Update to Taking Bets...
DH and I were chatting earlier this week about STalk (yes, we chat about it from time to time) and I told him about my "Taking Bets" post.
If you didn't read it, the quick-and-dirty is that YSS is failing many classes, semi-wants to go to DC as part of a school trip, and it's stupidly expensive. DH initially said no, but I feared he would give in.
So, I tell him what I posted and reminded him that it's me venting so it's not very flattering. I tell him my fears, including that BM would scrap together the deposit and he'd end up paying the rest.
DH laughed and said, "if she pays the deposit and wants him to go, then she can pay the rest; I'm not paying for him to go."
After some more conversation, DH said that there were be A LOT of things YSS would have to do in order to earn the privilege to go on DH's dime. DH doesn't think he has the time to do it all, so it's a moot point. He's not going to pay, but he won't stop him from going on BM's dime.
I was relieved that he said that. We chatted more about YSS not getting to go even though OSS has gotten to go on similar trips. DH agrees with me that OSS works hard to earn those trips and that's why DH (or FIL - he gifted OSS an international trip that I thought was far too generous, but it's his money and his GS) pays. If YSS puts in a similar level of effort, he'll pay. But YSS isn't and so DH won't. At this point, YSS is just working to not lose everything in his bedroom minus a bed.
So, while this *could* change, DH spoke and had "the look" that he hasn't had in a while, which was the look of "I'm not playing these games and I'm not f**cking paying for them". Ahh, it's a sexy look. He also has jumped at the last two monetary requests from BM for things CS should pay for.
I should make him some cupcakes. 
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Go for the cupcakes!!
But he really needs to get on to his kid for the failing grades.
I am open to suggestions you
I am open to suggestions you have with only having EOWE visitation. He gave YSS two weeks to work out a plan and starting bringing his grades up. He has his progress report (I haven't asked about it yet), so some info about what he is/isn't doing.
Again, DH makes sure he does his work. Makes him redo it when he half-arses it. He just doesn't turn it in. Outside of taking everything he owns and getting a list of missed assignments to make YSS redo them (which DH is considering), I'm not sure what else he can do.
Apparently DH was much the same in school in regards to homework and turning in assignments. FIL never figured out something that worked. DH will make life uncomfortable when YSS is here, but this really comes down to YSS being lazy and unorganized, despite DH working with him to create folders/binders for each class.
This isn't a new issue. This has ALWAYS been an issue with YSS, and ALL of us (MIL and FIL included) have tried to help YSS. He's been in therapy, nothing. He's worked with a school counselor, nothing. Teachers have made accommodations to his assignments, nothing. It has ALWAYS been a fight, but since everyone bent over backwards, he always passed.
Now the school won't bend, and DH feels that he may need to actually fail and feel the consequence of that in order to make changes.
My SS9 is the same way
We have EOWE, as well, and there is so very little we can do to address his school issues. We try. He's on lockdown until and unless he behaves (he's only in 4th grade, so it's not grades as much as getting him to actually try). His "give a poop" is just broken...
MAKE THOSE CUPCAKES!!!
MAKE THOSE CUPCAKES!!!
He is only allowed to share the cupcakes AFTER they have been gifted to him...LOL
You can not have SS EOWE
And do much about his school grades. That something , someone has to be on him everyday, to finish homework, check homework, check on projects ect, he is not going to care about a end of year trip to DC until two weeks before they leave. At 10 ish YO there very little he can do to earn money for trip, unless school does fund raisers. Or he does stuff around the house EOWE to earn Money.
I can not see how DH only see this kid EOWE, with out the kid feeling his father really care about him. He is making no effort to see him more. He can not be involved in his DS life EOWE. Maybe DH should move to EWE, and maybe a few hours during the week. To show the kid he actually cares about him. Beside paying CS and doing EOWE. Do they do one to one things ? Fishing, paintball, ??
He's 12, and he has no way of
He's 12, and he has no way of earning $1,100 by either Spring Break or summer. Not even a little bit. He barely keeps his room at bare minimum standards; he isn't about to do any extra work for money, even spending money.
Money
I dont see a child this age being able to earn much money, BUT I tell DD, HER job is school, and like any job, how well she does will have consequences. I dont think every child can be an A student, but there better be a good reason for Fs
That's DH's thing. If YSS was
That's DH's thing. If YSS was failing in spite of turning in homework, studying hard, working with the teacher, etc., then DH would probably consider the trip. DH doesn't think either SS needs to be a straight A student, but he expects them to try their hardest.
OSS ratted him out for not doing all his homework. Apparently OSS has been the one telling him to do his homework (no idea what BM is doing after school), and YSS has been telling him that he'll just do it on the bus, during lunch, during study hall, etc. And then he doesn't do it, or at least doesn't turn it in.
DH never trusts YSS that his homework is done. He ALWAYS checks to make sure he does it when he is over. BM apparently doesn't bother (though she makes sure to tell DH what assignments they both have on weekends - OSS is a JUNIOR FFS, stop babying him). Hope she feels stellar about that one...
There is just not a great solution for DH unless he parks his arse at BM's a few nights a week to force YSS to do it. Even then, he can't guarantee he turns it in. How much do you hold a lazy 12 year old's hand?
Regarding the second
Regarding the second paragraph, HAHAHAHAHA! BM wouldn't give up CS to allow DH to have EOW (and the court wouldn't give it to him unless he agreed to keep paying the same amount of CS - welcome to Pro-BM Anti-Canada) and we don't live close enough to allow that for a multitude of reasons. When DH has lived closer to BM, she would just drop the kids off with no inclination when she would be back, or her boy toys would screw with DH, or she'd come over demanding sh*t. We live close enough to participate in stuff for the kids, but far enough that BM has to think long and hard about whether she wants to waste the gas to come to us.
DH gets them over breaks, too, so I shouldn't say "just EOWE". YSS used to be a HUGE Pokemon fan, so DH learned the names and stats of *every* Pokemon so they could talk strategy, play games, etc. They play board games together, and DH has been teaching him D&D stuff recently. They don't get a lot of 1-on-1 time, and I have encouraged DH to spend more time with him when he can.
Maybe you could hire a tutor
Maybe you could hire a tutor that he sees on the weekends when you guys have him, or find a way for him to get extra help after school. When I was getting bad grades my dad would make me stay after school and see my teachers for extra help. Only I would lie about getting extra help and would hangout with friends after school instead. So my dad would literally show up to my school and escort me to make sure I was actually going, sooooo humiliating, but in my case my dad worked right near my school so it was easy for him to do this and it worked. Maybe your DH could go to his school and talk to his teachers about giving him extra help after school or maybe they know great tutors.