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And..... IL drama resurfacing.

Rags's picture

I may have shared previously that BIL1 and his wife are in the process of adopting twin 9yo girls.  While we were on Holiday in Austria last week we got the text that the court date to finalize the adoption is next week.   They had previously asked us if we wanted adoption day "TEAM (Lastname)" shirts with "Uncle" and "Aunt on our respective shirts.  Apparently they are all wearing T-shirts to court.  We did not know if we were going to be able to attend the hearing in SpermLand.  Once DW got the text with the date she immediately bought tickets (while we were on the train in Austria) for us to attend the adoption hearing.    

We told them that we would let them know about T-Shirts once we knew if we could attend the court hearing. The original tentavive schedule for court was for the week of TG.  We were out of the country.   Apparently we pissed of BIL1 and his bovine bride  because now they are iceing us on the celebratory events around the adoption.  We fly out this coming Friday after my wife gets off of work (I am still rocking the mid career self financed sebaticle while I look for my next career adventure so my calendar is entirely flexible). Court is on Tuesday of next week and we return home on Wed.  BIL2 shared the schedule for all of the adoption related get togethers this coming weekend and early next week.

Guess what?  I am attending and so is my wife.  Invited or not.

The ability of these people to learn and retain their learnings is infuriatingly limited.  When they get stupid and manipulative, we rub their noses in it.  So.... here comes the nose rubbing in the stinky spot on the carpet of their manipulative decisions.  When they do not get their way they get petty and ice us and anyone else who hurts their fee fees by not doing as they wish. Regardless of other people's lives.  The rest of the IL clan just burries their heads in the sand and ignores whoever is playing the manipulative juvenile games.  Not us.  We don't play those games.  We put it all out there front and center.  This makes the manipulators and the hide-ers very, very uncomfortable.

That is their problem and not our problem.

So here we go..... again.  It has been a good run of several years of reasonableness from BIL1 and his BB.  But.... apparently that is coming to an end.  So back to ass baring of IL clan idiocy.


Kes's picture

Gosh, your adoption processes in the USA must be very different to ours in the UK, which would not have open court proceedings to which tickets can be bought.  This all seems very strange to me.  However, that is by the by.   Are BIL and his wife really suitable people to be adopting children when they behave in such a childish way over the fact that you were out of the country for some of the process?  It seems bizarre and I would class it as acting out.  Maybe the adoption authorities should know what this couple are actually like before they shit all over some poor twins lives?  

lieutenant_dad's picture

Why go? If they ice you, then just don't go. It's their event, and if they want to be arses, let them be. No need to go and turn their celebration into a hostile event just because you feel snubbed. There are ways to do that that don't fall on the eve of the adoption of their kids.

Rags's picture

My wife bought the tickets within an hour of receiving the text with the court date.   Then they started playing games much like they did for several ears.

We are using our invitation.   

The only thing that has worked when they play games is to call them on it.  Calling them on it early before they get momentum and make the whole family miserable for years is far less dramatic than letting them get fully wound up and causing a seemingly never ending period of hurting peoples feelings.  That is how they manipulate.

They don't like having their crap highlighted.  So.... I highlight their crap when they roll it out.

Disneyfan's picture

So you are fully aware that you are no longer welcomed.  So instead of not attending, you are going to go and  try to make the hosts(and everyone else) uncomfortable.

I'm sure the only reason you're doing this is because you know they don't have the nerve to stand up to you and toss your behinds out.

I wonder if you would make the same choice if you were dealing with folks that didn't mind getting down and dirty. It's easy to play the tough guy when you know your target would knock you on your ass.  Or in this case, toss you out on your ass.

Rags's picture

This is my wife's family.  We are part of the family.  Their discomfort is not my concern since any discomfort they have is their choice.

I would go regardless of the testicular fortitude of the toxic dealing individuals.  When they act the ass in front of everyone I maintain my calm and let everyone present whitness the lack of character bullshit.  Then I make a cutting well worded comment about their petty bullshit and lack of class and I leave.

Any attempts to "knock (me) on (my) ass" and particularly any attempt to knock my bride on her ass  changes the game and it would not end well.  I might not win the fight, but I wouldn't lose. I don't deal well with bullies.  Bad stuff happens when they get physical with me.

I deal reasonably with those who act reasonably.  Not a conplex formula.

notarelative's picture

If they sent you the date and they shared the schedule with you,  I would think you were invited.

Rags's picture

We were invited.  Now... they are playing games.   Which is why we will be front and center.  DW purchased our tickets within an hour of getting the text with the court date.