You are here

Ridiculous! Just frickin' ridiculous!

Nymh's picture

Warning: LONG read! Well, visitation was the other day so you know I've got something to vent about. BM called SS on his cell phone, and he told her that he and I were at the house alone and that BF had gone to the store real quick and would be right back. Apparently this is some sort of criminal offense or something because BM went ballistic. Answer me something: is there anything wrong with SS staying with me for a few minutes while BF runs to the store? Well, none of us thought so but BM felt differently.

She called back after BF had gotten back and spoke to him through SS, making SS tell BF what she wanted to tell BF. She said that visitation was over and that they needed to come home NOW. BF asked politely what time it was, and informed her that he'd have SS until court-ordered time to go home. She said that no, he had forfeited his right to visitation that day by proving that he couldn't take care of SS and leaving him alone with me. He again said that they'd be home at the normal time. She then said that visitation was OVER and she expected to see them in 30 minutes. "Arrest me,” he said. She said she wanted to talk to him. He picked up the phone and told her basically that he didn’t understand what was wrong with what had happened. I guess she said that he was supposed to be with his son 24/7 when he had him, because he asked her if SHE was with SS 24/7 when she had him, said “so you never get a babysitter, never leave him with your mother...” Then she started threatening to go to her lawyer or call the cops to our house and he told her to go ahead and get ugly, we’ll see how DHS likes certain things and we’ll see just how ugly things can get (her house is a pigsty...literally disgusting. She hasn't cleaned the place in probably as long as SS has been alive. SS says that the house looks like someone just took a bag of garbage and slung it around everywhere. BF said that he was looking for some of his stuff when he was moving out and found a bunch of dirty diapers. SS hasn't worn diapers in like 6 years...). He hung up the phone. She of course called back and told SS she wanted to talk to BF. "Sorry!" So then she made SS give the phone to me. Greeeaaat.

She gets me on the phone and tries to act like she did nothing wrong...she said she was just trying to ask BF some simple questions and he was threatening to contact DHS (Yeah…THAT’S how it went…). She blah blah blahed for a couple of minutes and asked me what BF plans to do with SS for Christmas. I told her he planned on doing what the parenting plan says, which is pick him up at 3PM on Christmas day and bring him back at 3PM two days later. Oh no he won’t! She told me that she was going to see her lawyer the next day and try to get BF’s parental rights revoked or make visitations supervised.

BF talked to SS after all this and told him that BM is probably going to do some things soon to try to make it where BF can't see SS anymore. He asked SS how he felt about that. "It SUCKS!" he said. He told SS that if BM does do this, there will probably be some people who are going to ask him some questions, and he needs to tell them the truth whether it's good or bad. He asked SS if he wanted to spend less, more, or the same amount of time with his Dad - he said more! BF said alright, we'll see what we can do.

I REALLY don’t understand the need for all this ridiculous drama. So BF ran to the store...what’s the big deal? She’s sent me several emails since then. She has repeated that she’s going to see her lawyer, which I responded that I didn’t understand the need to make things more difficult when we could all work things out like adults between us and not include legal action. Of course, she doesn’t see it that way. Every little thing that she doesn’t agree with, she calls her lawyer or the police. BF calls her and she doesn’t want to talk to him? She calls the police. BF finds out that she’s been stalking me and paying money to get info on me? She calls the police. It’s ridiculous! She says that she does NOT want him at our house and she does NOT approve of overnight visits especially considering what happened that day. I told her that her disapproving of something doesn’t make it illegal...so then she starts lying and says that BF verbally agreed to not have SS around me or any females, or anyone that’s not a blood relative. WTF? I asked her how he’s supposed to take SS out to do things when he’s not allowed to be around women or people he’s not related to...I asked her why she was so scared of her son being around me, if she thought that he was going to like me more than he likes her...she of course dodged the question. Is that what this is all about?? I’ve tried telling her MULTIPLE times that I’m not trying to replace her and I will never “steal” her son. I've offered to her for us to work this out amongst the three of us like ADULTS several times but she's ignored every one of them and responded with another ridiculous lie. She has no intention of working this out! It's just the next thing she can use as ammunition against BF.

