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SS17 stay out of my bedroom

Onefootout's picture

SS17 walked into his bedroom a few minutes ago and who did he find? Me, lying on his bed surfing the web. So here's how it went. Told him, hey, SS17, don't mind me, I'm just hanging. He told me he thought it was kind of weird me being in his bedroom. I said, you think? Does it feel weird and kind of awkward? He responded, yeah. And he was none too pleased.

SS17 goes to his dad, and of course, SO says he's staying out of it, that it's between me and SS17. Typical.

I invited SS17 into his own bedroom to discuss the matter. Talked to him about how he has this habit of talking at his dad, his dad keeps walking away into our bedroom and SS17 follows his dad into our bedroom to finish what he's saying and continuing the "conversation" (really it's a one way conversation on SS17's part) in our bedroom. Asked him to consider whether that might not be a good time for his dad to listen to what he has to say and maybe he could think about waiting for his dad to come out of the bedroom to finish the conversation.

Also told him I have a lot of private things like lingerie and my underwear as well as other things that I wouldn't embarrass him by mentioning them. Told him he was almost a grown man and he needs to consider how an adult woman would feel about another grown man (not her SO) entering her bedroom. Asked him if he understood what went on in that bedroom between me and his dad. He said yes. And told him that's why I felt creeped out by him walking into my bedroom, whether I'm in the room or not, without him having a valid reason for being there.

Asked him if he knew what personal boundaries were, he said yes. Also told him I wasn't mad at him (kind of a lie) and I wasn't trying to be difficult or unfair and if he had a problem with it he could talk about it. Told him that when he waltzed into my bedroom yesterday, I had a number of very private things laying out and I felt creeped out by him being there.

SO won't enforce boundaries with his son, then I'll have to do it myself. Sucks, though. But oh well. This has been a long battle for over a year to keep SS out of my bedroom, and SS will slip and revert back to his old ways, hopefully this will keep him out for another 6 months.

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Onefootout's picture

Thanks guys. Appreciate the comments.

And because this is not a typical teenager I'm dealing with, there was no wink wink nudge nudge about the sex part. He's got some mild social impairment and he's not the type to tell his friends about what I said to him, mainly because he only has one real friend and they would much rather stick to video games in their conversations. He's the type that if you don't spell things out for him and make the connections clear for him, he won't get it. The sex and lingerie part was to drive home the embarrassment and violation I felt when he was in there. He needed to feel my pain. And it was the truth, I had my pink lace negligee hanging out of my suitcase, which he stood right next to. I absolutely hated having to insinuate the sex part but felt I had no choice.

And his dad is actually way more open about sex with his son than I would ever approve. What I said was tame compared to what SS is used to. SO is the classic wink wink nudge nudge kind of guy and he does it on purpose to tease and embarrass his son. No one wants to hear about their parents having sex.

His dad just won't put him in his place. In a way I feel sorry for the kid but someone has to tell him the truth that he's no longer a child and he cannot act like one. He could cause a lot of misunderstanding and get into trouble.

Onefootout's picture

You're welcome PlansChange. Hope it works out. We'll see if this worked for me. Time will tell.