriends and has said that she can date but not say "I love you". Whatever. Last night I found out the real troubling part: She's had this new "boyfriend" for a week, and BM is encouraging her to change her middle school choice so she can go to the same school as him in the fall. WTF. She's 11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that's insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We've been hoping and trying to get SD to go to the middle school in our neighbourhood (well-funded, new, full of learning aids, and full of kids from good families) but BM insisted that she shouldn't because "they don't have the learning supports she needs so she needs to go to X school" where BM lives, which is no where near comparable. Obviously we know what the real problem is: if SD is listed at our address to go to this superior school then BM loses her claim to CS. I can't f**cking believe that she's basically telling an 11 year-old that a  week-old relationship is reason enough to change schools, and that she gives such little shit about her daughter's education. She's trying to make a tiny evil BM for the next generation!!! Forget the fact that she's still a CHILD.

BF doesn't know about this conversation yet and I'm going to tell him tonight. He's actually really good at calling BM on her shit and not letting her go crazy, so it'll be interesting to see what happens. I'm dreading telling him though.

I don't know how women like that sleep at night. I really have no f**cking clue. I feel like I should just disengage and let the show go on, but SD is actually a really good kid and there's still hope. 

FFS.

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Tue, 08/18/2020 - 3:56pm

I agree 100% with what you say.  My only concern is, will SD feel like you betrayed a confidence?  It's not a case of telling BM anything she doesn't know ( the BF) but if it causes an upset between BF and BM, will your SD regret talking to you?  Sounds like you have a good relationship with her.

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Tue, 08/18/2020 - 5:25pm

JFC some women really don't mature beyond the boy crazy stage. My brother's wife's mom is a serial BM. 5 kids by 3 men and over 20 years between the oldest and youngest. She basically encouraged her daughter at 14 to go out and catch a man. For her it wasn't so much that the world revolves around boys, it was more like she wanted some guy to take her daughter off her hands so she wouldn't have to be responsible for her. My brother's wife barely got her GED and never let her claws off my brother. Her mom, on their wedding day, said "I'm so glad you're taking care of her" not I'm so happy for you, or I wish you a good life... No... I'm so glad you're taking care of her. What a deadbeat. And the cycle of crappy mom's continues to the next generation.

WwCorgi7's picture

Submitted by WwCorgi7 on Tue, 08/18/2020 - 6:47pm

While this whole situation sounds really sick and messed up that sentence made me laugh. I said the exact same thing to my husband about 3 years ago based off of comments from my SD. At 11 years old she made it sound like being a single mom with a messy break up was the only life to live. She would say things like "well I'll always leave the kids with my ex when I want to go out and party", or "my ex better not mess with me". You know what is even sicker? I was clearing out the computer preparing for the my kids to start their remote learning and I came across her saved Sims games. She has multiple "families" all of them are they exact same story. Sometimes her main sim adult is named after BM and the toddler daughter is named after herself or it will be SD's name as the main adult and a toddler with a girl name she likes. She will usually have them start out as a family mom, dad, daughter and then she makes the parents fight and break up. Then she would either make the husband move out, keep him in the house and make them fight and torture eachother, or put him in the pool and take the ladder out. All I could think of was she is going to be the most evil BM on the face of the Earth when she grows up. 

thiscantbenormal's picture

Submitted by thiscantbenormal on Tue, 08/18/2020 - 8:36pm

My twin SDs are 12.  One is a lesbian with a girlfriend that stays over with her bedroom door locked and the other has tiktok videos about being bisexual.

BM also allowed her oldest son's girlfriend to sleep over and supposedly the girlfriend's mom had slept in BMs bed with her...per the skids.

Gotta be the cool mom.