I’m just wondering what she’s going to tell her attorney this time to get something done. Every time she feels the need to get legal intervention, she tells them these very obviously made-up stories to get them to do whatever she wants. First It was that BF threatened to burn down her house with her and her son in it. Then it was BF and I had hacked and bugged her computer and were tracking everything she did. Then it’s that BF calls her every day to tell her that he made a mistake and wanted her back. Then it was that he called her 50 times in 8 hours, and that she overheard him threatening to beat SS if he didn’t lie to her. What is she going to say now to get what she wants??

Furthermore, WHY would a mother try so hard to have her ex-husband's parental rights revoked? She's told me before that if BF would just sign over his rights to SS, things would be much easier. WHY would a mother not want their child to have a relationship with it's own father??

Comments

Caitlin's picture

Insert SD for SS and we're living parallel lives, Nymh!

Is she mentally ill too, because my SD's BM is bipolar and I blame her ridiculous behavior on being sick in the head, but apparently, you can do crazy things without being crazy when you're just plain insecure, manipulative, controlling, vindictive and selfish. These women will stop at nothing - they will lie in court, hurt their own kids, throw temper tantrums - all to get back at their exes. WTF? GROW UP! Learn to let go!

My SD herself said that she is more mature than her mom. She's 11. How does your SS take all this? My poor SD HATES being put in the middle like that. It upsets her to the point of getting severe anxiety attacks requiring medication.

Oh and by the way, if you're in need of validation, there is NOTHING wrong with BF leaving you and SS home alone.

Anne 8102's picture

We went through this, too. Being that I already had a child myself, I felt like it was a good situation for me to maybe befriend my skids' mother and I tried to approach her in as non-threatening a manner as I could. Maybe if she saw that I had a child of my own, she wouldn't be so quick to think I was trying to take her place with her kids. Nothing I did worked and she pretty much held the kids hostage, denying visitation, suing for more CS, you name it. At one point, my husband couldn't get her or the kids on the phone for three months and started to get suspicious. We got a tip and called the local police department, who gave us police reports showing that her new husband had been arrested twice for beating her up in front of the kids and both incidents were drug/alcohol related. We had no idea where she was, where the kids were, etc. We didn't know what to do, so we called DHS and asked them to check into it. They did and they made a referral for counseling for them. She was pissed off about him calling DHS, but at that point we had no idea where the kids were or if they were even alive. So sometimes you have to do what you have to do, because you're simply left with no other choice.

I wondered if our BM might be bipolar, as well, because she swings like a pendulum. One minute she's calling me, all sweet and syrupy, thanking me for getting her daughter's hair cut and offering to reimburse me for the expense. The next minute she's screaming at me and making ridiculous accusations that she cooked up in her own mind. I do know that she was diagnosed with adult onset ADD shortly after we were married, so that plays a part in her behavior. Whenever her world spins out of control, she always lashes out at us, even if we had nothing to do with her current dilemma. I think it's her way of controlling something in her life when everything else is beyond her control.

~ Anne ~

OldTimer's picture

Just add me to the list.... yet, it does get better. IF, and that is a BIG IF, the BM's can realize that they really do need mental help and get it... things get better. (I just hope it stays this way...)

Nymh's picture

He's told us that his mom really hurts his feelings with all her questions and how she puts him in the middle. Whenever she calls him on his cell while he's with us, he rolls his eyes and says "It's my Mom AGAIN..." He's told us that sometimes she hurts his feelings so bad that he goes to his room and cries. He said that his room is his hiding spot from her. I feel so bad for him.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

OldTimer's picture

Have you ever considered perhaps taking her to court, and having your SS tell HIS side of things to a judge? Just let him speak privately on what he would like to do? Infact, some judges/courts would have the SS speak to several professionals who come up with a solution that they report back to the judge on. Might be something to really consider.

