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would you have a cuppa with the ex?

QUINJAI3's picture

okay in my family there is a huge debate currently as to wheather it is ok to have a cuppa and a casual chat with the ex, sd-6 bm.
now for those of you who have read my previous blogs will understand the psycho with whom i refer to but for those of you who don't my hubby of 5 years ex has been a psychotic thorn in our sides since day one. she doesn't want sd-6 yet hates hubby that much that she doesn't want him to have her either and endeavours to interfer with hubby and sd relationship like denying access on fathers day, usuing her own name for sd's enrolements instead of her legal name which is the same as hubby's and so and so forth. anyway the issue is that my hubby has clearly expressed his opinion of the ex to his family and has made it clear that he wants as little to do with this woman as possible outside of caring for sd. but last year while residing with us hubby's brother and fiance invited her into our house and had a coffee with her, hubby said that he did not care if they did this in their own time but she was not welcome in our home well long story short we haven't spoken to hubby's brother since november last year, yet the ex sees them every week. after this incedent the brother then went on to invite other family members namely hubby's grandmother and uncle to sd dance recitale on behalf of bm yet hubby didn't even know sd did dancing when approached about this the brother made it clear that hubby was not welcome, from this we made the decision that the brother and his partner are not people we associate however we know have a major divide in hubby's family as his mum and dad are siding with the brother stating that they would have invited the ex for cuppas by now to yet hubby's grandmother and uncle are on our side. plus everyone in my family feel that due to bms actions they wouldn't have anything to do with her.

so the question i pose is would you have a casual cuppa on a regular basis with the ex of a family member?

Comments

Chocoholic's picture

I don't see why.... unless there was a good relationship but it doesn't sound like thats the case in your situation. For me, I would not ever entertain the idea because our bb belongs in a looney bin along with your!

FallingfromGrace's picture

Not with my ex or his! And I think that your hubby's brother and fiance were WAY out of line for inviting her in. That is your house and it is up to you two what relatioship you have with the ex. That whole situation is crap! I would be terribly upset with hubby's family right now. They are his family not hers! Good luck with this and you are soooo right here!

Anne 8102's picture

I guess it depends on the relationship, though. My aunt takes vacations with her ex-husband and their children. My grandmother still sends a Christmas care package to my mother, her ex-daughter-in-law. My MIL used to babysit her ex-husband's daughter. If I ran into her on the street, I would still be friendly to my ex-husband's sister-in-law. My parents are going to a wedding shower for my brother's ex-fiance and her new husband-to-be. So, yeah, I think it's sometimes okay to be friendly with a family member's ex, especially if you had a relationship with that person outside of your family member's relationship with them.

But you don't do it in their house, for cryin' out loud, especially if they have told you they don't want her there.

~ Anne ~

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Mocha2001's picture

I would give anything for BM to agree to sit down with me. But I guess it would depend on what you wanted to get out of it. I want to udnerstand her psycho perspective, so that DH and I can better communicate with her. I figure maybe if I "understand" her perspective we might be able to better communicate, AND vice versa. Will it work, who knows. Someday I hope she does because even if she is psych, a "good" relationship between me and her will make it easier for SS and myself.

~ Katrina