Putting this child in the middle of an adult phone conversation is not right by any means. Had that been us, DH would have gotten on the phone and politely but firmly told BM... 'when you can calm down and talk to me like an adult, then we'll talk' and then hung up the phone, disconnect it, turned it off, whatever.

Oh, another thought... he has a cellphone right, well, what if you had him just turn it off while he's there? If she needs to contact you, she can call your home phone direct, AND, screen her calls instead. While he is at your home, it's YOUR time, not hers. This is what we ended up doing because she would harass us, and of course, without fail whenever she called and had to leave a message it was like..."how dare we not be at home when she called." Like we were here for her beck-n-call... Um... excuse me? Just because we have a life and you don't... So, we ignore her.

What is up with these women?!?!?!?

Nymh's picture

Actually, that's what BF was talking about when he told SS that some people might be asking him some questions. BF and I talked about it after SS went home. If BM continues on this track, BF will have no choice but to try to sue for more custody. The way he sees it is that she's not providing a healthy environment for SS, is breaking a lot of the rules of the parenting plan and class that they went through, and is so vindictive and pissed off that she doesn't see how much it's hurting SS. BF can't stand to see his child hurt like this much more, and it's just getting worse as time goes on.

We don't have a home phone. BF and I both have cellphones, so we use my number as the home phone number. She doesn't have either of our cell numbers because that would just be another way for her to harrass us or call us with no good reason and just to start trouble. She already emails us enough and calls BF's business several times a day to gripe and complain. The only reason that she got SS the cell was so she could talk to him while he was with us since we tend to ignore her calls in an effort to have a good visitation with SS. Personally I think he's way too young for a real cellphone of his own (he's 8 btw). BF and I were going to get him one of those Firefly phones that you can only use to call Mom and Dad...so BM went and got him a full-blown phone with wireless internet and everything. He even showed me how he can download games and ringtones and browse the web on it...I am not going to tell him how much money that costs because we offered to get him a phone that was age-appropriate and BM gave us a laundry list of reasons why we shouldn't just so she could get him a cellphone to make herself look better. We don't have to tell SS to turn his phone off, he does that on his own. "I'm going to turn my phone off now so Mom can't call me anymore," he says. He just wants to hang out with us and have fun but she ends up calling him five or six times (he's only with us for 8 hours BTW) to ruin it for him and ask him questions about what's going on. Personally, I think 5 or 6 calls in eight hours is a little excessive, and that's only considering the ones that I'm present for and not the times when she calls him on the way to or from visitation. Of course, when she finally does get a hold of him, she assumes that it was us who told him to turn off his phone and that becomes just another thing for her to threaten us with. "I need 24/7 contact with my son!" Apparently she NEEDS to be able to contact him whenever she wants. The kid has had a lot of medical problems in the past. He's completely fine now, but she still uses that as an excuse for everything. She hasn't shut up for months about how she needs an emergency contact number that she can reach BF on 24/7 in case something happens to SS. Then she goes on about how SS could die and she wouldn't be able to get a hold of BF and he'd just have to deal with reading about it in the paper. WTF?

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

OldTimer's picture

Man, I agree, that is way to young... sounds like this BM has seperation anxiety... not SS. We have this problem with my SD's BM... sucks.

Smart kid. I bet you he really likes the 'break'. lol.

She's got his work number... lol. I'm sure someone will get ahold of him in a true emergency. Geesh.

Well, I'm glad to know that your SS turns it off for 'quiet time'. lol. Sad though, isn't it? Geesh.

Nymh's picture

The way both laywers and the judge explained it to her is that bad news will find you, no matter where you are. If something bad happened to their child, BF would know very quickly even though BM doesn't have his cell #. They also told her that given her track history of harrassment and abusing every mode of communication she's given, they really couldn't justify forcing BF to give her his personal phone number when they knew exactly what she'd do if she had it. Of course, this isn't the story that BM preaches. According to her, she's supposed to have EVERY number that BF is going to be at, and numbers of every place that he's going to take SS, and she's supposed to be given an agenda of where they're going when BF takes him. Lies! I can't believe all the lies this woman tells and expects everyone to believe her. Hello? We have the papers too...BF was present in that courtroom and in all the meetings with the lawyers too...I think we know what the real deal is!

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

stamina's picture

Your message sounds as they things are going well for you...great to hear! Anxious to hear how your Christmas Eve goes. I am sure that it will be awesome! Happy news!

Anonymous's picture

Yes, she is afraid that ss is going to like you better. It is the insecurity in lack of parental abilities that make her that way.
Whether she will do something about it? Probably not.

She will badger and put ss on trial from the moment he gets home from your house until the next time he goes to visit you.

Is it anywhere in the WRITTEN order about not having ss around you, or other women for that matter?

My heart goes out to this child. It must be very hard admitting his home life is not that great. Usually a child will remain loyal to bio no matter what. Maybe it is his true wish and hope that if he does tell the truth, you and his Dad will "step up to the plate". No pun intended, lol!

Nymh's picture

Nope! There's not a thing in the written parenting plan or any court order that states that SS is not to be around whomever. There's nothing stating that there are to be no overnight visitors either. These are just things that she makes up to try to get what she wants.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Candice's picture

the only way you can stipulate that a child can NOT be around a certain person is if they have a substantial criminal record. Our bm tried getting supervised visitations..didn't work, but she was having her brother that was high on meth and no driver's license picking up ss from school just so we couldn't see him at school. Anyhow, when we went through court, we asked that her brother can not be left alone in ss's presence b/c of his record and that he cannot drive ss anywhere. We got it, but it is hard to prove.

So just b/c bm doesn't want you around ss alone doesn't mean she will get it. I'm sure she can instigate bogus charges of sexual misconduct, whatever (same situation as goldenlife dh was going thru) but she will have to go through great lengths.

Sorry for such pyschoness. This is really bad.

Nymh's picture

I know, and it just keeps getting worse. It's all so disappointing. I'm not disappointed really for my sake, but for SS's sake because I know exactly how it feels to have a mother who knows nothing other than her hate for her ex and doesn't realize how much she's hurting you as her child.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

sosmomof6's picture

I've gotten reamed over this before too. Of course BM says that the time SS is here is supposed to be his time with my DH, NOT me or any of my family because "we're not related". Someone told us to get a FROR (first right of refusal). Mainly so that SS could be here when BM was working or away from her house without SS...then my husband would get to have visitation before she left him with anyone else (I don't know if the BM in your case works, or how often). But the person who told us about it said that it could also be used because BM has her SF watch him when she's working or running errands. So when she tries to say that DH HAS to be here at our house if SS is here, he turned it around and said "Your SF isn't his parent either, yet he's left alone with him almost every day. If your SF can take care of him, then so can my wife". So if you can prove that she's had other people take care of your SS, then BF can request that you have equal right to care for him if BF cannot be home at the time for whatever reason. Unless you are somehow being abusive (which I'm sure you're not), then she really doesn't have a legal leg to stand on if BF trusts you to watch SS for a time. Cheers to you, doll! *hugs*

OldTimer's picture

Initially, I wasn't dating my DH at the time, but initially, he had his mother living with him. BM tried to cut time to nothing flat and tried to use childcare expenices as an excuse. That HER mother was watching SS while she was at work and CHARGED her money to do so... yet, here my DH's mother was living at the home, three blocks away, on her way to work and home from work, and would charge NOTHING to watch SS. She was livid with that because it meant more time with DH and his family that she tried and tried and tried to deny. Apparently, it was pretty ugly, and they went through court, so now we have the FROR too- which she has also denied.

I guess, when she gave birth to her daughter, she decided that SS should be there. But rather than saying to us that she would like SS there, she made this whole big deal like as if SS was going to be in the room right there with her! Yeeeaaaaaahhhhhh riiiiiiiigghhhhtttt. It wasn't like we weren't going to allow him there! Geesh. But we found out that no, he stayed at grandma's the entire time she was in the hospital...didn't even go to the hospital. And since he didn't go to the hospital, we could have had our visitation just fine and he would have been back the same day she came home with the baby. It was ridiculious.